'Rules of the South' (Cleveland: college, to live, sushi)

[Beretta]

Did someone mention crawfish????

Biertijd.com // Media » Hunter Hayes - Jambalaya

[TnHilltopper]

33. Wealth is usually measured by the fence one has, not by the car they drive.

barbedwire (pronounced bobwire) =most folks
wooden fence = doin well
black painted wooden fence = high steppin
white painted wooden fence = audacious!

[Beretta]

34. True wealth is also measured by how many men show up at your barn raisin', not what your bank account says.

[TnHilltopper]

^5 SmokeyMtn, which reminded me of a little thing I saved from a while back.


One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the
country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live. They
spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a
very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the
trip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a
pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has
no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at
night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond
our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our
food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us,
they have friends to protect them."
The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."

[GroverCleveland]

Originally Posted by Bones

The 'Rules of the South' are as follows!!!

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

This message has been sponsored by the guy wearing a wife-beater with Copenhagen stains down the front, a Dale Jr. hat and and thinks a steel chain attached to his wallet is an accessory.

2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.

Get rid of the pageant hair, last I checked you are nowhere near attractive enough to compete for the Miss Tennessee title.....

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

Why would somebody with a Lexus have any desire or requirement to be on your dirt road? Unless of course they are purchasing some of that beef, Moderator cut: insults not allowed here

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 goes east and west, I-85 goes north and south. Pick one.

Wow driving directions from a southerner that don't include "Turn right at Krogers" or "turn left at the tree over yonder with the squirrel in it"
I'm impressed!

5. So you have a $70,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton pickers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

Wow, again I'm impressed. Judging by the tattered confederate flag hanging in your front yard, I just assumed you still owned slaves to pick your cotton. Yall are progressive rednecks aincha!

6. So every person in the south waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

No it's called being nearsighted. As soon as they see the out-of-state license plate they stop waving. Everybody knows that southern hospitality is the biggest misnomer there is. It's called "passive aggressive" not friendly. They start talking behind your back as soon as you're gone.

bless his heart.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

I still anxiously await the day a redneck pulls a gun in my presence. I haven't been fortunate enough yet with the opportunity to rid the planet of one. But thanks for the tip, I'll keep it in mind next time I see.... umm.... doves.

8. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

How awesome for you....

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

Religious holiday you say? Will Joel Osteen come and slap me on the head and "save" me? Or do I need to wait for the next religious holiday for that to happen?

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

Southerners are too socially inept to hold doors for anybody, or say thank you when one is held for them. Let's not give the out-of-towners false hope that chivalry actually exists here, most of us know better.

11. We say 'sir and ma'am', 'please and thank you', 'excuse me and I'm sorry' when we are wrong or impolite. Do not make the mistake of thinking it makes us weak. It's just good up-bringing.

Wow you say please and thank you... and refer to people as sir or maam? In most other parts of the country this is considered normal everyday events. Not something to pride yourself on like you just discovered the cure to cancer. Newsflash Jethro, "please" and "thank you" is what we are supposed to do as humans, not some sort of claim to fame.

12. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

Or you could move north where the food isn't dredged in fat like something out of the Paula Dean cookbook and the people aren't all disgusting overweight fat-bodies.

13. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT'S NOT REAL CHILI!!

Well at least it's good company....

14. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

I don't think you have to worry about me coming to your trailer anytime soon.

15. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a whole lot more fun to watch.

Can you say Tim McGraw's character from Friday Night Lights?
Calm down Cletus, your son will choose the path that's right for him. Being the high school football star of your home town (population 270) isn't always the right life decision.

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it frightens the fish, and aggravates the alligators.

Who are you kidding, golf requires math.... which scares the crap ot of most southerners.

17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities , Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.

The south has colleges... how awesome.
Another claim to fame.

18. Don't think that since we talk slow, we think slow. You may be in for a big surprise.

The surprise is that they actually think in reverse. And you thought they were just slow? More like clinically retarded.

19. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines than you do. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get your butt kicked by the best.

Yeh sure, and the south will rise again too right? Last I checked, you lost that fight as well.

God bless our men and women in the armed service no matter what part of the country they came from.

20. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump stuff isn't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

This list stops at 20 because that about does it for the fingers and toes...

Goot Goot!

[phyll]

Originally Posted by TnHilltopper

33. Wealth is usually measured by the fence one has, not by the car they drive.

barbedwire (pronounced bobwire) =most folks
wooden fence = doin well
black painted wooden fence = high steppin
white painted wooden fence = audacious!

OK, I am almost afaraid to ask, what about a silver metal fence?But WAIT it was here when I bought the home.....

[hiknapster]

Seems like someone is having adjustment problems.

It's a big country and life is too short to be miserable. You might want to pick a spot and check your grammar on the way out.

[mbmouse]

I was going to cut out all of the insults but left the benign (you can look that word up) ones as to make a point. Here is the perfect example of those who will not be happy in TN or any other Southern state.
Thanks for the example Grover, I appreciate it and it is obvious as to why you are not happy in the South. Bless your heart.

Originally Posted by GroverCleveland

This message has been sponsored by the guy wearing a wife-beater with Copenhagen stains down the front, a Dale Jr. hat and and thinks a steel chain attached to his wallet is an accessory.

Get rid of the pageant hair, last I checked you are nowhere near attractive enough to compete for the Miss Tennessee title.....

Why would somebody with a Lexus have any desire or requirement to be on your dirt road? Unless of course they are purchasing some of that beef, Moderator cut: insults not allowed here

Wow driving directions from a southerner that don't include "Turn right at Krogers" or "turn left at the tree over yonder with the squirrel in it"
I'm impressed!

Wow, again I'm impressed. Judging by the tattered confederate flag hanging in your front yard, I just assumed you still owned slaves to pick your cotton. Yall are progressive rednecks aincha!

No it's called being nearsighted. As soon as they see the out-of-state license plate they stop waving. Everybody knows that southern hospitality is the biggest misnomer there is. It's called "passive aggressive" not friendly. They start talking behind your back as soon as you're gone.

bless his heart.

I still anxiously await the day a redneck pulls a gun in my presence. I haven't been fortunate enough yet with the opportunity to rid the planet of one. But thanks for the tip, I'll keep it in mind next time I see.... umm.... doves.

How awesome for you....

Religious holiday you say? Will Joel Osteen come and slap me on the head and "save" me? Or do I need to wait for the next religious holiday for that to happen?

Southerners are too socially inept to hold doors for anybody, or say thank you when one is held for them. Let's not give the out-of-towners false hope that chivalry actually exists here, most of us know better.

Wow you say please and thank you... and refer to people as sir or maam? In most other parts of the country this is considered normal everyday events. Not something to pride yourself on like you just discovered the cure to cancer. Newsflash Jethro, "please" and "thank you" is what we are supposed to do as humans, not some sort of claim to fame.

Or you could move north where the food isn't dredged in fat like something out of the Paula Dean cookbook and the people aren't all disgusting overweight fat-bodies.

Well at least it's good company....

I don't think you have to worry about me coming to your trailer anytime soon.

Can you say Tim McGraw's character from Friday Night Lights?
Calm down Cletus, your son will choose the path that's right for him. Being the high school football star of your home town (population 270) isn't always the right life decision.

Who are you kidding, golf requires math.... which scares the crap ot of most southerners.

The south has colleges... how awesome.
Another claim to fame.

The surprise is that they actually think in reverse. And you thought they were just slow? More like clinically retarded.

Yeh sure, and the south will rise again too right? Last I checked, you lost that fight as well.

God bless our men and women in the armed service no matter what part of the country they came from.

This list stops at 20 because that about does it for the fingers and toes...

Goot Goot!

[TnHilltopper]

Originally Posted by mbmouse

I was going to cut out all of the insults but left the benign (you can look that word up) ones as to make a point. Here is the perfect example of those who will not be happy in TN or any other Southern state.
Thanks for the example Grover, I appreciate it and it is obvious as to why you are not happy in the South. Bless your heart.

Funny, I thought the EXACT same thing. Sorry you feel that way there Grover and I am willing to bet you might be one of those folks who say, "back home we...". May you find what it is that makes you happy. Best of luck, and keep in mind, Northern Indiana has only two seasons: winter and road construction, so plan ahead.

Fare thee well.

[gemkeeper]

I just hate it when somebody isn't eating enough fiber and they get all-grumpy on us and spoil the fun!

Is our fun spoiled? Naaahhhh!