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Old 09-27-2011, 06:08 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,678 posts, read 23,284,047 times
Reputation: 48876

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Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
Sheena

A chill went up my spine after I read your post.

Did you remain in contact with your friend?
We lost contact. That woman's oppressive regime did not permit us to continue to be friends. In fact, I was one of a series of girls that were forbidden.

After she was no longer permitted to see me socially, she would not even look me in the eye at school. We went to senior High School and I don't know who "M' became friends with. She was not in any clubs, activities or sports. I think because she had to clean all the time.

After graduation, I went away to college. I am not sure what she or her brothers did.

She always looked sad and skinny and very worried when I saw her in the hall.

This troubles me to this day. I appreciate your empathy Virgode. I don't think about her much, but this topic, along with the "Evil Women" thread, caused me to revisit that situation.

The situation was even worse. The Monster had no children and came from a rough background. She permitted her niece to live with them and to get the largest bedroom after the master. When we were first friends, we both had long blondish hair and some people called us "the Twins" After the Monster forbid her to be friends, one day she arrived at school with a severely short and unflattering hair cut.

The niece did not help around the house. She sat in bed reading magazines and watching TV.

I did find out using a search engine for private investigators (my husband had this business) that all three siblings live in Northern NY State.
My friend appeared to have not married. One of her brothers did.
She had always wanted to be a Registered Nurse, but according to the NYS office of the professions website, which includes maiden names, she never did.

It seems to me that their lives were all altered in an unfavorable way by this horrible woman.
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Old 09-27-2011, 06:21 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,085 posts, read 23,920,956 times
Reputation: 17987
Quote:
Originally Posted by faeryedark View Post
Amen! I AM a step-parent and have been essentially harrssed because of the idea of the "evil" step mom.
I've had CPS called on me at least 5 times over my step-daughter because the school saw a mark, or the ER
Let's see, she had to get stitches once because an aquaintance's child pushed her and she went head first into the radiator...3 Adult witnesses, still had C&Y come around for 4 weeks before I got the letter that it was unfounded (duh!)
Then, she broke her arm at church jumping off some steps in Sunday School (another trip to the ER, another call to C&Y) another "unfounded"
She was at a cousin's and their dog jumped on her, and left great big scratch marks, they didn't bother to call me, just brought her home, and I took her to the Dr's. office (another 3 stitches, another call, another "unfounded")
Then there was a bike accident,where she came walking, pushing the bike with blood running down her arm from a brush burn (past several nieghbors) the school calls C&Y next day, and I get another visit (unfounded)
Then she tipped over her brother's toys and ended up giving herself a black-eye when she fell against a bin, the school called again, another visit from C&Y and another "unfounded"
Funny, nobody ever called when her brother broke his arm, or got bruised, or cut.
The poor kid (my step-daughter) was often afraid to go to school or the Dr's. because she knew they'd call. i'd tell her, "no it's not your fault, and you're not to blame, just go, and let me deal with it"
I think they finally got the idea when she screamed at them, that she was not a liar, and if she said it was an accident, then, by God it's an accident.
That's my girl!
Well...you certainly can't say that CPS doesn't do their job.
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Old 09-27-2011, 06:49 PM
 
1,677 posts, read 2,061,009 times
Reputation: 5496
Quote:
Originally Posted by faeryedark View Post
You have to be very careful in cases where a person "looks" young. My best-friend had her first child at 19 and was married. her husband was in his late 20's, however, she looked young (like 12 ) and was often harrassed (for want of a better term) because of it. She jokes now, that if she had a nickel for everytime someone assumed she WAS 12, she'd be rich.
She just has good genes. She's 40 and still looks maybe 20
You're right, some people do just look young. I'm in my 30's but still get carded. I could have been wrong...but I don't think I was too far off her age by more than a couple years. It wasn't just that she looked so young, she seemed young. A girl of 17 or 18 out shopping with her husband for baby furniture would have had some kind of emotion...this girl just looked like the life had been sucked out of her. She never spoke, never made eye contact, never smiled, the whole time her...whoever the guy was...was bragging and talking and rubbing her stomach.

That's the dilemma...you can't run to call CPS every time you come across a situation that you perceive as a little off, but what my feeling was right, and that girl was being raped? It's just a bad feeling, because I've always wondered.
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Old 09-27-2011, 06:56 PM
 
1,677 posts, read 2,061,009 times
Reputation: 5496
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
We lost contact. That woman's oppressive regime did not permit us to continue to be friends. In fact, I was one of a series of girls that were forbidden.

After she was no longer permitted to see me socially, she would not even look me in the eye at school. We went to senior High School and I don't know who "M' became friends with. She was not in any clubs, activities or sports. I think because she had to clean all the time.

After graduation, I went away to college. I am not sure what she or her brothers did.

She always looked sad and skinny and very worried when I saw her in the hall.

This troubles me to this day. I appreciate your empathy Virgode. I don't think about her much, but this topic, along with the "Evil Women" thread, caused me to revisit that situation.

The situation was even worse. The Monster had no children and came from a rough background. She permitted her niece to live with them and to get the largest bedroom after the master. When we were first friends, we both had long blondish hair and some people called us "the Twins" After the Monster forbid her to be friends, one day she arrived at school with a severely short and unflattering hair cut.

The niece did not help around the house. She sat in bed reading magazines and watching TV.

I did find out using a search engine for private investigators (my husband had this business) that all three siblings live in Northern NY State.
My friend appeared to have not married. One of her brothers did.
She had always wanted to be a Registered Nurse, but according to the NYS office of the professions website, which includes maiden names, she never did.

It seems to me that their lives were all altered in an unfavorable way by this horrible woman.
It would be interesting to know how your friend turned out. I'm sure she didn't come out of it unscathed, which is tragic, but at least she survived it. So many children don't.

Edited to add...did you ever try to find out what happened your friend's parents, particularly the stepmonster? Hopefully, she's in jail or a nuthouse.

Last edited by AnnaNomus; 09-27-2011 at 07:18 PM..
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Old 09-27-2011, 07:58 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,085 posts, read 23,920,956 times
Reputation: 17987
Mandatory Reporters of Child Abuse and Neglect: Summary of State Laws

Professionals Required to Report

Approximately 48 States, the District of Columbia, American Samoa, Guam, the Northern Mariana Islands, Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands designate professions whose members are mandated by law to report child maltreatment.1 Individuals designated as mandatory reporters typically have frequent contact with children. Such individuals may include:
  • Social workers
  • Teachers and other school personnel
  • Physicians and other health-care workers
  • Mental health professionals
  • Child care providers
  • Medical examiners or coroners
  • Law enforcement officers
Some other professions frequently mandated across the States include commercial film or photograph processors (in 11 States, Guam, and Puerto Rico), substance abuse counselors (in 14 States), and probation or parole officers (in 17 States).2 Seven States and the District of Columbia include domestic violence workers on the list of mandated reporters, while seven States and the District of Columbia include animal control or humane officers.3 Court-appointed special advocates are mandatory reporters in nine States.4 Members of the clergy now are required to report in 26 States.5
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Old 09-27-2011, 08:43 PM
 
Location: Out West
22,783 posts, read 16,859,428 times
Reputation: 26318
Sheena...great post and very good information.

I would like to add that neighbors REALLY DO NEED to know who is in that house next door. Pay attention to things you hear. Pay attention to things you see. Please stop with the, "mind my own business" b.s. Please, for the safety of some of those children.

In some cases, the neighbors have no clue that one or some of the children live there for months after the abusers move in.

Yes, abusers are liars and sociopaths but they also suck at it. If you pay very close attention, you will soon find out that sh*t isn't what they say it is.

In one case, the neighbors had no idea that one of the children lived in the home for the four months after the abusive family moved in. The child was locked in a bedroom closet for that four months and almost starved and beaten to death.

BUT, there were other children and if the neighbors paid attention, they would have noticed SOMETHING was off and reported it.

In the above mentioned "example", a very alert social worker is what saved that child....brought on by a tip.
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Old 09-27-2011, 08:47 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,678 posts, read 23,284,047 times
Reputation: 48876
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnaNomus View Post
It would be interesting to know how your friend turned out. I'm sure she didn't come out of it unscathed, which is tragic, but at least she survived it. So many children don't.

Edited to add...did you ever try to find out what happened your friend's parents, particularly the stepmonster? Hopefully, she's in jail or a nuthouse.
Yes I do know what happened to the parents. The monster died at 72. The parents and she were together until her death.

The "father" who never protected his kids is just as bad in my eyes.

He married a year after monster died.

He lives in Florida in a golf community with his third wife.
My gut instinct is that the adult children are estranged from him.

He was a nice looking man, and I saw a picture of her real mom and she was lovely. No one in my home town could understand what, exactly he saw in "The Battle Axe" - my parents and their contemporaries called her that. She was poor ugly and mean. It remains an enigma.

Another weird thing the father and his wife slept in twin beds.
???
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Old 09-27-2011, 10:17 PM
 
Location: Native Floridian, USA
4,907 posts, read 6,125,439 times
Reputation: 6117
Excellent thread with some very good ideas. Thank you so much for this. I am printing it out and cutting and pasting, literally, to make me a sheet to refer to.
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Old 09-27-2011, 10:58 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,678 posts, read 23,284,047 times
Reputation: 48876
Quote:
Originally Posted by Three Wolves In Snow View Post
Sheena...great post and very good information.

I would like to add that neighbors REALLY DO NEED to know who is in that house next door. Pay attention to things you hear. Pay attention to things you see. Please stop with the, "mind my own business" b.s. Please, for the safety of some of those children.

In some cases, the neighbors have no clue that one or some of the children live there for months after the abusers move in.

Yes, abusers are liars and sociopaths but they also suck at it. If you pay very close attention, you will soon find out that sh*t isn't what they say it is.

In one case, the neighbors had no idea that one of the children lived in the home for the four months after the abusive family moved in. The child was locked in a bedroom closet for that four months and almost starved and beaten to death.

BUT, there were other children and if the neighbors paid attention, they would have noticed SOMETHING was off and reported it.

In the above mentioned "example", a very alert social worker is what saved that child....brought on by a tip.
I have always felt that we all should be aware of our environment and especially of the children who live near us.

My passion for the helpless - especially for children, is very deep.
I feel guilt about the foster child who was put out in the November night. Who knows where he is now? My call did nothing. They were just annoyed.

I also feel sadness that a woman could enter into a family, a woman who was ugly inside and out and not only ruin my best friend ship, but an entire family.

I wanted to try to tell people to NOT THINK THAT ONE ANONYMOUS CALL WILL do it. TWICE nothing happened. Once they did not even investigate because they were "good foster parents"

I don't care WHO I OFFEND. FOSTER PARENTS ARE USUALLY IN IT FOR THE $$$$$$$$$$$ That is true. I could not detach myself from a child and feel ok about sending the child back home.

Step parents? THE SAME. Disproportionately, step parents and parent's lovers hurt kids.

If anyone wants links just let me know.
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Old 09-27-2011, 11:37 PM
 
Location: Utah
1,455 posts, read 3,585,578 times
Reputation: 1530
Quote:
I wanted to try to tell people to NOT THINK THAT ONE ANONYMOUS CALL WILL do it. TWICE nothing happened. Once they did not even investigate because they were "good foster parents"

I don't care WHO I OFFEND. FOSTER PARENTS ARE USUALLY IN IT FOR THE $$$$$$$$$$$ That is true. I could not detach myself from a child and feel ok about sending the child back home.

Step parents? THE SAME. Disproportionately, step parents and parent's lovers hurt kids.
I disagree about foster parents, having known many.

The rest, I'm agreeing with...

Call & call & call & call. Often times people stop calling because it appears "nothing" is done.

My mom worked in an elementary school for years where there was a LOT of abuse & even some child murder/rape cases... She said that the staff was taught this... The #1 health risk to a child was an unrelated (ex: mom's boyfriend) adult living in the home.
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