Can Texas family influence decision to marry? (Dallas: how much, weddings)

[floridadreamer]

Here's the question. Does a texas family with money and "influence" really have a place to say, they don't want their "neice" or whatever marrying a certain person???

The situation is this. My husband is from Europe and his best friend (also from Europe) has been living with a woman for about a year now and they want to get married. She is divorced with two children and the father lives out of state. Problem is, certain family members don't agree with the union, and say if they get married they could "make trouble" for her. They are actually considering moving out of state just so they can be together and not be bothered by nosey family members.

Is Texas really that conservative that a person has to care that much what the "family" thinks? Is there any way to change their minds? And if it is that conservative, what would they say if she just happen to "accidentally" get pregnant?? Or atleast say that she is.

[loves2read]

like Tolstoy wrote, unhappy families are unhappy in their own way...

[Lisa_from_Debary]

Its not just about families in Texas, its anywhere. If these people are so manipulative and controlling, your friend might just have to do whats right for her and stay away from them.

Of course if this is a family with money, she could risk being disinherited but I'm sure she knows this.
I wouldn't waste my time trying to change anyones mind, sounds like they have it set already.

Moving away sounds like a good idea, if she has a large family that knows alot of people then who knows what trouble they could stir up for the couple. A well placed word could loose someone a job...you just never know when your dealing with people like that.

[floridadreamer]

Originally Posted by Lisa_from_Debary

Its not just about families in Texas, its anywhere. If these people are so manipulative and controlling, your friend might just have to do whats right for her and stay away from them.

Of course if this is a family with money, she could risk being disinherited but I'm sure she knows this.
I wouldn't waste my time trying to change anyones mind, sounds like they have it set already.

Moving away sounds like a good idea, if she has a large family that knows alot of people then who knows what trouble they could stir up for the couple. A well placed word could loose someone a job...you just never know when your dealing with people like that.

Having lived in Texas, what do you think the reaction would be if she got pregnant? Would there be a "shotgun" wedding, or would they still be against it?

[Lisa_from_Debary]

Originally Posted by floridadreamer

Having lived in Texas, what do you think the reaction would be if she got pregnant? Would there be a "shotgun" wedding, or would they still be against it?

I personally believe that they would think EVEN less of the man she wants to marry if she got pregnant before they got married, in a family like that, they would believe he had opened her up to public scrutiny and shame...

I speak from some experience not only in that I lived in Texas but that I had a child while single in Texas...

If they really want to be together, they should just get married, move away and live their life. One thing I can tell you about the Alpha Texan Male, they aren't convinced easily to change their mind once they have made a public stand on something...best to leave it alone and hope time will change how they feel. If they allowed someone to change their mind...its like admitting they were wrong in the beginning.

[Marlow]

Nothing about this situation has a thing in the world to do with their living in Texas. It's just family politics.

[Debsi]

Originally Posted by Marlow

Nothing about this situation has a thing in the world to do with their living in Texas. It's just family politics.

Yes, this seems obvious to me too.

[Lisa_from_Debary]

I agree, its more to do with them being wealthy and influential AND clearly being overly enmeshed in their adult daughters life...

That can happen anywhere...of course coincidentally, it happened to me living in Texas.

[johnrex62]

Originally Posted by floridadreamer

Having lived in Texas, what do you think the reaction would be if she got pregnant? Would there be a "shotgun" wedding, or would they still be against it?

I don't think there is any Texas to the equation. Some families will fight no matter what. I haven't heard of any "shotgun" weddings occurring in Texas during my lifetime (which is probably a bit longer than yours at this point in time). If they resent him now, they will resent him if she suddenly develops a case of pregnancy and will resent him more when she doesn't drop a kid on cue in nine months.

Premarrital pregnancy, even in conservative families, is not the stigma it once was. It doesn't always even warrant a TSK TSK anymore in some families. Since she is divorced with kids, no one expects her to remain virginal once divorced and even less since they are living together. I would say that approach would not gain them much.

[momof2dfw]

It is not just Texas or Texans that can be that way. People here are no different than any other place. They either like someone or not. Then you have whole societies of people that still to this day have prearranged marriages. Yes, even in the United States. Then the whole religion issue, are they the same religion? But I know MANY people that get married that are a different religion and it is just fine and that includes my own sister. Nobody has outcast them or anything. So exactly what kind of "trouble" could these extended family members make? I mean really folks, let's be mature and reasonable. No one is going to get fired from a job that is NOT part of a family business based on nonsense and rumors. These family members can say all the gossip they want but smart people are going to know the difference. If they work for a place that likes them and treats them fair and the outside family members have no say in the company then who gives a rats behind. I could have some lame brain call up and say that one of my employees cheated them out of something and go on and on but after I talk to the employee and just see that it is someone up to no good I won't care and if they dared to call back I'd tell them to kiss off and get a life and hang up. I'd kiss the extended family members off and I don't care how much money or influence they have. Dallas is a BIG city and they can live in this area and never have the chance to bump into each other. Now if they are living in family owned property and work in a family business they can either stay in their situation and get married and tough it out and deal w/ it OR they can find another job and another place to live. But...... people CAN change their minds. My husband was NOT my parents favorite for the entire 10 years I knew him and dated before we got married. They barely tolerated me dating him. We got married and they supported us getting married (not financially). Now they LOVE HIM! I know others that had the same thing........ parents that hated their boyfriend to death but she married him anyway and now the guy is usually their favorite son in law.

So if they had a child out of wedlock they would be forced into marriage? LOL!!! Not the case at all. If these two people are grown adults they can do whatever they want. If their decisions are okay w/ them then who cares. I've known many people around that had a child when they were single and no one forced them to get married or "marked" them. For instance, I know of a teacher in one area school district that is well regarded that was pregnant by the time she got married but she had not told anyone except the father to be. When they came back from their honeymoon they told their parents. A little bit later they told everyone else. That year the school threw her a baby shower and she was not run out of town or anything.

BTW, why does it always have to be assumed that Texas and Texans are like this???? I've heard of much worse happening in other states. Oh well, same old false misconceptions that too many believe and keep on spreading.