When a friend buys a home in a resort town, should you always inform them if you plan to be in town? (hotel, hotel)
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Just curious what other people do in this situation. Some background....DH and I loved to vacation in a particular area known for its beautiful resorts. Sometimes just for a weekend. Some close friends purchased a home in said town. Not in the location where we prefer to stay. Friends have insisted that if we ever come to town, that we stay in their home. We have done this and it has been lovely, but not the same. It has resulted in us choosing other towns to vacation in. So my question...if we do go back to one of our preferred resorts, do we tell them we’re in town but don’t have time to visit? If it’s a quick weekend getaway and we don’t tell them, we risk the awkwardness of running into them. What is the appropriate way to handle this?
It may potentially put a rift in the friendship if you visit the town without letting them know, and later they find out from some other source.
So depends on how honest and frank the friendship is.
If it’s more of an informal and frank friendship then I would call them and after hello hi tell them straight up that you are visiting the town but won’t be able visit or stay with them for whatever reason (got a great package deal that included the hotel, etc) and hopefully we will meet you guys in the next trip.
Personally, I wouldn’t wanna lose an informal and frank friendship. So honesty is always the best policy with honest people.
If it’s more like a formal/show off kinda shallow friendship then I wouldn’t worry too much about telling them my plans - if we happen to stumble upon them in town then I will tell them “it was a sudden plan that we made yesterday, and we truly didn’t want to bother you guys on such a short notice.”
And I will tell them the same if they find out about our trip from an other source.
Can you just tell them, "your home is lovely but we really enjoy having our own space"? My parents used to live in Myrtle Beach and DH and I always got a hotel- we spent most of the time with my parents but liked heading over to our hotel in the afternoon- sometimes for a little "afternoon delight", sometimes just for a nap. I wouldn't be surprised if my parents appreciated having their home to themselves for a few hours a day. No hard feelings on either side. Your friends might feel the same way. In fact, they might find it refreshing that you want to get together with them but don't need free accommodations.
Do you enjoy their company and want to spend some time with them whenever you're in town, just not stay at their home? Then tell them when you are coming but explain that you do not want to impose and that you INSIST upon staying in a hotel but you would love to get together for dinner or to hang out or whatever. I would think that they would appreciate that on some level, because most people who move to resort towns have to deal with people coming to town and piling in on them and expecting a free vacation on them, not the opposite. You might even put it in that context, explain that while you know that many people would do that, you aren't like that and you just couldn't live with yourself if you felt like you were taking advantage of them.
If you don't want to stay with them or spend time with them, then you may have to find a new place to go or just stay in a lot while you are in that town. I think it would at least partially ruin your vacation always having to peek over your shoulder in public places to make sure that they aren't around and then having to worry about what you will say if they are. Sounds very stressful.
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Honesty is the best policy, and works well with close friends.
not tough at all,
"Hey we are planning to vist your area on 'x' date. Let's plan to meet up if you are available. We really like your home, and spending time with you. We have booked "Z", as we have really wanted to stay there and try the place out. We are so appreciative of your previous hospitality, and will let you know how we enjoy "Z" in case you ever need to refer someone."
This leaves the opportunity for future stays at friends (if needed / desired).
no offense. (We have (3) homes in resort / retreat areas, so this happens, and would be fine for friends and relationships.)
Can you just tell them, "your home is lovely but we really enjoy having our own space"?
This works for me.
We've had friends visit quite a bit ever since we moved to Williamsburg. Some stay with us, most prefer to stay in their own place, some just want to get together for coffee, and others don't want to get together at all. With that last group, it usually isn't anything personal--some people just want to have a vacation where they can spend all their time away from the people they usually see.
Whatever people want to do is just fine with us, although if they want to stay at our house we usually ask them to limit it to a day or two.
I appreciate all the perspectives on this. I agree honesty is the best policy and generally that’s the way I lean, but sometimes, on a quick trip, there isn’t always time to squeeze in the visit. Some people would be easy to explain that to, but others, ie these people, get really insistent. I have had the shoe on the other foot, as we, too, live in a town frequented by tourists. We have people wanting to stay with us, some have wanted to visit with us and stay in a hotel, then we have others who have come to town and not even mentioned their trip to us. The latter stings a little if I’m being honest, but I kind of get it too.
If you don't want to stay with them or spend time with them, then you may have to find a new place to go or just stay in a lot while you are in that town.
Just curious what other people do in this situation. Some background....DH and I loved to vacation in a particular area known for its beautiful resorts. Sometimes just for a weekend. Some close friends purchased a home in said town. Not in the location where we prefer to stay. Friends have insisted that if we ever come to town, that we stay in their home. We have done this and it has been lovely, but not the same. It has resulted in us choosing other towns to vacation in. So my question...if we do go back to one of our preferred resorts, do we tell them we’re in town but don’t have time to visit? If it’s a quick weekend getaway and we don’t tell them, we risk the awkwardness of running into them. What is the appropriate way to handle this?
If you run into them just tell them you didn't call because you weren't planning on staying to visit and this getaway was planned for two.
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