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Old 08-20-2017, 09:35 AM
 
Location: Toronto
6,754 posts, read 3,776,432 times
Reputation: 4619

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I am asking this question because I have been noticing some really concerning behaviour of some women towards men as I float about my city and the surrounding cities.

Legally speaking it is not okay to for anyone to be sexually harassing anyone else, but I am 100% see gross social double standstards occuring on a regular basis and wanted to explore this topic.

Anyone who has read anything I have ever written knows I go to many concerts. Every crowd is different depending on the artist and location of the venue, but I habe been noticing more and more it seems for some reason certain women think it is okay to sexually harass men verbally or physically.

I see this happening all the time, no one says anything. Often the man that has this happening to him looks embarassed or annoyed about the situation, but is excepted to take it as a compliment and just brush it off. No one seems to be willing to put these women in their place.

I will give in an example that sparked this thread.

I was at a concert this week and the security guard working on the floor that was blocking people from entering the front floor level was respectfully telling people to move back, but had several really disgustig disrespecful females start grinding on him, twerking on and touching him in very sexual ways despite him asking them to back up and stop what they were doing. He looked upset and annoyed and verbally expressed he wanted them to stop. He also called for back up security. I saw people in the crowd laughing it off ex ok look at those sluts trying to give him a free lap dance to try and seek through to the front of the concert.

He was not laughing. His facial expression suggested he was upset about this and he asked them to stop. So in legal reality he was being sexually assaulted in public and socially this seemed okay. If these was a man doing this to a woman everyone would have been up in arms and numerous people would have stepped in.

I see this stuff happen fequently with no consequences which makes me wonder why sexually harassing men seems to be socially okay.

The drunk factor is not an excuse as it is not an excuse for men. This also makes me wonder why or if men are shamed in to be silenced about this. If for example this security guard after given physical and verbal cues that he wanted them to stop and they did not then decided to punch, kick or hit them to get them to stop .... I can say with certainty socially the sexiest comments like "What kind of man hits a women" would come out with easy.

I think women in this city and Country REALLY need to reflect on this and ensure that they are conducting themselves in accordance with laws surrounding the topic of sexual harassment and stop assuming that these laws only apply to men because they dont.

I also encourage men to start reminded womem who do stuff like this that have the right to and will press charges.

We might need to start adding phrases like " What kind of women sexually harasses or assaults a man" to our cultural phrase book to keep up with the legal and moral realities of sexual asault.

Last edited by klmrocks; 08-20-2017 at 09:55 AM..
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Old 08-20-2017, 01:32 PM
 
Location: Vancouver
12,670 posts, read 8,740,385 times
Reputation: 7281
Is it OK? No.

Is there a double standard? Yes.
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Old 08-20-2017, 04:55 PM
 
47 posts, read 21,658 times
Reputation: 30
I'm amazed at shocked at this. I lived in toronto many years ago and i'm trying to return from the uk.
If you're seeing it often enough to write this post that's very concerning.

There big YouTube channels that have experimented on this subject and they asked witnesses why they didn't step in. Most said that it was okay because a man could defend himself from a woman but not the other way around. Men and women also seemed to think the guy was lucky to be the recipient of such behaviour and should be grateful or see it as a joke.

It's the same with many other double standards too, Racism can be accepted by some people because some people believe certain people can't be racist. When infact if you're of a race, then you can be a victim. If you're of a gender you can be sexually assaulted, there are no exclusions.

Can I ask how regulary you see this conduct? Perhaps in your example (and as wrong as it sounds) perhaps they feel it was against a person working so he couldn't really complain. Had it been to a random person in the street they may not have done it. Again, no excusing it at all, just considering a reason for why they thought it was acceptable.
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Old 08-20-2017, 06:15 PM
 
Location: Toronto
6,754 posts, read 3,776,432 times
Reputation: 4619
Default .......

Quote:
Originally Posted by Addzz View Post
I'm amazed at shocked at this. I lived in toronto many years ago and i'm trying to return from the uk.
If you're seeing it often enough to write this post that's very concerning.

There big YouTube channels that have experimented on this subject and they asked witnesses why they didn't step in. Most said that it was okay because a man could defend himself from a woman but not the other way around. Men and women also seemed to think the guy was lucky to be the recipient of such behaviour and should be grateful or see it as a joke.

It's the same with many other double standards too, Racism can be accepted by some people because some people believe certain people can't be racist. When infact if you're of a race, then you can be a victim. If you're of a gender you can be sexually assaulted, there are no exclusions.

Can I ask how regulary you see this conduct? Perhaps in your example (and as wrong as it sounds) perhaps they feel it was against a person working so he couldn't really complain. Had it been to a random person in the street they may not have done it. Again, no excusing it at all, just considering a reason for why they thought it was acceptable.
What made it worse to me is that they knew he was working. So it is also work place harassment.

This drama was happening behind me and I was trying to enjoy the concert... but was checking behind me to ensure this security person got the situation under control before I got trampled buy a bunch idiots. These are the same type of idiots that try and jump of stage and do dumb dangerous stuff like that. I am seeing this mainly directed towards men that are working come to think of it waiters, bar tenders, health care workers, fire fighters ... security guards etc. It is just aappalling.
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Old 08-20-2017, 07:09 PM
 
2,328 posts, read 5,058,439 times
Reputation: 2746
The difference between men harassing women and women harassing men is that when women do it, it can almost universally attributed to being smashed. Sober women usually don't harass men. Men, on the other hand, can be sober or smashed.
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Old 08-20-2017, 09:06 PM
 
Location: Toronto
6,754 posts, read 3,776,432 times
Reputation: 4619
Default ......

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Originally Posted by rubygreta View Post
The difference between men harassing women and women harassing men is that when women do it, it can almost universally attributed to being smashed. Sober women usually don't harass men. Men, on the other hand, can be sober or smashed.
Ya... well that is too bad though. It is still illegal. I am totally bias as I have a huge dislike towards people that can't handle their liquor. People need to actually act like adults because they are still accountable for whatever they do even if they choose to get drunk or high. I have no mercy for people who get drunk or stonned. If a woman got sexually assaulted by a drunk man ... he would not get off due to that.

This is excuse just boils my blood because 99.9% no one put a gun to anyone's head and told them to drink or get high. Other people should not have to suffer because some people are just totally irresponsbile.

Also to hit on someone is one thing... but to continue once they have actually asked to you to stop is considered assault drunk or sober.

This guy stright out asked them to stop and back away from him multiple times and they still continued. To be honest if the shoe was on the other foot ex if a man drunk or sober did that to me after I directly told him to stop iit might get physical. I am nice, but if someone crosses the line with me I have well filed nails, a purse full of sharp objects and a temper so he might just get his eyes poke out with an eyeliner, tweezers, a swaroski pen, scrached up or beat over the head a dozen times with a designer bag.... in short it would not go well. I dont take well to people getting in my personal space and to be honest I am usually pretty good with just getting my point across verbally so I have neve had to go there.

Being drunk is no excuse for sexually harassing someone. So I am seriously thinking men should start pressing charges for stuff like this. It is totally disrespectful.
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Old 08-25-2017, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Thunder Bay, ON
2,610 posts, read 3,759,792 times
Reputation: 1616
I agree this is completely disgusting behaviour. I'm kind of shy and not the most physically assertive guy and I value people who respect my personal space so this would have made me extremely uncomfortable.

First of all, men often do like to feel like they are the one choosing their women, as a point of pride. Personally, I do not what sex from just anyone, to me intimacy and allowing myself to give into my physical urges is a form of vulnerability and I'd want to be comfortable with the person I am sharing that with. If a women disrespects me like that and starts grinding on me... To me they are abusing the situation to humiliate him and show off what they can get away with. Since he is on the job he is supposed to act professional, he can't just walk away, he's supposed to man his post, and obviously it would be unprofessional to start grinding with them or allow himself to get aroused. But he also doesn't want to hit them when they don't pose a physical threat in the traditional sense.

Hindsight is 20/20, but I think maybe what I would have done here is pull her face close to mine... and then spit in it and rub it all over her face. Suits the crime imo.
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Old 08-25-2017, 03:46 PM
 
Location: Toronto
6,754 posts, read 3,776,432 times
Reputation: 4619
Default ......

Quote:
Originally Posted by memph View Post
I agree this is completely disgusting behaviour. I'm kind of shy and not the most physically assertive guy and I value people who respect my personal space so this would have made me extremely uncomfortable.

First of all, men often do like to feel like they are the one choosing their women, as a point of pride. Personally, I do not what sex from just anyone, to me intimacy and allowing myself to give into my physical urges is a form of vulnerability and I'd want to be comfortable with the person I am sharing that with. If a women disrespects me like that and starts grinding on me... To me they are abusing the situation to humiliate him and show off what they can get away with. Since he is on the job he is supposed to act professional, he can't just walk away, he's supposed to man his post, and obviously it would be unprofessional to start grinding with them or allow himself to get aroused. But he also doesn't want to hit them when they don't pose a physical threat in the traditional sense.

Hindsight is 20/20, but I think maybe what I would have done here is pull her face close to mine... and then spit in it and rub it all over her face. Suits the crime imo.
This is totally what they were doing in my opinion and hence why I was upset buy it. It was outrageously disgusting behaviour. In my opinion his employer put him in an unfairly unsafe position manning the centre floor by himself. He could not move his hands as he was blocking people by spreading his arms across.

In any other venue that I have ever been in actually Toronto. You pull that nonsense or don't follow direction from security they will warn you once, but then toss your butt out of their. I am terrorified of the security especially on the floor in the Sony Centre.... YOU DO NOT **** THIS PEOPLE OFF! They are by far the strictest venue in the city. I have actually seen them escort people in $400 seats out for not following their warnings. They have also taken phones away ... so if they say no recording .... they are seriously inforcing it!!!!

Someone coming on to you or flirting with you in you are displaying interest is one thing ... but these idiots were just doing this to see if they could get him to move his hands so they could squeeze past him.
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Old 08-28-2017, 11:18 AM
 
426 posts, read 210,625 times
Reputation: 322
Quote:
Originally Posted by klmrocks View Post
I am asking this question because I have been noticing some really concerning behaviour of some women towards men as I float about my city and the surrounding cities.

Legally speaking it is not okay to for anyone to be sexually harassing anyone else, but I am 100% see gross social double standstards occuring on a regular basis and wanted to explore this topic.

Anyone who has read anything I have ever written knows I go to many concerts. Every crowd is different depending on the artist and location of the venue, but I habe been noticing more and more it seems for some reason certain women think it is okay to sexually harass men verbally or physically.

I see this happening all the time, no one says anything. Often the man that has this happening to him looks embarassed or annoyed about the situation, but is excepted to take it as a compliment and just brush it off. No one seems to be willing to put these women in their place.

I will give in an example that sparked this thread.

I was at a concert this week and the security guard working on the floor that was blocking people from entering the front floor level was respectfully telling people to move back, but had several really disgustig disrespecful females start grinding on him, twerking on and touching him in very sexual ways despite him asking them to back up and stop what they were doing. He looked upset and annoyed and verbally expressed he wanted them to stop. He also called for back up security. I saw people in the crowd laughing it off ex ok look at those sluts trying to give him a free lap dance to try and seek through to the front of the concert.

He was not laughing. His facial expression suggested he was upset about this and he asked them to stop. So in legal reality he was being sexually assaulted in public and socially this seemed okay. If these was a man doing this to a woman everyone would have been up in arms and numerous people would have stepped in.

I see this stuff happen fequently with no consequences which makes me wonder why sexually harassing men seems to be socially okay.

The drunk factor is not an excuse as it is not an excuse for men. This also makes me wonder why or if men are shamed in to be silenced about this. If for example this security guard after given physical and verbal cues that he wanted them to stop and they did not then decided to punch, kick or hit them to get them to stop .... I can say with certainty socially the sexiest comments like "What kind of man hits a women" would come out with easy.

I think women in this city and Country REALLY need to reflect on this and ensure that they are conducting themselves in accordance with laws surrounding the topic of sexual harassment and stop assuming that these laws only apply to men because they dont.

I also encourage men to start reminded womem who do stuff like this that have the right to and will press charges.

We might need to start adding phrases like " What kind of women sexually harasses or assaults a man" to our cultural phrase book to keep up with the legal and moral realities of sexual asault.

I would not be upset about this.
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Old 08-28-2017, 02:24 PM
 
Location: Toronto
6,754 posts, read 3,776,432 times
Reputation: 4619
Default .....

Quote:
Originally Posted by 8YearsinPittsburgh View Post
I would not be upset about this.
Okay just for the sake of an exercise....

Now re-think this situation and replace the woman you assumed was doing this with a woman that you found absolutely repulsive. Would it change your opinion?

I find in general a lot of men just assume that when something like this is done the women is really attractive ex some really hot looking woman that looks like a stripper.

For some crazy reason their seems to be some sort of generic double standard for men on this topic.

As a woman and I am sure not all women feel the same I don't care if the contact is from a man I was attracted to or a man I am not attracted to. If I tell you to stop touching me follow direction or you might lose your hand ( look I spelled lose correctly this time .... I am getting smarter every day ).
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