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Of course you can create excuses to avoid accommodating them.
But I wonder if they ever feel bad that they have burdened you with their stay, and when you give a little, they take more. The pushy ones are particularly obnoxious.
Hello, why do you think hotels exist?
When they stay at your home, do they feel appreciative or obligated to compensate you for your troubles, or perhaps they want to repay the favor? Or do they treat it as a frat house...
Have you ever showed hospitality only to get none in return when YOU needed accommodations?
I just can't understand how people feel comfortable treating others as a doormat.
Bad upbringing, or lack of conscience?
i'm really bad when it comes to this. My parents will often invite me to visit them for the holidays and I will usually WAY overstay my welcome. around five years ago i ended up staying for almost three months. this last year i stayed for six weeks. they never say anything, but i can tell they get annoyed after i am there for more than a couple weeks.
No one we know ever stays more than a weekend unless prior arrangements have been made and a few times they were in our home and we were gone because we had prior commitments to be traveling.
Never an issue with us and ours but we tend to be very laid back, low key and not obnoxious.
I never stay at relatives unless invited but even then I often have reason to stay at motel and explain the reason. After all we are family and can talk about it. Mostly its the burden placed on them.
i'm really bad when it comes to this. My parents will often invite me to visit them for the holidays and I will usually WAY overstay my welcome. around five years ago i ended up staying for almost three months. this last year i stayed for six weeks. they never say anything, but i can tell they get annoyed after i am there for more than a couple weeks.
Six weeks? There's no way I could spend that much time at my parents' houses. Four days is my limit. That's longer than Ben Franklin suggests with his "visitors and fish stink after three days" quote.
I have a longtime friend (and former roommate) who now lives about 800 miles away in Washington State. She doesn't have money for a hotel and so her idea of a vacation is to come and stay at our house for several days. When her daughter was young, she'd bring her, too.
The problem is that our house is very small, only 1100 feet and all on one level. We have only two bedrooms (one is used by my husband as a den and office and has no bed in it) and one bathroom. It's snug even for two people, but with three or four there's no privacy whatsoever.
My friend doesn't mind sleeping on the floor or on an air mattress, but the other problem is that she is highly strung, has neurotic mannerisms like laughing after almost every sentence, and she chatters incessantly. She is constantly on the go and wants me to accompany her to places that I have no interest in, keeps different hours than my husband and I do, and has weird eating habits.
Before her last visit she announced that she only eats fruit before noon and that she can't have any wheat, eggs, sugar or dairy. Imagine trying to cook meals for someone like that! It was a nightmare, she stayed five days (after saying she'd only be here for two or three days) and I could hardly wait until she left. There's a lot more, but I'll spare you the details.
The following year she called me and inquired brightly, "Do you have any plans for this summer? I'm thinking of coming to San Francisco!" That is translated as, "When can I come stay with you again?" I took a deep breath and decided to be honest with her. I told her as gently and tactfully as I could that I'm sorry, we can't do house guests any more. That's what you have to do unless you want to be someone's doormat. Then I heaved a huge sigh of relief.
Location: Northern Ireland and temporarily England
7,668 posts, read 5,260,330 times
Reputation: 1392
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh come on!
Of course you can create excuses to avoid accommodating them.
But I wonder if they ever feel bad that they have burdened you with their stay, and when you give a little, they take more. The pushy ones are particularly obnoxious.
Hello, why do you think hotels exist?
When they stay at your home, do they feel appreciative or obligated to compensate you for your troubles, or perhaps they want to repay the favor? Or do they treat it as a frat house...
Have you ever showed hospitality only to get none in return when YOU needed accommodations?
I just can't understand how people feel comfortable treating others as a doormat.
Bad upbringing, or lack of conscience?
I have Canadian relatives who come here and wine and dine in our house. We give them a big ensuite and drive them everywhere.
When we go out to their country we are put in a basement with water beds and we have to buy our own food.
I don't think they appreciate what we give them and now they stay in my aunts house (who is less soft and makes them buy food).
I personally don't like people who come to my house and don't bring anything with them. E.g a gift.
Location: Northern Ireland and temporarily England
7,668 posts, read 5,260,330 times
Reputation: 1392
Quote:
Originally Posted by foadi
i'm really bad when it comes to this. My parents will often invite me to visit them for the holidays and I will usually WAY overstay my welcome. around five years ago i ended up staying for almost three months. this last year i stayed for six weeks. they never say anything, but i can tell they get annoyed after i am there for more than a couple weeks.
My house has six bedrooms, my parents probably won't care if I come and stay once I move out. Obviously within reason, not like six months.
Location: Northern Ireland and temporarily England
7,668 posts, read 5,260,330 times
Reputation: 1392
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bayarea4
I have a longtime friend (and former roommate) who now lives about 800 miles away in Washington State. She doesn't have money for a hotel and so her idea of a vacation is to come and stay at our house for several days. When her daughter was young, she'd bring her, too.
The problem is that our house is very small, only 1100 feet and all on one level. We have only two bedrooms (one is used by my husband as a den and office and has no bed in it) and one bathroom. It's snug even for two people, but with three or four there's no privacy whatsoever.
My friend doesn't mind sleeping on the floor or on an air mattress, but the other problem is that she is highly strung, has neurotic mannerisms like laughing after almost every sentence, and she chatters incessantly. She is constantly on the go and wants me to accompany her to places that I have no interest in, keeps different hours than my husband and I do, and has weird eating habits.
Before her last visit she announced that she only eats fruit before noon and that she can't have any wheat, eggs, sugar or dairy. Imagine trying to cook meals for someone like that! It was a nightmare, she stayed five days (after saying she'd only be here for two or three days) and I could hardly wait until she left. There's a lot more, but I'll spare you the details.
The following year she called me and inquired brightly, "Do you have any plans for this summer? I'm thinking of coming to San Francisco!" That is translated as, "When can I come stay with you again?" I took a deep breath and decided to be honest with her. I told her as gently and tactfully as I could that I'm sorry, we can't do house guests any more. That's what you have to do unless you want to be someone's doormat. Then I heaved a huge sigh of relief.
I would hate to think someone couldn't wait to get rid of me. I never stay in people's houses as I can afford a good hotel, I am uncomfortable doing that anyway.
well I have a distant cousin who I only met 16 years ago and haven't spoken with since.
Recently calls me out of the blue and is bringing her 2 kids to california for a little over 2 weeks.
Oh heeeell no. Who does she think she is imposing like that?
Funny, I told her I don't have room in my home for 3 extra people, and she said she could sleep in a tent in my yard.
I told her to get a hotel.
If you're going to go on vacation that long, make room in your budget for hotels. If you can't afford it, cut your vacation or delay it. Don't be cheap and disrupt other people's daily lives.
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