Teenage Daughter Refuses To Move (county, town, allowed)
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Okay, here is where it gets strange. She is an "indoor" cat. She hates the heat, won't go outside, does not like to get dirty or sweaty, won't work in the yard, does not like the beach, will go on a boat only when bribed and is assured that there will not be a thunder storm. She likes to scrapbook, do puzzles, watch TV, work on the computer, organize everyone but herself and she hangs around mostly with adults that she is related to. She does not relate well with kids her own age and likes to be around the elderly. Go figure?
She sounds like me, blankety-blank years ago. Put her in charge of some things about the move. Have her do online research related to aspects of the move.
1. Tell her to research computer connection options for the area you are going to. Since this impacts her directly, she may be interested.
2. Tell her to sign up for News Alerts (Google) related to Maryville, read them and apprise the family of what they need to know (good and bad). Tell her to read the Maryville newspaper every day, online, for the purpose of informing the family about news and upcoming events in the town, at dinner every night.
3. Tell her to do a Google Image search and then save, electronically, images of Maryville.
4. Tell her to find a satellite image of your new address and print it so you can whip it out and show it to others.
5. Tell her to research various grocery and other shopping options then get and print Mapquest driving directions to and from your new address and put them in a loose leaf binder so you have them after the move. Do the same with things like movie theaters, parks, motor vehicle, the Post Office.
6. If you aren't going to have an internet connection right away after the move, tell her to find the Maryville library website and find out what their Internet policy is.
7. Tell her to look at some online yellow pages and find out what restaurants/fast food places there are in the new town and what's closest to where you will be living (she can get their street address and then do Mapquest from your new home to their address to see miles and driving time). Tell her to look and see who does delivery and who allows you to call in and place your take out order or Internet your take out order before you show up to get it. Tell her to record the phone numbers.
8. Give her a blank address book and tell her to ask everyone in your immediate family for the names, addresses, e-mail addresses and telephone numbers of everyone (friends/relatives/co-workers) and every business from the old address that you need to have when you move. Make sure she has the old addresses and telephone numbers of things like your former utilities, local insurance agent, bank, car dealer, doctors, vet, pharmacy, motor vehicle office, etc., as you may have to contact them after you move. Tell her to ensure that each family member provides her with that information. Consider that you may lose electronic information or lose access to it temporarily (if you switch service providers, if your computer doesn't survive the move).
9. There are new local contact telephone numbers that you are going to need immediately after you move - the Maryville local police, fire, schools, utility, cable, bank, motor vehicle, (anything related to your house). Ask her to look up those local telephone numbers on her computer, program them into a cell phone and put them in her address book.
10. Someone in the family needs to record passwords and change snail mail addresses (snail mail and e-mail, if you change service providers) on online accounts. Think things like Amazon, Yahoo, E-Bay, Club Memberships, etc., for example. I don't say this should be her but you might let her pester you guys for a list of the ones that will need to be changed immediately after you move. Her job would just be to whip out the list after you move and check off the ones as you take care of them.
10b. You may also subscribe to e-mail ads, alerts, updates, that come to you via e-mail. If you plan to change service providers, you need to record what they are before the move so you can change your e-mail address with them after you move (and change service providers/get a new e-mail address). She could keep track of this.
11. After you move, you will receive snail mail forwarded to you at the new address with a yellow forwarding label from the post office. Put her in charge of informing those people to either quit sending you stuff (because you don't live at the old address anymore) or to advise them of your new address if you still want to get the stuff. Most of those business have a website and she can do the contacts online via e-mail.
12. Have regular family meetings where everyone can talk about their move responsibilities and the status. Ask her to brief the family on her progress with the above and bring up any problems. Let her have input on your responsibilities.
She also told me she appreciated all the places she had seen and the friends she had made.
The difference is YOU are not breaking up your family to move...so your daughter can not hate you for that. Had BOTH of your parents moved...you would have survived fairly well.
I hope I am not scarring her for life. I hated my parents for breaking up our family and making us move.
Bottom line, you can not let a child (and yes, even at 14 she is still a child) dictate what the family needs to do as a family. The adults in the family do that. That's why they are called "parents". Liz
Maybe give her the option of "designing" her bedroom - picking the color of paint, some of the accessories, new furniture if you can.
You didn't mention if this is her first move, but if it is, keep in mind that you are taking her out of everything that she is comfortable and familiar with. Remind her of the reasons that you want/need to move and the positive things that will come of it.
I have a son who will be 14 when we move. He was on board at first, but recently is beginning to voice his objections. With him, though, a big part of it is that he is FINALLY beginning to make friends after many years of being an outcast and a target.
One of the things that I think (hope) can make a difference in their attitudes and behaviors is if everyone else is keeping a positive attitude. My 10 year old daughter and I are looking at this as an adventure. Seeing new things, learning new ideas, cultures, etc, is not something we could do from here.
Sorry for rambling, but here's another idea. Find books, brochures, any literature that you can on Maryville and the surrounding area that shows the beauty and history that there is there to explore.
Regardless, keep your chin up and stay positive and this will make things easier, if not for everyone, at least for you. Good luck!
Take her to Dollywood and Spash Country, and to the outlets in Pigeon Forge. Once she sees all there is to do in that area, she might just change her mind.
Good Luck with your move and I am sure in time, she will adjust.
Seriously though if she as level headed as you say then she will come around. My wife had a friend who at 13 was dragged kicking and screaming from FL to GA. Now you talk to her she would never live in FL.
Maybe she is like my 10 year old. My daughter doesn't like change of any kind. The familiar is where her comfort zone is. We know if we ever move then the problem will be with our daughter not wanting to leave what she's used to. You just have to assure her and let her know this is what's best for the family as a whole and that you have each other and will adapt and be the stronger for it. Good luck!
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