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Old 10-30-2011, 08:39 PM
 
1 posts, read 2,111 times
Reputation: 13

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Hi, can anybody tell me if there is a site to name and shame somebody who beats my little female friend to a pulp. She has such a soft heart, and this bloke just controls her and beats her, cuts her, stabs her, you name it and she just accepts it, and thinks that she deserves it. She keeps going back for more punishment. I cant understand it. I mean, its not like she needs him, she stays by me. He doesnt give her a dam thing, just takes whatever she has. Ive told her to stay away from there, but when people try keep her away, it just makes her wanting to go there even more. He even makes her ask me for money, to give to him. She says to me its for her child to feed, but I know its for him. He thinks he has got me wrapped around his finger aswell. Beats her, just to show everybody, that if they talk to her, he will beat her even more.
What can I do about this situation. please help

 
Old 10-30-2011, 10:20 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,085 posts, read 23,891,390 times
Reputation: 17987
Domestic Violence Awareness Month Some helpful info, go to post number #1 in the thread.

The child should absolutely in no way be surrounded with this abuse in the home and out ASAP. Sadly, her daughters exposure to abuse is damaging emotionally, psychologically and potential dangerous to her welfare, a future repeating the same cycle and the possible loss of a mother, if your friend doesn't get some help now.

A psychologically sick dynamic that she has the power to change..
The worst thing that can happen would be her partner finding out shes leaving. A women is at highest risk when an abuser thinks he may lose control over his victim, She needs to call the Domestic Violence hotline and arrange for her safety. Advocates are there to take her thru each step of the process, for example filing a for a Protection from abuse order(PFO or TRO). The locations of these shelters are confidential.

Shes risking Child and Family Services intervention and loss of her daughter. Someone should do the child a favor and make an anonymous call, this way shes safe even if her mother refuses to leave the abuse.

Best Wishes, please feel free to send a DM.

**BTW, publically humiliating this man could cost you your life and the life of your friend. You need professional help.

Last edited by virgode; 10-30-2011 at 10:36 PM..
 
Old 10-31-2011, 09:34 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
1,545 posts, read 2,285,772 times
Reputation: 1338
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow13 View Post
Hi, can anybody tell me if there is a site to name and shame somebody who beats my little female friend to a pulp. She has such a soft heart, and this bloke just controls her and beats her, cuts her, stabs her, you name it and she just accepts it, and thinks that she deserves it. She keeps going back for more punishment. I cant understand it. I mean, its not like she needs him, she stays by me. He doesnt give her a dam thing, just takes whatever she has. Ive told her to stay away from there, but when people try keep her away, it just makes her wanting to go there even more. He even makes her ask me for money, to give to him. She says to me its for her child to feed, but I know its for him. He thinks he has got me wrapped around his finger aswell. Beats her, just to show everybody, that if they talk to her, he will beat her even more.
What can I do about this situation. please help
Her choice, her problem.
 
Old 10-31-2011, 09:36 AM
 
7,112 posts, read 9,346,238 times
Reputation: 8162
The problem with posting his sorry self on the Net is that he might sue you for defamation of character. (Or in this case maybe definition of character.) He is very unlikely to hurt you physically because batterers are only focused on the ones they love, not the general public. He would never clobber his boss, for instance. But she risks her life by naming his game because this is part of his effed-up idea of what romantic love is -- anything he reads as a disappointment or a betrayal justifies violence as far as he's concerned, because all she needs to do is everything he wants or needs without being asked, and is that really so much to ask?

One way you can help is to be her stash zone -- she may need to get out of there fast and you can be her way station. Have her pack a bag with anything she might need to flee -- ID, cash, prescription numbers, the kids' health-insurance cards -- and keep it at your place where he won't find it. Then she can just grab it on her way to the women's shelter and he won't know she's gone until it's too late.
 
Old 10-31-2011, 10:45 AM
 
Location: Ohio
13,900 posts, read 10,783,547 times
Reputation: 7242
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow13 View Post
Hi, can anybody tell me if there is a site to name and shame somebody who beats my little female friend to a pulp. She has such a soft heart, and this bloke just controls her and beats her, cuts her, stabs her, you name it and she just accepts it, and thinks that she deserves it. She keeps going back for more punishment. I cant understand it. I mean, its not like she needs him, she stays by me. He doesnt give her a dam thing, just takes whatever she has. Ive told her to stay away from there, but when people try keep her away, it just makes her wanting to go there even more. He even makes her ask me for money, to give to him. She says to me its for her child to feed, but I know its for him. He thinks he has got me wrapped around his finger aswell. Beats her, just to show everybody, that if they talk to her, he will beat her even more.
What can I do about this situation. please help
You mean can we give you site where you can slander someone? No, that's illegal.

What you can do is call child protective services. As far as the women goes, there are many more out there like her...... nothing you can do if she takes the beatings but just be there for her, that's about it.
 
Old 10-31-2011, 10:51 AM
 
7,112 posts, read 9,346,238 times
Reputation: 8162
The police can be called out to the house by someone other than the victim. They can choose to file a complaint whether she likes it or not. CPS can and will do nothing if the kids have not been injured.
 
Old 10-31-2011, 11:19 AM
 
Location: Ohio
13,900 posts, read 10,783,547 times
Reputation: 7242
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cliffie View Post
The police can be called out to the house by someone other than the victim. They can choose to file a complaint whether she likes it or not. CPS can and will do nothing if the kids have not been injured.
True, in most areas Domestic Violence complaints can be filed by the state but what willthis accomplish? The way it sounds he would get out and beat her even harder because he had to spend time in the slammer.
 
Old 10-31-2011, 12:07 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,085 posts, read 23,891,390 times
Reputation: 17987
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cliffie View Post
The police can be called out to the house by someone other than the victim. They can choose to file a complaint whether she likes it or not. CPS can and will do nothing if the kids have not been injured.
They can without injury, the question is, will they?
 
Old 10-31-2011, 12:16 PM
 
18,852 posts, read 31,708,488 times
Reputation: 26114
Stay out of it. Stop giving her money. When she calls you because she has problems due to the abuse, give her the phone number to call regarding domestic violence. This is her drama to deal with. I knew a person in a situation like this, and it made me ill. I finally told her to get help, or stop calling me, because I literally wanted no part of it. Her BF was dangerous, and abusive. He is psycho. She wants to be with a psycho person, that is her choice. I gave her the information regarding a safe house, and she had all these reasons why she could not leave..
 
Old 11-01-2011, 09:44 AM
 
7,112 posts, read 9,346,238 times
Reputation: 8162
Well, it's a tough decision, Jasper!
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