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Old 01-10-2012, 12:59 PM
 
9,911 posts, read 9,299,531 times
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Originally Posted by sugarmaple View Post
One of the other components to domestic violence which is very often overlooked is assault on a pet. This happens more often than anyone wants to believe - an offender knows how much their pet means to them and pets are kidnapped, hurt, mutilated, found cut up in mailboxes. This is not only to emotionally hurt the owner of that pet, the partner, but to let that partner know, I can get you too and/or you are next and/or another venue of power, control and intimidation.
That happened in my own family. My niece was living with a guy that was a real piece of work. When he was drunk he would get abusive/destructive ... knocking holes in the walls, throwing and turning over furniture ... I mean throwing things through windows.

He made the grievous mistake of picking up her fluff ball dog, choking it and throwing it against the wall ... bad move for him. She got a gun and chased him out into the yard and shot him ... she was aiming at his private parts (he was nude) but the bullet hit him in the fleshy part of the upper thigh. He wouldn't press charges and nothing was ever done to her. She packed up and moved out.

I got to work the morning after and had a call from an older niece ... she asks "have you read the newspaper yet?" I told her no I just got to work ... there is was on the front page of the local 'estonisher' ... we learned no one messes with my niece's dog.
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Old 01-10-2012, 06:22 PM
Status: "Be yourself. What's the alternative?" (set 16 days ago)
 
8,675 posts, read 10,831,402 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolinaWoman View Post
That happened in my own family. My niece was living with a guy that was a real piece of work. When he was drunk he would get abusive/destructive ... knocking holes in the walls, throwing and turning over furniture ... I mean throwing things through windows.

He made the grievous mistake of picking up her fluff ball dog, choking it and throwing it against the wall ... bad move for him. She got a gun and chased him out into the yard and shot him ... she was aiming at his private parts (he was nude) but the bullet hit him in the fleshy part of the upper thigh. He wouldn't press charges and nothing was ever done to her. She packed up and moved out.

I got to work the morning after and had a call from an older niece ... she asks "have you read the newspaper yet?" I told her no I just got to work ... there is was on the front page of the local 'estonisher' ... we learned no one messes with my niece's dog.
Living in fear of someone must be so difficult. They create pure terror in their victims--the ultimate predator. Pretty brave of her to chase him down.
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Old 01-10-2012, 09:24 PM
 
Location: 2 blocks from bay in L.I, NY
1,767 posts, read 1,436,379 times
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"Didee, I concur, guns, and/or actually any weapon is not optimal in any home where there is, particularly, domestic violence. Even when I was gone and my former husband was somewhere [no one knew where he was which was definitely NOT a secure feeling], it was suggested to me, for my protection, to learn how to fire a weapon. That was too scary for me, not only because I could not really imagine me having to use it, possibly killing someone, but more significantly, having it turned on me and that was certainly a strong possibility."


In normal circumstances, engaging in violence would never enter my mind. However, when we're discussing being beaten by a grown man like you're lower than an animal or your children are being beaten by a grown man like they're lower than an animal, self-defense with a weapon certainly increases the victim's chances of not being a victim again moreso than anything else. When there is no negative consequence of doing something bad, perpetrators have no motivation to stop committing the act. Something has to happen to bring the man back to his right mind. Your love, your tears, seeing the terror that he's inflicting on the children, or calling the police doesn't seem to deter many abusers in the long run. But knowing that you have even the playing field (actually it's more of even the battle field because unfortunately that's what your SO has made it) because you have fire power to meet his physical superiority/strength over you may make him think twice.

As stated earlier, it stopped that second would be rapist-robber in Oklahoma from actually following through on what they thought was just another helpless woman that they were breaking in on. The fact that an abuser could turn the gun on the victim isn't a persuasive argument IMO because many DV abusers use guns on their victims anyway if they feel like it. Plus, it would be pretty hard to take a gun out of a hand that is shooting it at you. I don't suggest using a gun for self-defense lightly. Guns are a very LAST resort. They're not playthings, not for selling wolf tickets. My take is don't pull it out or threaten your're abuser if you're not willing to back up the threat with action if you're attacked. This is real life not some horror movie where the woman holds the gun crying while the killer talks to her in a nice voice while walking up to her and then snatches it out of her hands "like give me this, STUPID"!

Yes, I have been a victim of DV and managed to escape his apartment and run out into the street for help. I was hospitalized with a concussion and badly battered face. It happened because he found out I was leaving him due to his infidelity over the years. I stuck around to write a letter about why I was leaving (because of his cheating) when he came home early and saw my car packed with all my belongings. With his fists, he knocked me all over the living room. It was surreal as I could hear the blows againt my face and body but couldn't feel it at that moment because I was in shock, disbelief, and a fight-or-flight mode! I didn't have a gun. I fought him with the only things I had on me -- my hands and fingernails. It was like a child fighting a bear.

After being released from jail, he cried and cried to me and my family stating that he was very sorry. I believed him. However, that was not enough criteria for me to go back to him, ever. The cheating was horrible enough IMO but his violence unleashed on me helped seal the deal on my decision that it was over. It takes a made up mind that there are some things that go beyond the beyonds. Being beaten to me is one of them. But every woman has to make this decision for herself because no one, including well meaning family, friends, shelters can do that for her. Did I want to live never knowing when he would take his fist and knock me all over the living room again? That was a no-brainer. There is a difference in being victimized versus living the lifestyle of a VICTIM. A man can decide to make a woman his victim but only the woman herself can decide to remain one. As for me, give me liberty or give me death!
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