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Old 07-25-2015, 05:31 AM
 
32,089 posts, read 32,986,776 times
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I don't have a problem with my immediate family/relatives staying over even though I have an extremely small apt. My brother & his 2 daughters just stayed for nearly a week and that probably was about the right amount of time. In general, I grew up with a mother who liked to host family and friends and part of the fun of visiting is staying over at people's homes but of course everything has to be within reason. In any case, I can't afford hotels except for when I have traveled for work. So I won't come if I can't stay with my friends/family. But I do understand not everyone wants to host others in their homes.
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Old 07-25-2015, 06:01 AM
 
8,644 posts, read 19,081,855 times
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What I don't understand is why some of you allow this to happen more than once.

I have family that could stay for weeks on end with no issue whatsoever and then I have family that I'd kill within minutes. Learn to say: "There's no room at the Inn!!" and offer them a list of hotels. It's not really that hard.
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Old 07-25-2015, 07:17 AM
 
Location: Northern Ireland and temporarily England
7,668 posts, read 4,142,226 times
Reputation: 1373
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh come on! View Post
well I have a distant cousin who I only met 16 years ago and haven't spoken with since.

Recently calls me out of the blue and is bringing her 2 kids to california for a little over 2 weeks.

Oh heeeell no. Who does she think she is imposing like that?

Funny, I told her I don't have room in my home for 3 extra people, and she said she could sleep in a tent in my yard.
I told her to get a hotel.

If you're going to go on vacation that long, make room in your budget for hotels. If you can't afford it, cut your vacation or delay it. Don't be cheap and disrupt other people's daily lives.
I hate people like that. Off on holiday soon and just before we go sister who never visits has asked us to buy her a $100 pair of shoes.

Not gonna happen. I aways look at it from the other shoe and think "would they do they same for me?". I'm not being mean either.

She would never buy us gifts on holiday. So like anyone else would do i'll not buy her.

Last edited by Sickandtiredofthis; 07-25-2015 at 08:35 AM..
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Old 07-25-2015, 07:29 AM
 
1,614 posts, read 1,218,174 times
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Dont have that problem anymore since the spare room door was removed. Last thing I want is freeloaders who want to get away at someone elses expense.I dont even consider imposing myself on my children and wait to be invited.
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Old 07-25-2015, 08:38 AM
PDD
 
Location: The Sand Hills of NC
8,774 posts, read 14,871,850 times
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So nobody has heard of the three day rule.

Both houseguests and fish start to stink after three days.

We only will stay for three and we ask the same for our guests.

When we stay we pay for all dinners and hopefully our guest do the same which they usually do.

This rule does not apply for kids or parents.
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Old 07-25-2015, 09:18 AM
 
396 posts, read 368,833 times
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The late, great Ann Landers said, "Nobody Can Take Advantage Of You Without Your Permission." So, it's up to you to set boundaries. The "three day rule" is a good one, if you are so inclined to have guests. Also, if they want to go out to eat and you want to go as well, let them know from the get go that your budget will not accommodate springing for everyone's meals. And if you're not up to having guests, tell them. If they show up at your door unannounced, tell them that you're very sorry but you cannot put them up at present and have a list of hotels at the ready. And say it with a smile. They'll get the hint and will be less likely to repeat those behaviors in the future. But if they do, rinse and repeat.
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Old 07-25-2015, 09:32 AM
 
62 posts, read 60,303 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sickandtiredofthis View Post
I hate people like that. Off on holiday soon and just before we go sister who never visits has asked us to buy her a $100 pair of shoes.

Not gonna happen. I aways look at it from the other shoe and think "would they do they same for me?". I'm not being mean either.

She would never buy us gifts on holiday. So like anyone else would do i'll not buy her.

Thats exactly the way I look at things too. I know my sister would never do a darn thing for me so I have no problem telling her no when it comes to the rare times she calls which is always to ask for something, never hear from her outside of that.

I would never tolerate someone imposing on my life like that. I really don't like ppl in my house for long b/c its a very small place and Im just the type of person that needs space and quiet time. I only have a very small 2 brm rancher so theres really no escaping if someone else is here with me. I have my 2nd bdrm as a gym so no extra beds, luckily I dont get asked too often but I would never allow anyone over for more than a night.

On the flip side I would never impose on my friends like that either unless they offered which ironically most do. Im just not comfortable staying at other ppl's houses and can't sleep so I'd rather bbe in a hotel if I had to just so I don't disturb anyone with my erratic sleep habits and early rises.
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Old 07-25-2015, 10:54 AM
 
14,188 posts, read 6,432,872 times
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I don't get it. Are these people just showing up unannounced or did they call ahead of time & ask if they could stay with you while visiting? I mean, isn't that an advantage of knowing people who live out of state, that you can stay with them instead of spending money on a hotel? All of my family lives in my state so I've never had that problem. If friends come to visit, it's usually only for a weekend & of course I invite them to stay with me. I haven't taken advantage lately of staying with friends out of state but the ones who do live out of state have frequently said that I could stay with them if I came to visit. I stayed with my ex when I visited Malaysia for 3 weeks. Well, he was the reason why I went there, otherwise I never would've thought of visiting that country. I'm not sure how this is considered offensive or out of the ordinary?
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Old 07-25-2015, 11:00 AM
 
Location: Warren, OH
2,748 posts, read 3,340,113 times
Reputation: 6473
I don't stay at relatives houses when I am in their area, and they don't stay at mine. I'm not comfortable in other peoples homes.

There's a nice Holiday Inn in my town.

It works our much better this way.

I've had self centered relatives who have practically demanded that I stay at their home. I always decline. They usually want to give me the "Grand Tour", show me a bunch of gadgets, generally show off their houses, and attempt to impress me.

No thanks. I'd rather just meet for dinner and stay on speaking terms.
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Old 07-25-2015, 12:08 PM
 
2,630 posts, read 1,936,489 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh come on! View Post
Of course you can create excuses to avoid accommodating them.

But I wonder if they ever feel bad that they have burdened you with their stay, and when you give a little, they take more. The pushy ones are particularly obnoxious.
Hello, why do you think hotels exist?

When they stay at your home, do they feel appreciative or obligated to compensate you for your troubles, or perhaps they want to repay the favor? Or do they treat it as a frat house...

Have you ever showed hospitality only to get none in return when YOU needed accommodations?

I just can't understand how people feel comfortable treating others as a doormat.
Bad upbringing, or lack of conscience?
Maybe a bit OT, but having a cottage, I was smart, right from the start, to never ever reveal to anybody, its address to anybody but those I specifically wanted there. Avoided the whole mess you described. As for your home? Only have one bed. No "guest room." Works for me.
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