just alittle advice (Oak Ridge: home, dorm, pre-school)

[knoxgarden]

Originally Posted by phyll

No, It's just houses, and stupidly, I didn't check the kid ratio, but saw a yard fenced in ,big where she had plenty of room,and safe.The home I came from I had to have hooks way up on the door so she couldn't run out-the street was buisy as anything!so this yard was great. I am sorry about your neighborhood, I am trying to figure things out as to stay in THIS home or not.
My husband and I fortunatly only met like a very few not nice folks here in TN

Ask the neighbor what the problem is. Explain that your granddaughter would like to play with their daughter and you'd like to arrange for playdates that would be convenient.
Their daughter may be grounded or not allowed to play for some reason that has nothing to do with your granddaughter. Or your granddaughter may have said or done something that upset the other girl or her parents.
The only way to get the answer is to ask the question.

[Pam& Bill]

Phyll,
Back in NY, my daughter was a year younger then the neighbors kid on the other side of the fence. The girls played together a few times. The neighbors kid lorded it over my daughter that she was "little" and a baby and not as old as her. Pure typical b****y female behavior.(They start young) I got along fine with the adult neighbors but their kid I could do without. I never really encouraged them playing together, and the kid was no better in the house, she thought she was better because she was older and her attitude hurt my daughters feelings. So your gdaughter may be better off not playing with a 5 year old.
Pam

[gemkeeper]

Phyll, I sure don't want to pass judgment on your neighbor, but this may not be a bad thing that your granddaughter isn't able to play with the other little girl.

We all know that children learn from their parents. I would be leery of a neighbor lady who is so outwardly unfriendly to you, and isn't thinking of her own daughter's opportunity to have a playmate. This little 5 year old may be a very sweet, polite and sharing child, but then again, she may be learning from her mother's example and might not be the best influence for your granddaughter.

I would try to find a playgroup nearby and get your granddaughter involved with other children with parents who take a similar interest in the child's happiness as you so obviously do.

I have always been a firm believer that no companion is better than a bad companion - especially for children who cannot always see negative traits in others. I was always careful to monitor what kind of personality my children's playmates displayed. It really pays to have them play with other children who are kind, sharing and thoughtful. They can pick up bad habits so easily, but the good habits take a lot of work!

I definitely would continue to try to be friendly with the neighbor. She may be shy or not sure what kind of people folks from NJ may be like. Some people do not understand universal brotherhood and that we are all basically the same and lots of people from somewhere else have outstanding values and good qualities.

I would continue to give the neighbor the benefit of the doubt and I like the cookie or pie suggestion. I would be just as friendly as I could be, and try not to be hurt by the snub (if that is what it is). I would also explain to your little 4 yr. old that sometimes people are too busy to play or the mommy might not be feeling too good that day.

You do want to protect her from thinking that it is her fault. Often, if a small child sees that someone is not friendly toward them all they can figure is that she did something wrong. You don't want to let her think that, but instead how lucky any little girl would be to have a friend like her!

There are many books that deal with friendship that your granddaughter would enjoy and learn from. Here is a link for some:
Amazon.com: childrens friend books: Books

I sure hope that she has some friends soon. She sure has a great grandmother! How about swim lessons at the YMCA? Gymbaree? Schools and libraries often have afterschool programs (art, music, etc.) that give children lots of sharing time with other little ones. She will make lots of buddies once she starts kindergarten, also. She will be fine with the right kind of friends.

[Grizzlybear34]

Originally Posted by knoxgarden

Ask the neighbor what the problem is. Explain that your granddaughter would like to play with their daughter and you'd like to arrange for playdates that would be convenient.
Their daughter may be grounded or not allowed to play for some reason that has nothing to do with your granddaughter. Or your granddaughter may have said or done something that upset the other girl or her parents.
The only way to get the answer is to ask the question.

I think Knox nailed it. We have a neighbor here and had a similiar situation 13 years ago when our kids were much younger. It turned out, the mom was very structured, it must be set up in advance, etc. Until we moved in, there were no other kids in the neighborhood the same age so I think it kind of rocked their world a little. Sounds like your situation.

I tend to think everyone loves me, and so I just get in people's faces (friendly like) and maybe that is too pushy. I think you always have to ask the question. That is how you know. Frame it nicely as Knox put it, and go for it.

P.S. We're all great friends now, they had no choice...

[hiknapster]

Around here, especially out in the country, can be very different. It's like nothing I've ever seen.

[phyll]

Originally Posted by Pam& Bill

Phyll,
Back in NY, my daughter was a year younger then the neighbors kid on the other side of the fence. The girls played together a few times. The neighbors kid lorded it over my daughter that she was "little" and a baby and not as old as her. Pure typical b****y female behavior.(They start young) I got along fine with the adult neighbors but their kid I could do without. I never really encouraged them playing together, and the kid was no better in the house, she thought she was better because she was older and her attitude hurt my daughters feelings. So your gdaughter may be better off not playing with a 5 year old.
Pam

I think it IS because Kate is younger and I did watch yesterday while I was outside with my g-daughter,the girl was outside with her alittle older brother, mom was in the house and didn't come out and check on them for a verrrry long time and,I have to stay around my Katie alot.Maybe the mom feels like she HAS to be on watch all the time when my g-daughter goes over,I can understand that feeling.

[Pam& Bill]

Phyll,
When the kids are 4 and 5 years old, that year in age difference means a lot. You may be right that the mom feels like she would have to watch the kids more then if they were the same age.
My kids both seemed to have friends that if they were playing together I had to watch them more then with other kids. One kid had a fascination with matches and he stole them at every opportunity. It seemed that after a few times of the kids coming over that had to be watched, I didn't want them there if I had to keep such a close eye on them. So this could be the reasoning behind them not playing together....
Pam

[2mares]

Phyll,
Hope you get everything worked out. My 2 are grown, but Ive always had my nephews and then gkids around alot. My nephew is 14 and gs 10, newphew is now feeling too old to hang with gs. They have been inseperatable for 10 yrs. I know this will hurt my gs and there arent any kids on my street for him to play with. This morn I was scoping out some kids near my place waiting for the bus to see if they might be suitable playmates. LOL.

[Bones]

Originally Posted by 2mares

Phyll,
Hope you get everything worked out. My 2 are grown, but Ive always had my nephews and then gkids around alot. My nephew is 14 and gs 10, newphew is now feeling too old to hang with gs. They have been inseperatable for 10 yrs. I know this will hurt my gs and there arent any kids on my street for him to play with. This morn I was scoping out some kids near my place waiting for the bus to see if they might be suitable playmates. LOL.

Hope ya don't get caught stalking...LOL...

[2mares]

Bones
That did cross my mind and I felt a little creepy!