People in Toronto area (movies, construction, places to live)
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Oh, rest-of-the-world, you misunderstand us. We're not mean, we're just guarded.
You are not my best friend just because we spend 5 minutes chatting in line at the coffee shop and find out we both own dogs. If you ask to exchange phone numbers for a doggie date at this point I will think you've got a little bit of crazy going on. It's not that I don't ever want to be your friend, it's just that you came on too strong. You see, I was just going about my business, getting my morning coffee, and yes I own a dog but it really belongs to my boyfriend and secretly I think dogs are slimy, smelly creatures. I make friendships through shared social networks. Growing up, my parents taught me not to talk to strangers. I take my time to warm up to people and only pursue relationships I'm ready to invest in. However, once I know you and invest, I'm a fiercely loyal friend.
We are very much an intellectual city. Sometimes cold, sometimes bookish, but also with intense interests and passions. Meet me at an art show and maybe we'll hit it off about our favorite paintings. Meet me on a group bike ride and maybe we'll be riding buddies next week. Meet me at the dance studio for Salsa lessons, and maybe we'll be partners. But don't approach me at the bus stop, when I'm waiting in line, when I'm deep inside my head and don't make eye contact. Just don't. I won't be receptive. It's not because I'm mean or trying to purposely spurn you. No, it's because I'm guarded.
We are strongholds that must be worn down, or else broached in a logical, controlled way. If you try to storm the fort, you will be shut out. However, if you sign up for dance class you may be able to Waltz right through the front door, and if we like you, into our hearts too.
Oh, rest-of-the-world, you misunderstand us. We're not mean, we're just guarded.
You are not my best friend just because we spend 5 minutes chatting in line at the coffee shop and find out we both own dogs. If you ask to exchange phone numbers for a doggie date at this point I will think you've got a little bit of crazy going on. It's not that I don't ever want to be your friend, it's just that you came on too strong. You see, I was just going about my business, getting my morning coffee, and yes I own a dog but it really belongs to my boyfriend and secretly I think dogs are slimy, smelly creatures. I make friendships through shared social networks. Growing up, my parents taught me not to talk to strangers. I take my time to warm up to people and only pursue relationships I'm ready to invest in. However, once I know you and invest, I'm a fiercely loyal friend.
We are very much an intellectual city. Sometimes cold, sometimes bookish, but also with intense interests and passions. Meet me at an art show and maybe we'll hit it off about our favorite paintings. Meet me on a group bike ride and maybe we'll be riding buddies next week. Meet me at the dance studio for Salsa lessons, and maybe we'll be partners. But don't approach me at the bus stop, when I'm waiting in line, when I'm deep inside my head and don't make eye contact. Just don't. I won't be receptive. It's not because I'm mean or trying to purposely spurn you. No, it's because I'm guarded.
We are strongholds that must be worn down, or else broached in a logical, controlled way. If you try to storm the fort, you will be shut out. However, if you sign up for dance class you may be able to Waltz right through the front door, and if we like you, into our hearts too.
Sincerely,
Longtime Torontonian
accurate post....in the last 12 mo's or so, I've experienced more people 'chatting me up' in public places...in a nonthreatening, just talking to another person, kind of way...a noticeable change.
The hate in this thread is very strange...i think the haters s/b looking in the mirror instead of trying to look total strangers in the eye.
I came across this thread after starting another similar thread on this forum.
It seems to be very difficult to find friendly places to live nowadays - especially in larger cities. I think in general, the economic challenges of living in big cities, and smaller ones as well, are just overwhelming people. It is tough to be happy, open, friendly when things are so rough.
I've lived in Chicago for almost 40 years and there is nothing worse than getting pleasant smiles from would be friends only to overhear the worse kind of comments (of the racist sort) afterwards. But in the Midwest, politeness takes precedence over integrity and such behavior is considered quite acceptable. I find it very uncomfortable.
If Toronto people are cold, then so be it. At least it is honest. Coming from N.Y. you get it all in your face. People can be extremely friendly or very gruff - but it is honest. That is how I was raised. It makes it very difficult for me to live anywhere else where honest takes a back seat to civility. So which is better - to hear it to your face, or overhearing it behind your back. Each person can make his/her own choice.
I would like to move to Toronto, probably somewhere with tolerable housing costs such as Mississauga or Oakville, but I would like to be among people that I enjoy being with. I don't care if I don't get a lot of false smiles as long as I get a handful of genuine smiles. I know that this is the way it is in N.Y. But N.Y (and most large cities in the U.S.) has fallen into great economic hardships due to greed and corruption and this makes it very expensive to survive. This kind of economic climate is not conducive to a happy life. But maybe there are pockets in N.J, Westchester, or Connecticut where I can find the place I want to live. Or maybe Toronto would work out. I hope I make the right choice.
Location: Mexico and I hate it. I'm trying to move back to the US
186 posts, read 282,228 times
Reputation: 141
Quote:
Originally Posted by ajl22586
sensualspirit, I've also noticed this sort of behavior from some people that I've met here. It's sort of a latent "snarkiness" that manifests itself with dry comments to make you look like an idiot, especially in front of others. This happens in the US as well but - in my opinion - is far less prevalent, and is more common in juvenile circles rather than in the wider population.
I'm still unsure why this type of behavior is so widespread here. And I can't believe it's just me that's experienced this, particularly since I never encountered this during the time I lived and worked in the US.
Are you American, or a Canadian from a different province?
The thing is, I experience this from people who aren't just from TO, so I can't say it's only them.
I've encountered this from people from Alberta & BC too.
It's just bullying plain & simple & cyber bullying is becoming worse & worse every year.
Not saying Americans & people from the UK & AU don't bully, I just don't typically experience that kind of behavior from them. And as far as Americans, the ONLY time I've been bullied merciasly by them, is in expats groups/forums. THEN they can be very very nasty. Why expats are sooo nasty I have no idea, but it's sickening. Despite that, for me the Canadians stand out as being the worst.
Just one simple example is that I said something about ISPs in Canada & how we aren't allowed to watch tons of videos/stream etc., as Rogers lowered the amount we are allowed, while in the US, they are either given unlimited, or something really high like 250 (whatever comes after that I can't remember sorry LOL).
This became a HUGE topic of discussion when streaming Netflix came to Canada.
A Canadian guy bullied me in front of over 3,000 people telling me I don't know who the hell you are, you know NOTHING about what you are talking about. I know he's nasty to others too, but still. I had to ignore him b/c had I lost my temper, WOW, I didn't want to start a war.
I believe I've figured out part or maybe all of the reason.
Americans say what's on their mind a lot of the time, Canadians don't which is why they "appear" to be so nice. Emotionally speaking, it's not healthy to keep your feelings bottled up inside.
I can't find the article that I read recently about how people are MORE honest online. It basically said what I already knew. You want to know a person's true character, see how they act online.
People usually don't have the balls to say what they REALLY feel on the phone & especially in person, whereas online, they have no problem telling you what they REALLY think of you.
So I feel that b/c most Canadians hold a lot of their true feelings & streesors inside, they are more than happy to beat you up online. There's no repercussions & no one can see them doing it. That of course can be said about anything from role playing to talking sexy, to how the majority of workers online are VERY disrespectful towards the boss of companies, etc.
While I don't agree that people are honest about EVERYTHING online, when it comes to showing their true personality, I think this hits the nail on the head.
Oh I think I am probably just as repressed online as I am in real life.
Just kidding. I think you made a good point about how people act online versus in person. All that pent up evil starts sliding out, first a trickle, then a stream, then - kapow!
accurate post....in the last 12 mo's or so, I've experienced more people 'chatting me up' in public places...in a nonthreatening, just talking to another person, kind of way...a noticeable change.
The hate in this thread is very strange...i think the haters s/b looking in the mirror instead of trying to look total strangers in the eye.
Agreed. I've had nothing but great experiences with everyone I've met in the GTA.
And having read all the hate here (really it seems to be from just the same few people, not a general widespread impression) I went in expecting coldness. So I was amazed to find my experience was completely the opposite of what these haters say. Also, I live in the southern US (though not being from there, I sound essentially like a Canadian) arguably the friendliest place in North America, so I have a pretty high standard for friendly.
Location: Mexico and I hate it. I'm trying to move back to the US
186 posts, read 282,228 times
Reputation: 141
Quote:
Originally Posted by qwerbilzak
Agreed. I've had nothing but great experiences with everyone I've met in the GTA.
And having read all the hate here (really it seems to be from just the same few people, not a general widespread impression) I went in expecting coldness. So I was amazed to find my experience was completely the opposite of what these haters say. Also, I live in the southern US (though not being from there, I sound essentially like a Canadian) arguably the friendliest place in North America, so I have a pretty high standard for friendly.
Hate??? I hope you aren't talking about me. I don't believe (unless I can't remember) using the word "hate" which is a very strong word I rarely use when it comes to people.
You are from the South & sound like a Canadian? How can that be? LOL
Maybe that's why they treat you differently, b/c of your accent. Accents are very powerful. That's why voice talents make a ton of money, women swoon over men with certain accents, people trust people with British accents, etc.
Or could also be that you are very friendly & outgoing (another Southern trait) so you bring the friendliness out in them.
Not that I'm not a friendly person, I just don't exude it right off the bat 24/7, but I do light up when people are friendly around me & their energy is light & friendly. I just don't see that AT ALL in Toronto although I haven't been there for a few years now, but I don't see how things could change that drastically.
I was once beaten on a subway by a big woman (I won't discuss race for fear of being called a racist) & not ONE person reached out to help me or even stop the train. Without my glasses I had to get to the yellow strip myself. AND the car was full of people as it was rush hour.
And the copy didn't care & took down her phoney address.
For my own sanity I've had to change my mindset a little to to focus on the positive rather than the negative all around me. I'm not a "hater" and I believe there are many positives of being surrounded by people that are generally non-threatening, reserved, and polite, but I think that breeds a level of indifference that I have yet to see in any US city. Then again I think the extroverted, in-your-face attitude typical of Americans breeds its own extreme of people that are obnoxious and uncivil.
Still, I find it difficult on a personal level when I am not greeted by the cashier at a store even with a "hello" (constitutes the majority); when I'm walking on a trail near my home and happen to pass someone that deliberately avoids my gaze and says nothing; when I wave to neighbors who don't wave back; when I'm trying to merge lanes and the car in the adjacent lane speeds up to prevent me from doing so; etc. Sorry to tell you all but this IS different from living in an American city.
I do agree with some aspects of what sensualspirit is saying. I think that in a culture that values politeness rather than upfront confrontation it's natural for people to hold a lot of things in, and I've heard more than my share of unceasing bitching from coworkers talking about others but would never confront them on what they do wrong, which is clearly the more constructive option. I think that the wise-ass or snarky comments I was alluding to in my previous post fits into that - people don't want to call you an idiot straight up so they will just make it known through language designed to make you look bad.
Call me a "hater" if you like. I'm simply making observations based on my experiences.
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