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I have seen a lot of posts about women in Toronto and I was wondering...what about the guys? Are they considered just as picky, snobby and hard to talk to? Are they more aggressive? Impolite? For the record, I don't have a personal opinion on women in Toronto because I rely don't know any myself, Im simply curious about the male population in comparison. Of course I understand that its all generalization and perception. It wont really affect me as I'm relocating as part of a couple, but I'm curious about your experiences
That is a tricky question. I find in general men and women really do not talk in most setting unless introduced to by freinds, or at work, a night club or bar. I find men very scared to get shot down when approaching a women to talk so they often avoid it. I am often out for walks in the evening by myself. The other night I was approached by this man who was trying to introduce himself in a non threatening very respectful way. I am not single so I did not want to lead him on. I made sure to politely turn him down in the most freindly way as not to discourage him from trying to talk with someone else. I have totally coined him the bravest man in the city lol as I find men in this city (as well as women too) worry about getting embrassed or told off if they approach someone. I do not think it is about being snobby, but rather fear or rejection or that the person will think you are harrasing them. It was not always like this. 15 years ago men in this city were also more aggressive in purpusing women, but I think have been conditioned to be super careful as to how agressively they try to pursue someone outside nights clubs or bars where the assumption is that people are there to meet other people. For example it was totally common for someone to try and meet someone on the TTC, but now soooooo not likely. Everyone has their head phones on and making eye contact is almost taboo lol. That is why when they man approached with when I had my headphone on I was I had to laugh because people soooo do not do that any more. I think there is an art to a man approaching a women without coming across creepy that often causes significant shyness on the man's part.
Last edited by klmrocks; 04-19-2015 at 05:11 PM..
Reason: type o
I think you make an excellent point. My BF is often saying that being a man has gotten a little tricky. You can't be aggressive or your a creep, but if you are not aggressive then your a wus. lol I can totally understand how it can be confusing because as a woman, I'm a little confused too! You want to be independent and proud of it, yet on the other hand you like feeling "taken care of" in that traditional wife/mother sense. Kinda hard not to send some mixed signals or have a fine balance in expectations.
As for the snobby thing, I agree with that too, personally I get it. Ive always been shy and have a serious case of resting ***** face. Most of my life people have told me they thought (insert unpleasant judgement here) about me until I randomly helped them out with something or (unintentionally) made them laugh. I avoid eye contact, usually wait for more outgoing people to acknowledge me before making contact etc. Its because I'm a little intimidated by my own awkwardness and like you said, I don't want to embarrass myself. I don't think I'm better than anyone, am very openminded to other people dealing with their own issues and have lived enough crazy BS not to judge. But still I get a lot of negative feedback unless I try REALLY hard to be what people consider "pleasant". I have to say though...my avoid ant behaviour is a little dumb because when I do just try to share my good mood with a smile or a greeting it feels great! lol Go figure.
Anyhow Im rambling, but thanks for responding, I assumed people were basing their perceptions on nasty behaviour...even then its usually an insecurity thing.
Growing up in this city, I can tell you it depends on which part of the city you are in. Scarborough people are more direct and you will be approached. Downtown, not so much, unless the guy is **** drunk. They even did an analysis of the missed connections section of Craigslist and STC was the stop with the least missed connections. My friends and I were laughing because men from Scarborough will just approach you not go home and write about it on the internet.
I would like to give some advice to men that are hesitant:
When you approach a girl, say hello and introduce yourself, then ask her name or names if with friends.
Start a friendly conversation about something generic, the venue/event or worse comes to worse the weather/traffic/terrible experience on TTC (always favourite topics of all residents).
Move slowly into flirtatious conversation to see if you get anything back. Something tame, that's a pretty colour your wearing, I like your dress/shoes.
DO NOT start off with occupation/where do you work.
Do ask what do you like to do for fun, or state something fun you recently did or tried to establish if you have similar interests.
Growing up in this city, I can tell you it depends on which part of the city you are in. Scarborough people are more direct and you will be approached. Downtown, not so much, unless the guy is **** drunk. They even did an analysis of the missed connections section of Craigslist and STC was the stop with the least missed connections. My friends and I were laughing because men from Scarborough will just approach you not go home and write about it on the internet.
I would like to give some advice to men that are hesitant:
When you approach a girl, say hello and introduce yourself, then ask her name or names if with friends.
Start a friendly conversation about something generic, the venue/event or worse comes to worse the weather/traffic/terrible experience on TTC (always favourite topics of all residents).
Move slowly into flirtatious conversation to see if you get anything back. Something tame, that's a pretty colour your wearing, I like your dress/shoes.
DO NOT start off with occupation/where do you work.
Do ask what do you like to do for fun, or state something fun you recently did or tried to establish if you have similar interests.
Great advice! A cute pickup idea I saw was to check out book stores to peg girls with similar interests or interests you seek in a partner, then buy her a book! lol You don't have to buy it for her obviously, but help her find what she's looking for or asking her for help is pretty harmless and such an easy conversation starter. I was thinking about it and it dawned on me that a guy will buy a girl a couple drinks to open the door but buying a book is considered weird. " Hellp beautiful, might ? interest you in a little intoxication? Im really interested in getting to know you and am a great guy!" vs. " Hey Im interested in XYZ too, and your kinda cute might I interest you some intellectual stimulation?"...Ok so I'm exaggerating a bit but you get the Idea.
Besides if she shuts you down hard no harm no foul. Someone who's social skills are so limited they can't be polite, are probably saving you a lot of a** pains. And if you have a nice chat but she has a BF or whatever, at least you had an interesting exchange with someone no? lol Im going to check out those craigslist posts lol
In general, it's not that common for men to approach women "cold turkey" in Toronto. It's just part of the local culture. Women have to put a little bit of effort in letting the man know that it's OK to be approached in some way or another.
In general, it's not that common for men to approach women "cold turkey" in Toronto. It's just part of the local culture. Women have to put a little bit of effort in letting the man know that it's OK to be approached in some way or another.
It is probably a hard city for women, as most of the men live/behave like monks, will never become aggressive or forward to alleviate the situation, and won't complain about it even though they lay to waste their most virile years being in Toronto. It doesn't help that it isn't normal for a Toronto woman to be or appear approachable and seem to shape their lives to avoid as much unknown/outsider male contact as possible. Yes, someone from a S. Am Latin culture wouldn't likely carry this cross without a fight as they are more forward and extroverted. I can count on more than one hand the amount of Toronto guys who've done well in life outside of the couples arena (school, work, finances, etc) but are near ground zero or scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to women.
In general women are boss in the Toronto dating world and date way up (it becomes a catch22 with elevated standards across the board), so a guy you'd expect to be able to pull a different woman every week is settling for something under their league or hanging off of one very barely average girl.
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