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Old 07-25-2015, 12:35 PM
 
Location: Northern Ireland and temporarily England
7,668 posts, read 4,140,548 times
Reputation: 1373

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Quote:
Originally Posted by CCG2015 View Post
Thats exactly the way I look at things too. I know my sister would never do a darn thing for me so I have no problem telling her no when it comes to the rare times she calls which is always to ask for something, never hear from her outside of that.

I would never tolerate someone imposing on my life like that. I really don't like ppl in my house for long b/c its a very small place and Im just the type of person that needs space and quiet time. I only have a very small 2 brm rancher so theres really no escaping if someone else is here with me. I have my 2nd bdrm as a gym so no extra beds, luckily I dont get asked too often but I would never allow anyone over for more than a night.

On the flip side I would never impose on my friends like that either unless they offered which ironically most do. Im just not comfortable staying at other ppl's houses and can't sleep so I'd rather bbe in a hotel if I had to just so I don't disturb anyone with my erratic sleep habits and early rises.
Well I try and be nice but i'm not going to buy her something every single year. It's also apparent that she never bought us anything from her trip in September.

My father actually had to nag her for a birthday present.

If she had've bought us a present I would certainly have brought her one back but not $100 worth. She will put pressure on us all the time and eventually we do give in and feel guilty.

This will not happen this year though. Sorry, I probably sound incredibly selfish but she honestly never buys us anything so why should we?

I would also like to mention that we bought her a $70 pair of trainers last holiday.
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Old 07-25-2015, 12:50 PM
 
Location: Poshawa, Ontario
2,986 posts, read 3,321,288 times
Reputation: 5622
Quote:
Originally Posted by LarkBea View Post
The late, great Ann Landers said, "Nobody Can Take Advantage Of You Without Your Permission."
I came here to say exactly this. If you have relatives who make a habit of arriving uninvited or at the last minute and completely take advantage of your hospitality during their stay, you really have nobody to blame but yourself.
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Old 07-25-2015, 12:56 PM
 
Location: City of Angels
2,935 posts, read 4,766,981 times
Reputation: 2236
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sickandtiredofthis View Post
My house has six bedrooms, my parents probably won't care if I come and stay once I move out. Obviously within reason, not like six months.
similar situation for me. i get along with my parents. plus have my own wing of the house, so space isn't an issue. plus my situation is somewhat unusual in that i don't actually live anywhere. so it's not like i have a pressing need to go "back home" when i visit my family, i don't have a home. usually just wait around for a good gig to start up somewhere, and have plenty of hustles i can do while waiting for something to start up.
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Old 07-25-2015, 01:12 PM
 
Location: Central Texas
233 posts, read 190,603 times
Reputation: 594
Quote:
Originally Posted by warren zee View Post
I don't stay at relatives houses when I am in their area, and they don't stay at mine. I'm not comfortable in other peoples homes.

There's a nice Holiday Inn in my town.

It works our much better this way.

I've had self centered relatives who have practically demanded that I stay at their home. I always decline. They usually want to give me the "Grand Tour", show me a bunch of gadgets, generally show off their houses, and attempt to impress me.

No thanks. I'd rather just meet for dinner and stay on speaking terms.
I am exactly the same Warren Zee. In my honeymoon years with my husband we would occasionally go stay at MIL's house. It was hell. I told him about 7 years ago that if we go visit we are staying in a hotel. I cannot stay in someone else's house because I am just very uncomfortable and feel like I'm walking on eggshells. Same with my own parents...love 'em but can't stay overnight at their house and I think they actually prefer that I don't stay at their house overnight. MIL does NOT like that I want to stay in a hotel but she has learned to deal with it if she wants us to visit. She also told me she will not stay in a hotel when she comes to visit because she's "terrified of beg bugs" from hotels. We can only handle her for one night at our house because she likes to get drunk and say weird things in front of the kids LOL. My sister in law I could handle maybe two nights because she is actually pretty cool but MIL always comes with her so it's only one night :-). I feel bad not hosting for longer but I literally cannot sleep when they are here. It is that bad. I haven't stayed overnight at a relative's house in years and I never want to again.
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Old 07-25-2015, 01:15 PM
 
Location: Northern Ireland and temporarily England
7,668 posts, read 4,140,548 times
Reputation: 1373
Quote:
Originally Posted by foadi View Post
similar situation for me. i get along with my parents. plus have my own wing of the house, so space isn't an issue. plus my situation is somewhat unusual in that i don't actually live anywhere. so it's not like i have a pressing need to go "back home" when i visit my family, i don't have a home. usually just wait around for a good gig to start up somewhere, and have plenty of hustles i can do while waiting for something to start up.
Plus there will be no one left next year, just them two in a 3,500 sq foot house. My mum was moaning saying she won't know what to do!

I think they will be thankful to have us stay.
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Old 07-25-2015, 01:19 PM
 
Location: Northern Ireland and temporarily England
7,668 posts, read 4,140,548 times
Reputation: 1373
Quote:
Originally Posted by missladytexas View Post
I am exactly the same Warren Zee. In my honeymoon years with my husband we would occasionally go stay at MIL's house. It was hell. I told him about 7 years ago that if we go visit we are staying in a hotel. I cannot stay in someone else's house because I am just very uncomfortable and feel like I'm walking on eggshells. Same with my own parents...love 'em but can't stay overnight at their house and I think they actually prefer that I don't stay at their house overnight. MIL does NOT like that I want to stay in a hotel but she has learned to deal with it if she wants us to visit. She also told me she will not stay in a hotel when she comes to visit because she's "terrified of beg bugs" from hotels. We can only handle her for one night at our house because she likes to get drunk and say weird things in front of the kids LOL. My sister in law I could handle maybe two nights because she is actually pretty cool but MIL always comes with her so it's only one night :-). I feel bad not hosting for longer but I literally cannot sleep when they are here. It is that bad. I haven't stayed overnight at a relative's house in years and I never want to again.
I am the same, we always stay in a hotel. I hate cooking in front of other people, I also feel like I can't let my hair down and relax. Some people have passed comments about it in the past.

I don't understand why, if someone stayed in a hotel rather than my house i'd be over the moon.
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Old 07-25-2015, 01:57 PM
 
26,590 posts, read 54,595,142 times
Reputation: 13019
We haven't really had the problem in a very long time.

We have a guest room with private bath. We have a few friends who will come for 3-4 days every year. We enjoy having them. They rent a car and entertain themselves during the day while we work. We don't stay with family as none of them really have the room. We have a couple of friends with large homes and guest rooms with private bath that we will stay with when invited once a year or so. One exception is an old friend who I stay with for a few days every few months. I entertain myself while he is at work and we hang out in the evenings. If he's got something he needs to do, I find something to do with another friend of on my own. I always bring him a few nice bottles of wine from my cellar as a gift.

About 20 years ago we were living in a 650 s/f apartment and had a friend come to stay for what was supposed to be a week or two. A month later and she was still sleeping on our sofa and had found a job. We had a friend looking to sublet his place and suggested that it would be a good opportunity for her and she took the hint.
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Old 07-26-2015, 06:21 AM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ > Raleigh, NC
15,071 posts, read 19,013,423 times
Reputation: 24177
Quote:
Originally Posted by thefragile View Post
I stayed with my ex when I visited Malaysia for 3 weeks. Well, he was the reason why I went there, otherwise I never would've thought of visiting that country. I'm not sure how this is considered offensive or out of the ordinary?
yeah, I think most people would think it's out of the ordinary to stay with your ex for three weeks.
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Old 07-26-2015, 08:20 AM
 
8,644 posts, read 19,076,379 times
Reputation: 11495
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sickandtiredofthis View Post
Well I try and be nice but i'm not going to buy her something every single year. It's also apparent that she never bought us anything from her trip in September.

My father actually had to nag her for a birthday present.

If she had've bought us a present I would certainly have brought her one back but not $100 worth. She will put pressure on us all the time and eventually we do give in and feel guilty.

This will not happen this year though. Sorry, I probably sound incredibly selfish but she honestly never buys us anything so why should we?



I would also like to mention that we bought her a $70 pair of trainers last holiday.

I'm really not being snarky, but you come off as being childish, not selfish.

You're a grown adult and you keep track of gifts? Your dad begged for a birthday gift? Really?? Only children or immature adults act like this. You really find it annoying when a houseguest doesn't bring you a gift? Do pout and mope about when they don't bring one?

Do yourself a favor, stop giving in and stop keeping track. This Tit for Tat bull-crap is ridiculous.
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Old 07-26-2015, 06:45 PM
 
14,188 posts, read 6,430,715 times
Reputation: 14640
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jkgourmet View Post
yeah, I think most people would think it's out of the ordinary to stay with your ex for three weeks.
Well I'm sorry to tell you that no one thought it odd. What's odd is a stranger on a forum feeling the need to comment on that & nothing else from a post. It was a vacation. We're friends. What's the problem?
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