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Old 08-07-2015, 08:53 AM
 
468 posts, read 520,748 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by prospectheightsresident View Post
Does your son have a credit card? Its one thing that the hotel is telling you this, but I can't help but think of it the hotel doesn't follow through. Or, if your son gives them a hard time in leaving, and the hotel has to forcibly evict him, would they charge your card for any fees associated with having the sheriff (or whoever) come to evict?

Son does not have a credit card any more. He was kicked out of the Army for drug use and is over $30,000 in debt. He has a minimum wage job.
Not sure what would really happen if he refuses to leave the hotel, but I guess we'll cross that bridge if/when we come to it.

 
Old 08-07-2015, 09:28 AM
 
Location: City of Angels
2,935 posts, read 4,763,635 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mollybygolly View Post
This is exactly what we plan to do. We are done enabling him. He's 25 years old. Not our problem that he keeps making really poor life/financial decisions.
I spent 2 weeks in a homeless shelter once. Was an awful experience. At the very least it will possibly whip him into shape.
 
Old 08-07-2015, 10:17 AM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ > Raleigh, NC
15,059 posts, read 18,985,577 times
Reputation: 24133
Quote:
Originally Posted by foadi View Post
If he tries to come back, I would recommend they give him the address to the local homeless shelter.
Actually, I was wondering why they weren't doing that now.

edited to add: now that I've read drugs are involved, I REALLY don't understand why you're footing a motel room at all.
 
Old 08-07-2015, 10:38 AM
 
Location: Middle of the Pacific Ocean
11,659 posts, read 6,266,537 times
Reputation: 11475
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jkgourmet View Post
Actually, I was wondering why they weren't doing that now.

edited to add: now that I've read drugs are involved, I REALLY don't understand why you're footing a motel room at all.
Agreed. OP: are there any substance abuse homes/drug rehab centers in the area that your son is interested in going to? I fear that just sending your son to a hotel without seeking treatment (though, as you seem like a concerned parent, it wouldn't shock me if you already tried going down this road), he'll end up back at your doorstep soon enough.
 
Old 08-07-2015, 01:26 PM
 
6,387 posts, read 5,424,239 times
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I am very sorry you are going through this, but you know you will be on the hook if you put down your card when he checks in and he damages the room, right?
 
Old 08-07-2015, 02:04 PM
 
38,085 posts, read 14,878,695 times
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The next time (and there will be a next time, you can bet on it), I would suggest a cab ride to the homeless shelter.

There are often good-hearted people working at homeless shelters and soup kitchens. Someone will show him the ropes.

If this is the life he wants, its best to just step back and let him go for it.

If you want to give him a little going away gift, I would suggest a good backpack, decent shoes, several pairs of socks, a bus pass so he can get to work... anything that will help him readjust to his new life.

Bon Voyage.
 
Old 08-07-2015, 02:18 PM
 
38,085 posts, read 14,878,695 times
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How many days did you pay for?
 
Old 08-07-2015, 07:13 PM
 
468 posts, read 520,748 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GotHereQuickAsICould View Post
How many days did you pay for?
9 days. 08/06 thru 08/15.
I don't want to clutter up the travel board with what is obviously a parenting/mental health issue, so I'll try to post an update on a more appropriate board sometime in the near future.
I initially posted about the situation on the personal finance boards back in March, and posted an update on the parenting boards about a week ago.
Unfortunately, I don't know how to do the link posting thing to those previous posts.
Anyway, thanks for all the replies and advice. We are really struggling with the whole situation
 
Old 08-08-2015, 06:27 AM
 
38,085 posts, read 14,878,695 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mollybygolly View Post
9 days. 08/06 thru 08/15.
I don't want to clutter up the travel board with what is obviously a parenting/mental health issue, so I'll try to post an update on a more appropriate board sometime in the near future....
Anyway, thanks for all the replies and advice. We are really struggling with the whole situation

One of the hardest things in the world is stepping back when you see your children about to get hurt. Every instinct in our bones tells us to run out there and grab them from harms way.

But how do you pull them back from the harm they are causing themselves?

The only way I've ever seen work is to keep loving them, no conditions on that, but stop helping them.

If they are bound and determined to be self-destructive, there is no reason on earth you should aid them in their endeavor.

He's got a minimum wage job and nine days to come up with a living situation. Tons of minimum wage earners solve this problem. I'm betting he will too.
 
Old 08-08-2015, 06:41 AM
 
38,085 posts, read 14,878,695 times
Reputation: 24522
It is so difficult to maintain a close relationship with someone when money's involved. There is an expectation on the part of the person providing the funds/housing/food that the person receiving these items behave in accordance with certain standards.

For example, many homeowners believe that if you live in the home they are paying the mortgage, utilities, and taxes on then you need to help out with chores, not break the law while on the premises, not set fire to the place, etc.

Children are cut some slack in the early years, but once they are of age, they need to either step up or move out.

By the way, I think your solution of the hotel is perfect. It gets him out of the house and stops all that friction and resentment and gives him nine days to come up with plan for his future.

Fingers crossed.
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