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Old 12-06-2012, 10:34 PM
 
Location: SoCal & Mid-TN
2,083 posts, read 2,012,568 times
Reputation: 2372

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Quote:
Originally Posted by michellelasher View Post
I was hoping it would be a nice place to just sit out in the yard and watch her play. (she will be older when we move) Really I dont do anything here, I sit inside and play with her with the TV off, I just wish I could do the same thing outside. Only other thing I do is come on this site, but once I move I wont need that anymore. I hope to still be able to keep internet, but thats only if we can afford it after my husband finds a job.
Not sure when you are planning on doing this, but it's winter now and it can get really cold in that part of the state so you might be spending a lot of time indoors. I get the feeling you are trying to get away from a bad situation where you are. We just don't want you to go "from the frying pan into the fire". Has you husband looked at any job resources online? That might be a very good idea.
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Old 12-06-2012, 10:56 PM
 
192 posts, read 287,912 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikett View Post
Not sure when you are planning on doing this, but it's winter now and it can get really cold in that part of the state so you might be spending a lot of time indoors. I get the feeling you are trying to get away from a bad situation where you are. We just don't want you to go "from the frying pan into the fire". Has you husband looked at any job resources online? That might be a very good idea.
We're thinking August. How could you tell? haha. Not a bad situation YET. But there's no future for me where I am. No possibility of other kids (not enough room and could never afford a bigger place), will never be able to own a home. Its just that I am trying to think long term. We are not living on our own, we still depend on our parents and THEIR parents. Californians do not have the same morals or political views as us and I would never feel comfortable sending my kids to any schools here. No democrats raising my children...gun laws are too strict, we cant sustain life on our own if anything were to happen. Some people may think I'm crazy but these are big issues for me. We're moving in August when our lease is up no matter what, only question is where.
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Old 12-07-2012, 02:22 AM
 
1,380 posts, read 1,779,641 times
Reputation: 2364
Never ever move anywhere without a source of income. I see nothing wrong with the stay at home June Cleaver thing if it makes you happy. Neither of my grandmothers even learned to drive. You just need to be able to make it work, and know yourself well enough to put yourself in a happy place. And understand that relying on just one income means sacrifices as well.
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Old 12-07-2012, 06:35 AM
 
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee
22,538 posts, read 46,113,418 times
Reputation: 13304
Do not move until you KNOW that your husband has a job. That area is not teeming with employment opportunities.

Also, Tennessee may be dead last in tax burden but it certainly doesn't favor the poor. Sales tax is very high here and includes food. As far as I know, California exempts groceries from being taxed.

I find it mildly ironic that you have conservative values but want to sit home and not work. Spare me the outrage when you read this. I'm 51 and have raised - and in one instance am still raising - four kids. I've tried to stay home with them every chance that I got and would have much preferred the June Cleaver route. But the truth is that if you want more children you and your husband need to be better educated in order to make a better living wage. Instead of sitting around I highly suggest you get yourself in school or at least get out and get a job. You are in no position to be having anymore children at this time.

Also, when considering places to live I would highly suggest checking out the schools. I'm afraid that you've lived in the same area your entire life and you don't understand that different parts of the country, and different cities and towns, can have a drastically different set of circumstances. For instance, did you know that the maximum that you can receive in unemployment benefits in California is $450 and in Tennessee it is $275?

I think it is very easy for someone in a "liberal" area to see the grass as greener somewhere else. The same holds true for someone that has always lived in a more conservative area. What you need to do is thoroughly research and visit any area that you are interested in. I've moved a few times in my lifetime and to very different areas. There are many, many different aspects to all of them, things that I didn't realize could greatly vary such as education.

And we haven't even delved into the weather differences. That will be a huge change for you, as well. The humidity may be very hard for you to handle.
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Old 12-07-2012, 11:38 AM
 
Location: SoCal & Mid-TN
2,083 posts, read 2,012,568 times
Reputation: 2372
Quote:
Originally Posted by hiknapster View Post
Do not move until you KNOW that your husband has a job. That area is not teeming with employment opportunities.

Also, Tennessee may be dead last in tax burden but it certainly doesn't favor the poor. Sales tax is very high here and includes food. As far as I know, California exempts groceries from being taxed.

I find it mildly ironic that you have conservative values but want to sit home and not work. Spare me the outrage when you read this. I'm 51 and have raised - and in one instance am still raising - four kids. I've tried to stay home with them every chance that I got and would have much preferred the June Cleaver route. But the truth is that if you want more children you and your husband need to be better educated in order to make a better living wage. Instead of sitting around I highly suggest you get yourself in school or at least get out and get a job. You are in no position to be having anymore children at this time.

Also, when considering places to live I would highly suggest checking out the schools. I'm afraid that you've lived in the same area your entire life and you don't understand that different parts of the country, and different cities and towns, can have a drastically different set of circumstances. For instance, did you know that the maximum that you can receive in unemployment benefits in California is $450 and in Tennessee it is $275?

I think it is very easy for someone in a "liberal" area to see the grass as greener somewhere else. The same holds true for someone that has always lived in a more conservative area. What you need to do is thoroughly research and visit any area that you are interested in. I've moved a few times in my lifetime and to very different areas. There are many, many different aspects to all of them, things that I didn't realize could greatly vary such as education.

And we haven't even delved into the weather differences. That will be a huge change for you, as well. The humidity may be very hard for you to handle.
A lot of these same thoughts occurred to me. Planning for the future had to take job opportunities and income into account. You/your husband don't want to be stuck in a minimum wage, no benefits job forever. In order to prevent that you need some kind of marketable skills. Whether this means some kind of trade school, finding a job with training opportunities, etc... In this economy most jobs with any advancement potential are going to want you to have some kind of skill/training/experience for even an entry level position. Low wage, part time work with no benefits is not a long-term way to make a living - especially if you have kids. No, you don't have to be rich to give them a good life, but you need to be able to pay for basics.

What if someone gets sick? If it's the breadwinner and the job has no benefits like paid sick leave, you'll be out those earnings - and even if it's just a few days, your budget will be so tight that something this simple can have a real impact. What about car repairs and maintenance? No public transportation in rural areas. Utilities are high in winter because it gets really cold. In summer, the humidity and heat combo will likely be a real issue for you - you'll need a/c and that will also run up your electric bill. I grew up in TN but lived in Los Angeles 18 years so I know about the climate different first hand. Dry heat really is easier to deal with.

I've known so many people in my life who had kids at a young age, had no job training (and didn't get any) and ended up in dead end jobs and small apartments, barely getting by, for the next many years. It's not a happy life and I'd hate to see you end up like that. So in addition to planning where to live, you really need to consider how to live - as in how to make a decent living in the long term, not exist on minimum wage for an indefinite period. You've stated you want to improve your life, and being able to earn a decent salary is a big part of that. There was a time when a high school education was enough to get a decent job, especially in manufacturing. But those days are pretty much gone. You don't have to go to college and get a degree but trade school to learn a skill - even if it's to be an auto mechanic, HVAC tech, etc..., is a very good investment. I say this because I get the feeling that you think cheap rent + minimum wage = a good life in the country. This might be a short term solution but it is not a long-term life plan. Your expectations are unrealistic and pretty simplistic. To put it in perspective, according to the US Dept of Health & Human Services, a family of 3 living on less than $19,090/year is considered living below the poverty level.
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Old 12-07-2012, 01:40 PM
 
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee
22,538 posts, read 46,113,418 times
Reputation: 13304
And I do want to kindly and gently tell Michelle that I was her so many years ago. I was in that same situation and I know how this plays out.

I think she is smart for wanting to move. I grew up in a state that was very costly to live in. After 33 years I had to move away and I've never been able to go back. But you have to look at areas that have better job opportunities and education for you, your husband and your children. Rent may be a bit higher - $650 as opposed to $350 - but you'll have a much better shot at a better income and outcome.

Get to school while you can and set a good example for this child. Once you can earn more you can have more children. I promise you that you will never regret this.
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Old 12-07-2012, 01:54 PM
 
Location: SoCal & Mid-TN
2,083 posts, read 2,012,568 times
Reputation: 2372
Quote:
Originally Posted by hiknapster View Post
And I do want to kindly and gently tell Michelle that I was her so many years ago. I was in that same situation and I know how this plays out.

I think she is smart for wanting to move. I grew up in a state that was very costly to live in. After 33 years I had to move away and I've never been able to go back. But you have to look at areas that have better job opportunities and education for you, your husband and your children. Rent may be a bit higher - $650 as opposed to $350 - but you'll have a much better shot at a better income and outcome.

Get to school while you can and set a good example for this child. Once you can earn more you can have more children. I promise you that you will never regret this.
Good advice. I really applaud her positive attitude and desire to make a better future - but for that to work you have to have the right tools, like job skills. I realize my earlier post was blunt but I'd rather have her mad at me if it'll get her to stop and think about this in a mature, realistic manner. She's gotten a lot of advice from more mature folks on this and other threads, but I remember when I was young. I had it all figured out too. I was amazed that older folks thought it was so complicated. Haha. Turns out they were right more times than I cared to admit, and now here I am giving that same advice.
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Old 12-07-2012, 03:38 PM
 
192 posts, read 287,912 times
Reputation: 136
I really appreciate all of your support and advice. I just dont know what to do. I have the opportunity to move this August and am scared that if I dont take it, it will never happen. I dont want to get into my personal finances too much, but I will say that without my husbands mother and grandfather, we would be on the street. And its scary to depend on so many other people when I have a child. As of now, I am living pretty well, but God forbid something happens to either of them, then what? We only pay $300 a month in a $1700 dollar apartment in San Diego. My husband drives very far to work and pays about $300 more in gas. So I just figured if we could find somewhere close to a job and get a place for $350 we would be doing fine, even if he got paid a little less. I know I am relying on a lot of 'ifs', but i also am here. And you would actually have to be rude to me to upset me. Yeah, maybe rained on my parade a little, but better than being homeless. I am just terrified of missing this opportunity and ending up in a worse situation than if I took the risk and got myself out.
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Old 12-07-2012, 04:14 PM
 
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee
22,538 posts, read 46,113,418 times
Reputation: 13304
Quote:
Originally Posted by michellelasher View Post
I really appreciate all of your support and advice. I just dont know what to do. I have the opportunity to move this August and am scared that if I dont take it, it will never happen. I dont want to get into my personal finances too much, but I will say that without my husbands mother and grandfather, we would be on the street. And its scary to depend on so many other people when I have a child. As of now, I am living pretty well, but God forbid something happens to either of them, then what? We only pay $300 a month in a $1700 dollar apartment in San Diego. My husband drives very far to work and pays about $300 more in gas. So I just figured if we could find somewhere close to a job and get a place for $350 we would be doing fine, even if he got paid a little less. I know I am relying on a lot of 'ifs', but i also am here. And you would actually have to be rude to me to upset me. Yeah, maybe rained on my parade a little, but better than being homeless. I am just terrified of missing this opportunity and ending up in a worse situation than if I took the risk and got myself out.
You are such a nice young lady and you are trying to do the right thing.

This may not seem true to you but you are actually in a wonderful position. So many people would love to be where you are at in life. And you are to be commended for wanting to better yourselves and not take advantage of family.

You are correct that you need to do something but I think your idea is misplaced. Knowing what I know now here is my advice. Apply for a local state school. Get as much grants that you can. Whatever you are awarded, some of that money can probably pay for child care. Go to school, go to school, go to school! Michelle, you are clearly very bright and would be a great candidate for college. Your husband needs to get trained as well. He needs to go to school part-time.

You will never get anywhere by only being trained for minimum wage jobs. But based on what I know that you pay for rent, moving would be an enormous mistake at this juncture. Apply for financial aid and take it.

(((Hugs!)))
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Old 12-07-2012, 04:35 PM
 
Location: somewhere over the rainbow Ohio
2,017 posts, read 4,700,102 times
Reputation: 1527
Michelle,
The reality of a $350.00 apartment in Tn. is nowhere the same as paying a family member the same thing to live in their home. Reality check. What kind of place you think will be rented for $350.00? You think upscale finishes and roach free and quiet law abiding neighbors will be had for 350? While your reasoning has merit, I think you are in for a rude awakening when you come face to face with reality. And how about a safe place to live? Safety means different things to everyone, but with a baby, it is something to consider. Don't forget to tack on food, utilities to that 350 a month.
Many years ago, I was where you are at and I thought chucking everything and moving across the country was the thing to do. I did not have a baby then, but I still ended up failing at where I moved to simply because reality was so different from my dreams and desires.If what you have been advised so far means nothing to you, then so be it and move to Tn. and see what 350 a month gets you.
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