spouse abuse info. Fort Hood (rent, move, bills)

[Mom2Feebs]

She absolutely needs to go see his C.O.--the military does NOT put up with that kind of BS--at least, not that I've seen from USAF and USMC.

[carlitasway]

You need to go get her.

[NOTAM]

oh...by the way...while they are LEGALLY married, she continues to be entitled to BAH for herself and children, if she has any.
if he is reported to his command, they will move him to the barracks, away from the family unit. HE has to leave family housing. and he would be placed in mandatory anger management therapy, and possibly a psych consult. spousal abuse is not mandatory to report-unlike child abuse. the spouse victim must want to press charges. if he is only verbally/mentally abusive, he can still be moved to the barracks upon the command's discretion.
alot of military wives hesitate to report abuse to their soldiers command because they think they will lose their housing and substinence allowance.
it AINT so.
family housing belongs to the military family, NOT the active duty member.

interesting to note that i had to deal with this issue at work with several of my clients this week. though in my years working for the military, that sure aint unusual...it's very commonplace. soldiers coming back from the sandbox have ALOT of PTSD issues, intermittent explosive disorder, anxiety, depression, substance abuse....i can only pray that our new Commander in Chief does not make the mistake of cutting back on any VA or MTF (miiltary treatment facility) services-we are going to need a WHOLE lot more to take care of our service members.

[JoanD'Arc]

Thanks for the points! I really hope the info I gave was helpful.
If you sent a note, I didn't get it??
Best,
J

[Cinnerinsa]

Hello everyone,
My Best friend has a daughter in Killeen with a similar situation.He is Military and states she has 2 weeks to move out if she is not happy.He states he filed for Divorce with Jag and all she has to do is sign papers.He has also closed their Bank accounts and left her and her kids with no money and no food. no vehicle. He is still living with them but not on speaking terms with his wife or kids.I thought he had to go to the barracks and she would stay in Military housing with her kids...I think he is a Ticking time Bomb! I suggested to my girlfriend for her daughter to go to his commander and let him know what state of mind he is in, and how he wants to throw them out!I also suggested she give power of attorney to her mom before he makes another slick move. She has registered with some type of nursing to get certified and get herself a job, so she cannot leave yet. They have 2 kids. She has family in SA, but wants to continue with her education there. Does any one have any advise I can give them? PLEASE HELP WITH INFO!! THANKS

[NOTAM]

did you read my posts in this thread? if you have additional specific questions, feel free to direct message me.

Originally Posted by Cinnerinsa

Hello everyone,
My Best friend has a daughter in Killeen with a similar situation.He is Military and states she has 2 weeks to move out if she is not happy.He states he filed for Divorce with Jag and all she has to do is sign papers.He has also closed their Bank accounts and left her and her kids with no money and no food. no vehicle. He is still living with them but not on speaking terms with his wife or kids.I thought he had to go to the barracks and she would stay in Military housing with her kids...I think he is a Ticking time Bomb! I suggested to my girlfriend for her daughter to go to his commander and let him know what state of mind he is in, and how he wants to throw them out!I also suggested she give power of attorney to her mom before he makes another slick move. She has registered with some type of nursing to get certified and get herself a job, so she cannot leave yet. They have 2 kids. She has family in SA, but wants to continue with her education there. Does any one have any advise I can give them? PLEASE HELP WITH INFO!! THANKS

[armywifeandmom]

Originally Posted by Cinnerinsa

Hello everyone,
My Best friend has a daughter in Killeen with a similar situation.He is Military and states she has 2 weeks to move out if she is not happy.(He's lying and he's being a bully relying on the fact that she will believe what he says)He states he filed for Divorce with Jag (another lie, as far as I have ever seen JAG does not handle divorces)and all she has to do is sign papers.He has also closed their Bank accounts and left her and her kids with no money and no food. no vehicle.(if she has not done so she needs to call her Husband's 1SG and/or CO as soon as possible, it is against regs for him to deny support to his dependents) He is still living with them but not on speaking terms with his wife or kids.I thought he had to go to the barracks and she would stay in Military housing with her kids...I think he is a Ticking time Bomb! I suggested to my girlfriend for her daughter to go to his commander and let him know what state of mind he is in, and how he wants to throw them out!I also suggested she give power of attorney to her mom before he makes another slick move. (For what reason?) She has registered with some type of nursing to get certified and get herself a job, so she cannot leave yet. They have 2 kids. She has family in SA, but wants to continue with her education there. Does any one have any advise I can give them? PLEASE HELP WITH INFO!! THANKS

My answers are in red. Please read what Notam has posted also. If she wants to make his behind tighten up, she can tell him to have a look at AR 608-99 'nuff said. Knuckleheads like this peeve me to no end.

[Cupcake77]

She needs to get out of there ASAP and move on. Once a woman beater, always a woman beater.

[CptnRn]

God bless all of our enlisted men and their families who are going through these hard times.

[underscore36]

I usually don't post or reply on these types of things, but I read your post and I absolutely had to. First, I am an ex-military spouse. And take it from one who knows, I have been in your daughters shoes. I was in a marriage for many years where my at-that-time husband grew more and more violent. I lived the last two years of that marriage in terror. Please, with all due respect to all that have replied as well as their gracious prayers for your daughter, please understand they sometimes dont know much about abuse, or the way the sytem (especially military) works.
First, if you just go and get your daughter, she will go back. It might take a week, might take a month, but I promise you, she will go back. Abusers put lots of effort, work, and time into getting the ones they abuse into such an emotional and mental state that they take the abuse. And abusers dont like to see it end and that effort is wasted. And inside, they are usually control freaks who are scared themselves that they may never find someone else who will put up with it. I promise, if you go get her, her husband will be sweetness and honey, full of apologies, until she goes back to him. Then, after a very short period of time, she will pay for what she did. If she fully understood this cycle, and knew how to break it, she would put herself on a plane. You forcing her to come will only make it worse.
2- A call to his commander or chain of command will do nothing. You will be seen as an intrusion, and yes, the military does and is trained to protect it's own. A chain of command is NOT going to do ANYTHING due to a call out of nowhere from a complete stranger. Sure, they may set the soldier down, but of course he will give his side, true or not, and they will rely on him. With just a phone call from you, who could just be an angry relative, or just someone who has a daughter who complains too much (I know that is not the case, but it is some of the options they may consider) they will do nothing. Even after my at-that-time husband was arrested for trying to strangle me, his chain of command put him in the barracks for 72 hours, and his commander called me to tell me he was coming home. I explained then that he was dangerous and I was told, by this same commander "M'am, I cannot keep him here in the barracks while he is signed for housing. You can either try to get a restraining order in the next 12 hours, or you can leave and I suggest you get on with your life, and if he wants to do bad things, let him."
Please understand that yes, you need to do something. But the military is a slow moving machine. You need to take a few hours as soon as possible and call every number you can, besides the chain of command. You need to have people there to knock on the chain of commands door, so to speak. Call the chaplain, call family advocacy, call the Investigator General, call the mps (they wont go pick him up or anything, but let them know what is going on). Call Army Community Service, call the spousal abuse hotline, call Family Advocacy, call the post Social Services, call Mental Health, call EVERYONE!!!! Some of those agencies will contact your daughter. Some will contact the chain of command. But word coming from more than one on-post agency means far more than word from a worried mother-in-law (sad, but true.)
http://fthood.healthandperformanceso...-Resources.pdf
There is a link to Fort Hood useful numbers. Go down the list and call them all. Try to convince your daughter to take a break, and seek some help of her own. If nothing else, it might enlighten her as to the patterns of abusive behavior, so she can then make an informed, most beneficial decision. And know that the "increasing" violence will get worse. It really is sort of like an intervention. Only there are two junkies in an abusive relationship, both reliant on and practicing the bad behavior on each other. So an intervention is needed from many parties.
And, get the money for a plane ticket together. And let your daughter know that the minute she needs or decides she is ready to leave, that ticket will be purchased immediately. Understand, she has been "trained" in a way to feel that being reliant on someone only results in negative consequences. So she will be very reluctant to take your help. So, tell her, the ticket will be there, day or night, NO QUESTIONS ASKED! That will help to build up her much-shaken trust.
I pray for your daughter and all who go through this with all of the fervor of one who has been through it, and wishes for them all to get away from it to the peaceful place that is what life REALLY is, without the abuse.