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OK, everyone, OP here. I talked to my principal today. No bad blood or hard feelings, but he did tell me that it would be better to stay in the future. He also provided me with some information about how he would not allow such a confrontation to escalate to the level it did in the future.
Lesson learned. I left because I wasn't sure what the principal wanted me to do,and I guess I felt a little pressure when the other teacher left. The principal didn't get a chance to even let me know what he wanted with this parent ranting and raving, and I thought interrupting might make things even worse (if that was at all possible). In the future I'll stay until I'm given a directive to leave the room, regardless of what others do.
Thanks to everyone who contributed to the thread and provided advice!
Hi everyone. I had a very unusual situation at my school today and I wanted to know how other people would have acted in this situation.
I was called in for a meeting with a parent by my principal. The child has had numerous confrontations with several teachers and other students (calling names, trying to start fights, insulting teachers, and so on). I wrote an office referral on the student detailing several incidents of name calling and disruptive behavior, which is why I was called down to the meeting.
Another teacher, who is not in a classroom all day but assumes a lot of other responsibilities throughout the school and is very well-respected, was called in to discuss the confrontations she had with the student. The parent basically implied that all of the teachers (myself included) were lying about the extent of her child's misbehaviors.
After a long period of time, the principal told the parent that she was going to have to meet with another teacher before the child would be admitted back to school. The parent refused, and the principal suspended the child. The parent went ballastic, screaming and cursing at the principal. The other teacher who was in the meeting with me walked out of the room, and after another several seconds, I followed her out while this parent continued on her tirade with the principal.
Now, many hours later, I'm wondering whether I should have remained in the room, at least as a witness to this parent's insanity. Before deciding, here are a few things to keep in mind...
My principal is quite lax when it comes to discipline. Suspensions are incredibly rare in my school.
The school is located in an urban district, in a high poverty area.
Among the district as a whole, the relationship between faculty and administration is acrimonious, to put it mildly. Collaboration between administration and faculty is virtually non-existent. The attitude among most of the administrators, including the principals and supervisors is "You'll do as you're told and we're not going to explain why because we don't have to do so. Do not waste our time asking questions or talking to us about concerns, because we don't care what you have to say. We're superior and you're inferior." (This really isn't an exaggeration.) My principal is actually one of the milder ones, but he definitely toes the district line when he feels the slightest inch of pressure from his superiors.
So, what should I have done? Was I right to leave the room with the other teacher, or should I have stayed? I'm thinking about asking my principal his thoughts on the matter, but that could backfire for the reasons listed above.
Thanks for your thoughts!
You had a safety concern and didn't want to inflame the situation any further by being a lightning rod for the parent. Dear Principal in the future should I alert the security folks or let you handle that. This isn't about you and the administration but the school and a parent out of control. You and the Principal are on the same side in this one and yes you could have been a witness but left for fear of your personal safety and felt the administrator had the skills to defuse if allowed to do so.
OK, everyone, OP here. I talked to my principal today. No bad blood or hard feelings, but he did tell me that it would be better to stay in the future. He also provided me with some information about how he would not allow such a confrontation to escalate to the level it did in the future.
Lesson learned. I left because I wasn't sure what the principal wanted me to do,and I guess I felt a little pressure when the other teacher left. The principal didn't get a chance to even let me know what he wanted with this parent ranting and raving, and I thought interrupting might make things even worse (if that was at all possible). In the future I'll stay until I'm given a directive to leave the room, regardless of what others do.
Thanks to everyone who contributed to the thread and provided advice!
Congratulations for a successful resolution to the question!
I hope, too, that it helps to improve your feeling about the relationship with the principal that the message came with no hard feelings.
Your description of the relationship between administration and faculty sure sounds like LA Unified to me. I teach high school. We have a similar relationship or NON-relationship with our administrators - most of whom have moved up the ladder through nepotism, default, and simple butt kissing. Many had only a few brief years of classroom experience before becoming out-of-classroom "coordinators" and then Assistant Principals in training. They are public relation actors and actresses at best and parasites at worst.
A situation like the one you present would be a delight to sit and witness. I've seen far too many well meaning teachers railroaded by unscrupulous administrators when involved in confrontations with ridiculous spoiled hellions.
I think the Principal, by virtue of his office, should have been able to keep the situation from escalating like it did. It's not your responsibility, and it sounds like the type of parent who will eventually sue the school for something. You may want to avoid this type of exposure, it could mean a career move.
Don't you have a policy when the parent swears or begins to yell that you tell them once that they need to be respectful and stop or they will be asked to leave. Then if the parents persists, you tell them to leave. If they do not leave, you call the police and have her removed from the school? Then the next step, since obviously this is a "genetic" issue, you make sure that the parent is charged with something that forces them to take anger management classes and have the school phsycologist evalute and set forth behavioral goals and deadlines for reaching them, an improvement plan with consequences for not reaching those goals that gets tougher as time goes on, such as....if the kid swears he is required to stay in during recess and clean the halls, if he hits, it all starts over and three strikes you're out and placed into a "special" class for the rest of the year. Then have them placed in an after school but in school anger management classes and emotional therapy and the child is not allowed back in class until they are also enrolled in one and has taken at least a set number of courses.
I'd have left. I don't deal with people until they calm down. It's unproductive, pointless, and the person freaking out is being disrespectful. I'm glad to deal with them when they begin acting in a socially acceptable and appropriate manner, but when you're out of control, I don't need to stick around for it. It's whomever is in charge's job to let the person know they'll have to leave until they can get it together.
Hi everyone. I had a very unusual situation at my school today and I wanted to know how other people would have acted in this situation.
I was called in for a meeting with a parent by my principal. The child has had numerous confrontations with several teachers and other students (calling names, trying to start fights, insulting teachers, and so on). I wrote an office referral on the student detailing several incidents of name calling and disruptive behavior, which is why I was called down to the meeting.
Another teacher, who is not in a classroom all day but assumes a lot of other responsibilities throughout the school and is very well-respected, was called in to discuss the confrontations she had with the student. The parent basically implied that all of the teachers (myself included) were lying about the extent of her child's misbehaviors.
After a long period of time, the principal told the parent that she was going to have to meet with another teacher before the child would be admitted back to school. The parent refused, and the principal suspended the child. The parent went ballastic, screaming and cursing at the principal. The other teacher who was in the meeting with me walked out of the room, and after another several seconds, I followed her out while this parent continued on her tirade with the principal.
Now, many hours later, I'm wondering whether I should have remained in the room, at least as a witness to this parent's insanity. Before deciding, here are a few things to keep in mind...
My principal is quite lax when it comes to discipline. Suspensions are incredibly rare in my school.
The school is located in an urban district, in a high poverty area.
Among the district as a whole, the relationship between faculty and administration is acrimonious, to put it mildly. Collaboration between administration and faculty is virtually non-existent. The attitude among most of the administrators, including the principals and supervisors is "You'll do as you're told and we're not going to explain why because we don't have to do so. Do not waste our time asking questions or talking to us about concerns, because we don't care what you have to say. We're superior and you're inferior." (This really isn't an exaggeration.) My principal is actually one of the milder ones, but he definitely toes the district line when he feels the slightest inch of pressure from his superiors.
So, what should I have done? Was I right to leave the room with the other teacher, or should I have stayed? I'm thinking about asking my principal his thoughts on the matter, but that could backfire for the reasons listed above.
Thanks for your thoughts!
I don't see anything wrong with what you did. Dealing with the fallout from school policy is the principal's responsibility. You don't get paid enough to put up with crap like that; he does. He took that responsibility on himself; you didn't. Let him deal with it. And it sounds to me like you witnessed enough to get a solid understanding of the situation.
Oh, and as for the principal wanting you to stay in the future... tell him you'd be glad to once you negotiate a "parental abuse" pay differential.
When I'm going to a conference with a parent who is likely to be confrontational, I have a microcassette recorder in my pocket to document any possible fireworks.
Just so you know this is illegal in many states unless you inform the person beforehand that they are being recorded and they give consent.
Informing people beforehand that all meetings are recorded is actually a really good way of preventing people from flying off the handle. It's amazing the fortitude people have for holding back and acting like mature adults when they know they're going to be held accountable for their moronic raging.
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I would have sat quietly and said nothing....
