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Unread 08-21-2008, 08:34 AM
 
Location: Houston
408 posts, read 1,011,229 times
Reputation: 279
Default Football Season South vs North

I got this via email. I've lived my whole life in the South so I don't know if the descriptions of the North are true but in my experience, the southern bits on right on!

Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different
than up North.

Women's Accessories:
NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a
fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.

Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Fathers:
NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.

Heroes:
NORTH: Rudy Giuliani
SOUTH: Archie &Peyton Manning, Vince Young

Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on
campus, make a large financial contribution and put name on a waiting list
for tickets.

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because
they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.

Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for
the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting 'Game Day Live' to get on camera and wave to the students up north who wonder why 'Game Day Live' is never Broadcast from their campus.

Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local
radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking
accompanied by live performance from the Dave Matthews Band,... who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask 'Where's the stadium?' When you find it, you walk right
in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it is the state's
third largest city.

Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH : Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand
up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part
harmony.

The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Gunpowder (from the cannon in the end zone), with a touch of
bourbon.

Commentary (Male):
NORTH: 'Nice play.'
SOUTH: 'Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs.'

Commentary (Female):
NORTH: 'My, this certainly is a violent sport.'
SOUTH: 'Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs.'

Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to
the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next
week's game.
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Unread 08-21-2008, 08:44 AM
 
Location: Texas
26,065 posts, read 19,249,379 times
Reputation: 29570
Absolutely! Go 'horns!
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Unread 08-21-2008, 09:04 AM
 
Location: Texas
3,494 posts, read 8,926,517 times
Reputation: 1251
Southern states have so much more fun. I really feel sorry for people who don't live life like us! They sure are missin' out!
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Unread 08-21-2008, 04:03 PM
 
122 posts, read 184,408 times
Reputation: 53
It's football time in Tennessee!!!!
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Unread 08-25-2008, 07:55 AM
 
Location: Dallas
808 posts, read 2,254,454 times
Reputation: 264
Quote:
Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.
This made me laugh. At SMU, we have a statue of Doak Walker.
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Unread 08-25-2008, 10:05 AM
 
Location: Lake Arlington Heights, IL
5,224 posts, read 5,342,986 times
Reputation: 2468
Funny. What is definition of "North"? Midwest must not be included, because we're a mix of the 2. Rudy who? Is he the guy who walked on at Notre Dame and they made the movie "Rudy" out of the kid's story?
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Unread 08-25-2008, 03:48 PM
 
Location: Mesquite, TX
869 posts, read 1,776,080 times
Reputation: 481
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
absolutely! Go 'horns!
saw 'em off!
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Unread 08-30-2008, 08:15 AM
 
9,623 posts, read 9,952,433 times
Reputation: 4753
This was a funny thread! Reminds me of a story I once read (reportedly true) in some article about football in the Southern states, and an anecdote related within concerned a man from Alabama (I think it was) when the Crimson Tide was playing Notre Dame. The fellow was newly married to a northern woman who expressed some surprise that Southerners put so much stock in the outcome of a football game. In all seriousness, the fellow told his wife: "Honey, it is more than just a game...it is OUR way of life against THEIRS!" LOL

This was, again, in Alabama as I recall, but it just as easily could have been Texas against Penn State, or Tennessee vs. Michigan or whatever!
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