Southern families. (Knoxville, Oak Ridge: renting, day care, houses) - Tennessee (TN) - City-Data Forum

chulsav1 · 06-25-2007, 08:18 PM

With the breakdown of the traditional family, ie. both parents having to work and the kids stuffed into daycare, is it the same way in tennessee? I notice that the kids are horrible now in my area, there is no discipline and they don't seem to have the fear of, or respect for adults that I did growing up. Part of the reason I want to move south is that my wife stays home and raises the family and tends the house. My son is respectful of others and is almost a target for other kids because of it. I never recalled a day in my childhood where I was punched in the face for getting on the bus! And this is the nice area. If the parents were not so worried about the bmw's and high priced houses mabey their kids would be more respectful too. I just find it very frustrating that the parents don't seem to care.

Long winded question, I know, but is the traditional family still alive in Tennessee?

hiknapster · 06-26-2007, 02:34 AM

It depends. I think Tennessee is one of the last bastions of children being raised right, but that may be slipping fast. My seven-year-old daughter has been a victim of bullying ever since we moved here, almost two years ago. Granted, the biggest bully is a transplant, but it has not been good. We rarely let her outside to play.

mbmouse · 06-26-2007, 06:30 AM

I found there are many more stay at home moms in this area (east TN) than in South FL by far. I was genuinely surprised to find so few day care centers when I first moved to the area. When I asked why, it was repeated that family took care of the kids if both parents had to work. It was tough for me to find child care as I was a single working mom for many years. I have found even the high school kids very respectful of the other parents and adults. When I went to my sons track meets most all of the kids said Mame and sir. Please and thank you. Now, how they act when adults are not around?????? ahhhahahha
The two schools my sons go to has zero tolerance for bullying.

akm4 · 06-26-2007, 08:56 AM

If hiknapster says she rarely lets her daughter out to play, then the bullying must not be happening at school, but in in the neighborhood.

Four years ago 2 boys ganged up on my son in the playground. He told me when he got home from school. I went right back to school and (luckily) caught the principal to tell her about it. Although the boys lied about it, a teacher saw the whole thing and spoke up. Here's the sticky part- one of the boys lives in our neighborhood. I called them that first night, and the husband snapped, "I'll discuss this with the prinicipal in the morning." and hung up. I'm happy to say, four years later, that this boy and my son are now good friends. Last year at the neighborhood party, his mom made a point of coming to me and apologizing for the way they handled it. I was shocked. All this time later! What a cool, difficult thing for her to do.

I never could have imagined it turning out this way. Maybe the bully (and the parents!) in hiknapster's neighborhood will grow up too. You never know....

AlisonL · 06-26-2007, 09:41 AM

When we visited east Tennessee in 2004, the first thing we noticed was how polite the people were, especially the young people. We did not see any teens wearing what I call "the gangster wannabe" clothing. What a shock seeing a young man holding a door open for another person. We never see that here in Maine anymore. More apt to see them giving someone the "bird".

hiknapster · 06-26-2007, 02:14 PM

I think that respect from children is just slipping. A lot.

Do I think it is better in The South than the rest of the country? Oh, yeah.

Yes, akm4, you are absolutely right. We have had no problems at school. In fact, a few months ago, my daughter was getting off the bus and the bully hit her. The bus driver did not see the incident.

I suspect that the boy, who is 11, wanted to hit her since I was at the bus stop and that was his last chance.

Anyway, I decided not to say anything to the parents. They become very hostile if you tell them their children have done anything wrong. Oddly enough, we get along fine with them, unless it involves their kids.

So I told the principal the next morning. She said she would handle it, and it has never happened, again.

Things are better in the neighborhood since the landlord moved in. Now I've noticed that the parents won't allow their children to go too far. I think it's pretty funny. Apparently, they don't trust what the kids will do in front of the landlord.

Prior to that, the boy would come right on my property and shake his fist at us, and the parents would turn a blind eye.

The only time that I now allow my daughter outside is if the landlord goes down to the creek. He is a cantankerous 72-year-old with a cute little dog. I just adore him. Lauren sits with him and they talk. I think it's lovely for children to get to know older people. We don't have any relatives here.

Anyway, Lauren also goes to Boys and Girls Club during the summer while I'm at work and their have been no problems there, either.

So on the whole, I think southern children are raised better. I hope this tradition continues.

CAtoGA · 06-26-2007, 02:34 PM

Out here, my husband and I have tried to teach our children, 10 & 13, to be respectful of others and for the most part it has worked. I hear nothing but compliments from our friends, neighbors, any ADULT that they have contact with. Unfortunately, it's not "cool" to be respectful at my son's school and he gets picked on because of his behavior. We keep our kids on a tight leash because we don't want them to be too tempted to get into trouble, but as they are getting older, it's getting more difficult. Attitudes in the south are one of the many things on the "pro" side of my pro/con list of why we should move out of CA and back to TN. I know that once the kids realize that there are other children their age that actually know how to be respectful, they won't be so resistent to it themselves.

jimj · 06-27-2007, 08:31 AM

I am glad to hear that the kids tend to be more respectful there. I would love for my son to get back to a school where "no mam and no sir" are the norm and calling an adult "miss ....or mister..." which seems to be just in the south. We have a severe bullying problem here so I feel for you Hiknapster, my son has been the target since 5th grade and is now a freshman. This last year the schools response was to pull him from his classes (2 of them) and have him sit in the office or go home early. For the life of me I don't get why you remove the object of the bullying and not the bully?
He has had his insturment case destroyed,guitar damaged,stuff stolen, beaten on and of course called all sorts of vile names to his face as well as posting them on myspace. What a sad state of affairs we have sunk to. The sad part is he is (was) a real social person who now wants nothing to do with anyone at school......

hiknapster · 06-27-2007, 08:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimj

I am glad to hear that the kids tend to be more respectful there. I would love for my son to get back to a school where "no mam and no sir" are the norm and calling an adult "miss ....or mister..." which seems to be just in the south. We have a severe bullying problem here so I feel for you Hiknapster, my son has been the target since 5th grade and is now a freshman. This last year the schools response was to pull him from his classes (2 of them) and have him sit in the office or go home early. For the life of me I don't get why you remove the object of the bullying and not the bully?
He has had his insturment case destroyed,guitar damaged,stuff stolen, beaten on and of course called all sorts of vile names to his face as well as posting them on myspace. What a sad state of affairs we have sunk to. The sad part is he is (was) a real social person who now wants nothing to do with anyone at school......

That is HORRIBLE! I am stunned!

I can't honstly see that happening here.

I was disheartened that a little girl could be bullied by a boy five years older, but remember that he is a transplant, as is his parents. Quite frankly, I think his parents are a little frightened of him. They are very nice people, other than this issue. I fully expect to see that child on the six o'clock news at some point, sooner or later.

JimJ: I just don't see that sort of thing being allowed to go on here. Your child should not be penalized because of the misbehavior of others. I would contact the superintendent and if I received no resuts I would contact the school board. No kidding.

I believe there is a bullying website on the internet. You might want to check the "parenting" forum. It might be posted there.

<<<Hugs>>> to your son.

veragemini · 06-27-2007, 10:52 AM

Okay I think that question really just depends on where in TN. I am from the Tri-Cities area originally. Lived there for 18 of my 30 years. Now I am in Atlanta & trying to move back there. Of my 5 best friends in hs all of them have children. One is divorced & raising her kids on her own, but the other 4 have quit their jobs to stay home with their children as do my cousins, there are 4 of them as well all in their 30s, (the wives stay home with the kids) and the husband's work & they all live in Oak Ridge (near Knoxville) so I think it is definitely more common there than it is where I currently live, but it might just be the people I know. TN is in the bible belt and that may have something to do with the traditional family values & family unit. That is not to say that their not families that are different (divorce, single parent, same sex parents, etc... up there though) because of course there are with that many people. So are you saying your kids are teased because they have a stay-at-home mom? Sounds like jealousy to me...hehe.

Julie