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Old 09-27-2011, 01:07 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,677 posts, read 23,246,850 times
Reputation: 48862

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My experience was the same in NYS, in terms of my name. I was given the same option each time.

When I compiled the list of suggestions, I included everything that has worked for me, information from a class I took, and information garnered from a retired Emergency Service Worker. Off the record advice that seemed to be similar to what I did - the ONE TIME they responded appropriately.

The first time, they did not respond. I would have thought that with what I saw, a toddler being put out of his house because he wet the bed. ( found this out from the foster mother when I rang her door bell - she told me as though it was the most normal thing in the world!) This was in November in upstate NY! (while visiting my sister in college) I was in my early 20s.

The agency stood by the foster family. In hindsight, I should have just called police. My sister and her house mates were nervous that they would know that it was the "college student house".

Virgode, I agree that a court appearance is nothing, compared to what might happen. If giving my name helps one bit, I am willing to do that.

The case with that little boy haunts me to this day.
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Old 09-27-2011, 01:21 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,085 posts, read 23,894,650 times
Reputation: 17987
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
.

The agency stood by the foster family. In hindsight, I should have just called police. My sister and her house mates were nervous that they would know that it was the "college student house".
I can understand their concern.

I've called the police for domestic situations of neighbors.

When the call is placed, I tell the dispatcher straight up, ask the police not to come to my door, if you don't tell them, plan on the knock on the door.
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Old 09-27-2011, 01:33 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,085 posts, read 23,894,650 times
Reputation: 17987
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil306 View Post
MOREOVER, YOUR form of discipline and what is ILLEGAL, quite often are two totally different things. This is a general statement, however, because YOU think hitting a child with a belt is "wrong," it doesn't mean it is illegal and/or wrong. That is your personal opinion and you are entitled to it. However, quite often what YOU feel rises to the level of CPS/Law Enforcement intervention, just doesn't meet the criteria.
If the child has visible marks from the discipline, criteria is met.

Theres so many reasons other than physical discipline for DCPS to intervene.

You, as a person familiar with Law Enforcement know this.

Last edited by virgode; 09-27-2011 at 01:50 PM..
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Old 09-27-2011, 01:54 PM
 
1,677 posts, read 2,058,524 times
Reputation: 5496
There was a couple times I remember seeing something that just didn't sit well with me, and not being aware there was anything I could do about it. I remember quite a long time ago, I worked as a cashier at a department store and a very young pregnant girl who looked to be no older than 12-13 came in with a man who was old enough, and I assumed to be, her father. They were buying baby things for the new baby, and I remember the man bragging proudly that it was a boy, rubbing her stomach in an intimate way, and pretty much acting like the proud papa, and the girl didn't say a word. She didn't look happy to be shopping her new baby, she looked very flat and blank, just stood there staring. I never forgot that.

Another time, at the mall, there was a man with a severely disabled young woman, probably about in her late teens or early twenties. She looked to be near catatonic. He had her on the merry go round, which 2 of my nieces were also on. He was standing next to the young woman holding her up, but he kept eyeing my nieces, staring them down, so I started staring HIM down. When the merry go round stopped, he broke his neck to run all the way to the other side to try to help lift my niece down from the horse, even though she was about 7 at the time and perfectly able to climb off herself. I ran over and cut him off, snatched my niece and got out of there. I never forgot that either, because of how creepy he looked and acted, and thinking if he touched that girl he was with, she wouldn't even be able to tell anyone.

It's one thing when it's a neighbor or someone you know, or something specific you've seen, but what about when it's an anonymous stranger, someone you will never see again? And what can you tell them, that the person looked or acted strange or made you uncomfortable? That's not abuse, and I felt, then and now, that even if I had called about instances like that, who would bother to check?
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Old 09-27-2011, 01:55 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,677 posts, read 23,246,850 times
Reputation: 48862
Cliffie, not surprisingly given her background, had some valuable advice concerning evidence!

My addition is supported by research. Stepparents and live in lovers, are far more likely to abuse.
There is even a name for it - "The Cinderella Effect"

When I was growing up, there was no name for it, and no organized mechanism with which to report suspicions of child abuse. I had a friend who had a very mean and abusive step "monster" My friend and her two brothers were always being punished for some minor infraction. One or the other was always grounded for something trivial.

My mother went to the same hair dresser as did the woman who complained relentlessly about her horrible, incorporable, clumsy and stupid step children.(they were all honors students) She also talked loudly about her severe forms of discipline - beating with belts, smacking and kicking down the stairs were some I recall. She actually bragged about this.

My friend and I were in 7th grade and very close. If she was permitted to sleep over, she had to return home by 8 AM to clean the whole house. She was a thin girl, and the step mother was a very heavy woman. She would sit on her but all day and shout insults to my friend as she worked.(I found this out from a boy who was visiting one of the brothers) The girl never complained to me, but she was nervous and guarded. All of the kids were.

The one time I ate dinner there, the step mother was rude and sarcastic to each of the children, cutting them off in mid sentence and calling all of them names. I noticed how little food each child took, as the plates were passed. My friend gave me a look when I took three thin slices of meat. The woman was glaring at me. I put a piece back. The parents ate like pigs.

My mother was concerned as were other mothers. They were in fact "the talk of the town"
Once, my mother asked this woman why "M" was not permitted to come to my pool party and why she had a black eye. The woman told my mom to "mind her own damn business" and further said that my mother had better not interfere with her family because she was from ( a lower class community) and they "handled things different there so you better watch your skinny a$$ Miss Jackie blanking Kennedy" No people in that community threatened people. In retrospect, she reminds me of a 1970s Jessica Swartz.

My father, an attorney did not know what to do. It was a threat made on the telephone.He predicted that she would just deny it. I was afraid that calling the police would make things worse for my friend. We debated, but ultimately did nothing.

I am not only venting (in part I am, this whole thing is very emotional for me) but I am pointing out that step parents who complain or disparage their step children publicly are most likely doing a whole lot more behind closed doors. Most step parents make a conscious effort to at least act as though they care for their step children. And many indeed do.

The ones who malign their step kids, are in all likelihood,up to no good.

I am reminded of a quote of Maya Angelou - "If someone tells you who they are - believe them"
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Old 09-27-2011, 02:25 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,085 posts, read 23,894,650 times
Reputation: 17987
Sheena

A chill went up my spine after I read your post.

Did you remain in contact with your friend?
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Old 09-27-2011, 02:35 PM
 
Location: Dublin, CA
3,813 posts, read 3,657,931 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
If the child has visible marks from the discipline, criteria is met.

Theres so many reasons other than physical discipline for DCPS to intervene.

You, as a person familiar with Law Enforcement know this.
And this is my point. You are dead wrong. Just because "marks" are on a child, it does not necessarily rise to the level child abuse. Many, many, many, factors come into play, you cannot fathom or even think of.
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Old 09-27-2011, 02:39 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,085 posts, read 23,894,650 times
Reputation: 17987
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil306 View Post
And this is my point. You are dead wrong. Just because "marks" are on a child, it does not necessarily rise to the level child abuse. Many, many, many, factors come into play, you cannot fathom or even think of.
Could you elaborate?
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Old 09-27-2011, 05:41 PM
 
Location: Chambersburg PA
1,739 posts, read 1,760,135 times
Reputation: 1464
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnaNomus View Post
There was a couple times I remember seeing something that just didn't sit well with me, and not being aware there was anything I could do about it. I remember quite a long time ago, I worked as a cashier at a department store and a very young pregnant girl who looked to be no older than 12-13 came in with a man who was old enough, and I assumed to be, her father. They were buying baby things for the new baby, and I remember the man bragging proudly that it was a boy, rubbing her stomach in an intimate way, and pretty much acting like the proud papa, and the girl didn't say a word. She didn't look happy to be shopping her new baby, she looked very flat and blank, just stood there staring. I never forgot that.

Another time, at the mall, there was a man with a severely disabled young woman, probably about in her late teens or early twenties. She looked to be near catatonic. He had her on the merry go round, which 2 of my nieces were also on. He was standing next to the young woman holding her up, but he kept eyeing my nieces, staring them down, so I started staring HIM down. When the merry go round stopped, he broke his neck to run all the way to the other side to try to help lift my niece down from the horse, even though she was about 7 at the time and perfectly able to climb off herself. I ran over and cut him off, snatched my niece and got out of there. I never forgot that either, because of how creepy he looked and acted, and thinking if he touched that girl he was with, she wouldn't even be able to tell anyone.

It's one thing when it's a neighbor or someone you know, or something specific you've seen, but what about when it's an anonymous stranger, someone you will never see again? And what can you tell them, that the person looked or acted strange or made you uncomfortable? That's not abuse, and I felt, then and now, that even if I had called about instances like that, who would bother to check?
You have to be very careful in cases where a person "looks" young. My best-friend had her first child at 19 and was married. her husband was in his late 20's, however, she looked young (like 12 ) and was often harrassed (for want of a better term) because of it. She jokes now, that if she had a nickel for everytime someone assumed she WAS 12, she'd be rich.
She just has good genes. She's 40 and still looks maybe 20
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Old 09-27-2011, 06:00 PM
 
Location: Chambersburg PA
1,739 posts, read 1,760,135 times
Reputation: 1464
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil306 View Post
And this is my point. You are dead wrong. Just because "marks" are on a child, it does not necessarily rise to the level child abuse. Many, many, many, factors come into play, you cannot fathom or even think of.
Amen! I AM a step-parent and have been essentially harrssed because of the idea of the "evil" step mom.
I've had CPS called on me at least 5 times over my step-daughter because the school saw a mark, or the ER
Let's see, she had to get stitches once because an aquaintance's child pushed her and she went head first into the radiator...3 Adult witnesses, still had C&Y come around for 4 weeks before I got the letter that it was unfounded (duh!)
Then, she broke her arm at church jumping off some steps in Sunday School (another trip to the ER, another call to C&Y) another "unfounded"
She was at a cousin's and their dog jumped on her, and left great big scratch marks, they didn't bother to call me, just brought her home, and I took her to the Dr's. office (another 3 stitches, another call, another "unfounded")
Then there was a bike accident,where she came walking, pushing the bike with blood running down her arm from a brush burn (past several nieghbors) the school calls C&Y next day, and I get another visit (unfounded)
Then she tipped over her brother's toys and ended up giving herself a black-eye when she fell against a bin, the school called again, another visit from C&Y and another "unfounded"
Funny, nobody ever called when her brother broke his arm, or got bruised, or cut.
The poor kid (my step-daughter) was often afraid to go to school or the Dr's. because she knew they'd call. i'd tell her, "no it's not your fault, and you're not to blame, just go, and let me deal with it"
I think they finally got the idea when she screamed at them, that she was not a liar, and if she said it was an accident, then, by God it's an accident.
That's my girl!
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