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Old 05-16-2014, 01:04 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cgibsong002 View Post
Thanks for the concern.. but yes, most likely she will be transferring out here as well next year. So hopefully this will only be lasting a little while, but it's still a lot of money in flights over a year.

And I definitely understand about the fridays and sunday.. but I just don't say any way that's possible. With both of us working monday to friday we have to do flights on those days.

"transferring out here "


Military or not ?

 
Old 05-16-2014, 01:16 PM
 
Location: Colorado
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Quote:
Originally Posted by annerk View Post
And neither of us would ever be selfish enough to tell the other not to pursue the career that they enjoy in order to occupy the same space more often.
Of course you are entitled to your own opinion and should do as you see fit. And I can understand your position if you already had those travel-intensive lives and even met in that context, especially if you have no children. But personally, I'd be a store clerk or a nail slinger if it meant that I could spend more time with my family (or even just my wife before kids came along) and still provide for them at a basic level. It happens that in my case that wouldn't give me more time with them, it would give me less, so I stay put. But I've declined many travel opportunities and even career advancement because to me even being away for a few days at a time is something I avoid if I can. It's a little disturbing to me that people would think that sort of prioritization is 'selfish' on anyone's part. My wife and I do occasionally take our own mini-vacations as a short break, but that's different to me.
 
Old 05-16-2014, 01:20 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otterprods View Post
Of course you are entitled to your own opinion and should do as you see fit. And I can understand your position if you already had those travel-intensive lives and even met in that context, especially if you have no children. But personally, I'd be a store clerk or a nail slinger if it meant that I could spend more time with my family (or even just my wife before kids came along) and still provide for them at a basic level. It happens that in my case that wouldn't give me more time with them, it would give me less, so I stay put. But I've declined many travel opportunities and even career advancement because to me even being away for a few days at a time is something I avoid if I can. It's a little disturbing to me that people would think that sort of prioritization is 'selfish' on anyone's part. My wife and I do occasionally take our own mini-vacations as a short break, but that's different to me.
You obviously aren't in the military. I'm sure many who are would bristle at your comments.
 
Old 05-16-2014, 02:16 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by annerk View Post
You obviously aren't in the military. I'm sure many who are would bristle at your comments.

not really.

THAT is a big reason even career sailors hate sea duty.

( also a big reason why many sailors don't make the Navy a career )
 
Old 05-16-2014, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Colorado
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Quote:
Originally Posted by annerk View Post
You obviously aren't in the military. I'm sure many who are would bristle at your comments.
Probably, but in my experience military people often bristle over just about anything that smacks of civilians who can't understand their lives and don't appreciate their "sacrifices"… Right?

I'm not in the military, but I grew up in the family of a Naval officer. My Dad was at sea a lot when I was little and it was really hard on my Mom and us. About the time my younger sister came along, when I was 7, he started making decisions that would allow a lot more time with us and support a post military career. This did not sit well with some of his superiors and it limited his longevity in the Navy as well as his promotions. When he finally retired, I was there for his his speech. He did the typical thing where you say how much you appreciated your opportunities and the people, which was genuine, and then he proceeded to call out all the things he wouldn't miss about it. I'm sure quite a few guys "bristled" that day but I loved him and have always admired him for going against the grain and speaking his mind like that. After all, isn't that part of the 'Freedom' that military folks are supposed to be fighting for? He doesn't speak ill of the military to this day and I know he appreciates what people go through living that life, as do I. But he has never been hoo-rah about it. In fact, when I considered joining as a young man he urged me not to because he knew it would not be a good fit. So I guess that part of my Dad, the part where he put his family ahead of his own livelihood and a lot of career opportunities, has really rubbed off on me. I never saw it as selfish, I saw it as loving.

Last edited by otterprods; 05-16-2014 at 02:52 PM..
 
Old 05-16-2014, 02:46 PM
 
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I want to clarify that neither my husband nor I are in the military.

I will say that he has turned down several offers of promotion that wouldn't allow him to telecommute for a couple weeks a month. I will also say that we enjoy a good standard of living and are financially secure because of the choices we made. I'd rather sleep alone at night half the time and be able to not worry about retirement or losing our home than live with the constant stress that financial problems cause--and often break up a marriage.

Our lifestyle allows us the freedom to enjoy life to it's fullest. We travel to exotic locales, enjoy fine wines and dining, and don't worry about whether buying a new pair of shoes will make it tough to pay the bills.

I will say that when our son was younger we were fortunate to have jobs that allowed us to cohabitate full time, buy a second home, and take vacations several times a year. But as he became an adult, where my husband and I were located just didn't really matter much, and we would rather be apart half the month and earning the incomes we do than living together and worrying about retirement savings.

The OP and his girlfriend have no children. It is not going to kill them to be apart from each other for 4-8 weeks at a time. (When my husband and I first started to date, we were lucky to spend 2-12 hours a month in the same city--and that didn't always mean under the same roof.)

If they can't handle it, then perhaps they need to reevaluate their level of committment and emotional maturity to be in the relationship to begin with.
 
Old 05-16-2014, 02:50 PM
 
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....." can't handle it ".......

Maybe they think there is more to life than the almighty dollar !
 
Old 05-16-2014, 03:29 PM
 
Location: Colorado
2,483 posts, read 3,535,393 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by annerk View Post
I want to clarify that neither my husband nor I are in the military. I will say that he has turned down several offers of promotion that wouldn't allow him to telecommute for a couple weeks a month. I will also say that we enjoy a good standard of living and are financially secure because of the choices we made. I'd rather sleep alone at night half the time and be able to not worry about retirement or losing our home than live with the constant stress that financial problems cause--and often break up a marriage. Our lifestyle allows us the freedom to enjoy life to it's fullest. We travel to exotic locales, enjoy fine wines and dining, and don't worry about whether buying a new pair of shoes will make it tough to pay the bills. I will say that when our son was younger we were fortunate to have jobs that allowed us to cohabitate full time, buy a second home, and take vacations several times a year. But as he became an adult, where my husband and I were located just didn't really matter much, and we would rather be apart half the month and earning the incomes we do than living together and worrying about retirement savings.
Which was why I said...
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterprods View Post
Of course you are entitled to your own opinion and should do as you see fit.
The fact that your kids are grown and you've been together for many years paints a different scenario from what the OP is facing. If you have the money and the desire to travel to exotic places and fine dine then that's great. But I really don't see those things as necessary for true happiness. On the other hand, I believe that being there for the ones you love emotionally, spiritually and physically is absolutely necessary for long term happiness. That doesn't mean it can or should be 100% of your time but you need to find an amicable balance which it sounds like you've done. For the OP I don't really see that happening given their current plans, but I could easily be wrong.
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