U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Travel
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 06-02-2010, 09:47 AM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,236 posts, read 41,413,522 times
Reputation: 10958

Advertisements

This is the problem I'm having.

I'm traveling up north to try to reconnect with people I haven't seen or really spoken to in 25 years or so. And the mantra I'm getting back is "tell us when you're going to be in our area". There will be, unfortunately, some driving involved, but place to place...no more than an hour.

I realize that while I am on vacation, many of the people I am visiting are at work...and so would like to know when I will be around so we can possibly meet up. They will all have my phone number--I'm not sure that I will have theirs (though I could check profile info to see if theirs is posted, as mine is).

The fact of the matter is--in most cases I don't know.

For example--my original plan was to drive straight from Milwaukee to Wausau via Madison--about a three hour trip. Then I find out that one of my cousins lives near Madison--and I offered to pop in for a bit on the way. I ended up invited to dinner. Now--what time would I be getting into Wausau now? I simply can't say. It would seem rude to eat and run--and I don't even know when "dinner" begins. In other words, when I make my stops in the various cities that they have moved to, I don't know whether I'd be there for five minutes, or twenty minutes, or two hours! It all depends on how well we get along, and how long we can talk with each other before we run out of things to say. I wasn't especially close to ANY of these people, but I didn't have any problems--at least not that I was aware of. And I don't want to wear out my welcome, I want to leave before they get sick of me, but still. I can't perfectly schedule my time.

In fact, I mentioned this whole thing to someone else, and she said, you can't go on vacation and have everything rigidly scheduled--to which my first thought was "Why not?" But I do see her point. I have never had any sort of real vacation before this.

What is the best way to explain to these people without seeming rude about it?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-02-2010, 10:02 AM
 
Location: MMU->ABE->ATL->ASH
9,130 posts, read 17,164,373 times
Reputation: 9982
If you are going to Dinner, thats your 5pm to end of night plan. From when you arrive to when you have to go, If you are driving back to your hotel, how long is is going to take to get there? Are you eating out or at there place? If you are eating out plan to be with them for about 2-3hrs. At there place, What time to you need to go? Do they have kids that need to get to bed, But either way I would be gone by 9pm, unless they are keeping you there, but start 'leaving' at 9, and be gone by 10p. If you are doing a 'lunch' durring the work day figure 2 hrs. If you are stopping by on a weekend just to say HI, (and they know you are comming), fugure about 1hr.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2010, 10:17 AM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,236 posts, read 41,413,522 times
Reputation: 10958
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyonpa View Post
If you are going to Dinner, thats your 5pm to end of night plan. From when you arrive to when you have to go, If you are driving back to your hotel, how long is is going to take to get there? Are you eating out or at there place? If you are eating out plan to be with them for about 2-3hrs. At there place, What time to you need to go? Do they have kids that need to get to bed, But either way I would be gone by 9pm, unless they are keeping you there, but start 'leaving' at 9, and be gone by 10p. If you are doing a 'lunch' durring the work day figure 2 hrs. If you are stopping by on a weekend just to say HI, (and they know you are comming), fugure about 1hr.
Well, my hotel is in Wausau--I figured on spending Saturday night there, at a minimum. But while doing the workup for this trip, I got a tip for my other uncle (who is NOT on Facebook) and he invited me to spend a few nights at his place. I haven't answered yet--I haven't decided--even to go so far as to thank him for the offer. I haven't seen any of these people for 30 years, my mother broke off contact with both sides of the family when I was about 10.

I will probably take him up on the offer--but I wouldn't feel right about meeting up with him at some unknown time on Saturday night.

The most sticky part of it is the Illinois leg, since most of it will be on weekdays. Probably won't be able to see anyone until 4 or 5 p.m. I think ALL of them have kids--but I don't know for sure that I would be meeting with them at their homes--the only response that has said more than "Sounds great, we'll get together" has been a specific date, time, and place for lunch by one fellow. Most everyone else has said, "let us know".
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2010, 12:05 PM
 
28,266 posts, read 39,934,162 times
Reputation: 36791
Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar View Post
Well, my hotel is in Wausau--I figured on spending Saturday night there, at a minimum. But while doing the workup for this trip, I got a tip for my other uncle (who is NOT on Facebook) and he invited me to spend a few nights at his place. I haven't answered yet--I haven't decided--even to go so far as to thank him for the offer. Even if you don't take him up on it, thank him. Don't be rude. I haven't seen any of these people for 30 years, my mother broke off contact with both sides of the family when I was about 10.

I will probably take him up on the offer--but I wouldn't feel right about meeting up with him at some unknown time on Saturday night. Well if it was us you were meeting with and you were traveling all over meeting a bunch of other people too all we'd need to know is the day and approximate time - as in morning afternoon or evening - and you get there when you can within that time frame. Call us if you're off schedule. Of course, not everyone is as laid back as we are.

The most sticky part of it is the Illinois leg, since most of it will be on weekdays. Probably won't be able to see anyone until 4 or 5 p.m. I think ALL of them have kids--but I don't know for sure that I would be meeting with them at their homes--the only response that has said more than "Sounds great, we'll get together" has been a specific date, time, and place for lunch by one fellow. Most everyone else has said, "let us know". Well let them know. Let them know how many people you are trying see in a short time span and that it will be difficult to give them a specific time. Ask if you can set a range of time, or even days, and let them tell you if it's acceptable. For those that it's okay with, see them. For the rest do the best you can and skip them if it doesn't work out.
And don't stress over it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2010, 12:41 PM
 
Location: Bel Air, California
21,344 posts, read 21,922,845 times
Reputation: 33566
I try not to keep an agenda while on vacation and also enjoy looking up old friends when I get into their towns if for no other reason than to save on hotels and restaurants. I find that the best time to "catch" them at home is between midnight and 5 am. Once they realize that there really is no fire, they are more than happy to knock back a few cold ones and talk about the good ol' days.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2010, 01:02 PM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,236 posts, read 41,413,522 times
Reputation: 10958
I definitely couldn't do that! Just because I'm a night owl doesn't mean everyone appreciates being woken in the middle of the night.

You know, the more I think about the circumstances of it, I might only visit those few people who gave me explicit contact info, or made a suggestion as to when and where to meet.

Anytime after 9 p.m., I would feel badly about knocking on my uncle's door. Even though the cousin I'm visiting could call her dad and explain, and let him know that I had just left her house, it wouldn't feel right to me to pop in any time after 9 p.m. The first night of it is a hotel for sure.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2010, 03:41 PM
 
Location: MMU->ABE->ATL->ASH
9,130 posts, read 17,164,373 times
Reputation: 9982
If you have not talk'ed to your uncle on a regular basic i would not stay there. As for scheduling you need to personal talk or Email them one on one. Not some facebook interaction, As for the meeting, since your are doing the traveling you need to tell them "I will be in (insert name of town here) at (insert time/range)" would you like to meet for (lunch or dinner)" If they are working, let them suggest a place to eat near there work. Dinner can be either Out or at there place. Plan on out unless they invite you to dinner. And expect to pick up the check.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2010, 04:20 PM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,236 posts, read 41,413,522 times
Reputation: 10958
^I'd be more inclined to say, "Sit and have a beer with me."--except that I don't drink myself. There's something that makes "face time" better than email. I'm sorry, but that's the way I really feel. Not planning on eating dinner with most of my friends from school. I have four days, and more than four people to see--so two dinners in the same day is over the top. One person suggested coffee, okay, I don't drink coffee, but that's more of what I'm thinking. I could chat with them in a Home Depot parking lot, for all it matters, just as long as there's time to sit and talk a bit. The time could be 5 or 10 minutes, it could be two hours. Depends on how each meeting goes. All but one of these people are men, by the way--so there aren't any mixed signals going on. Depends on what sort of work they do also. Not everyone works a regular 9 to 5 job. One guy's a writer--and he could probably take an hour or two at any point, he's not locked down to a desk or building. If anyone works retail (I don't know if they do or not), they may have a weekday or two off.

Edit: Actually, for the family part of it, I think it's good for me to contact them all at the same time, so that they themselves can coordinate things, and all hear the same thing from me. I mean, I am keeping the two sides of the family separate, but other than that, it is good for them all to have the same idea of what's going on.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2010, 04:46 PM
 
Location: Portlandia "burbs"
10,234 posts, read 13,996,915 times
Reputation: 25884
Well, "catching" me at home with no prior advance notice does NOT work for me.

Several years ago my brother decided to hop into his car with a few belongings and drive from Central California on up to Eureka, one other stop, and on to Central Oregon to make surprise visits to some friends of his. But they're all retired like him, and he got lucky enough to see them all.

I did not know he was doing this. He called me the day before the big waterfront blues festival here, to ask if he could come up to Portland to visit. The spare bedroom was cluttered with all the daily festival stuff. And I don't think he would have liked leaving the house at 8:00 to being out until midnight for four days straight. So I flat out told him it wouldn't work, and while he appeared to understand, I think it gave him hard feelings. The month of July is a lousy time to come see us, anyway, but I particularly will not compromise the blues festival unless there is a death in the family.

He's never made an attempt to see us since, but I think he was pretty knuckleheaded to try such a thing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-04-2010, 06:58 AM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,236 posts, read 41,413,522 times
Reputation: 10958
I've made a decision regarding this. If I don't have a phone number before I leave, I'm just not going to visit the people unless they go ahead and call ME to set something up. First come, first served. All my Illinois trips are pretty much within 30 minutes of one another...so it wouldn't take too long to get from one place to the next.

I won't have access to a computer or Internet during my trip, so if they ask why I didn't stop by, I'll tell them why. "You had every opportunity to get in touch with me--and I had no way of getting in touch with you." I'll deal, I'm sure.

I've had one person so far set up something very specific. Well, two if you count the one cousin. Other than that, I'll be playing a lot of it by ear.

One side of the family will be out of town attending a wedding the second week I am there, so I will visit the other side on that weekend.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Travel
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top