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Old 01-06-2012, 01:39 PM
 
16,300 posts, read 24,999,446 times
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Investigators: Slain woman planned to leave husband | The Asheville Citizen-Times | citizen-times.com

Quote:
HENDERSONVILLE — Shelby Anne Wilkie planned to leave her abusive husband, and authorities believe that might have motivated him to kill her.Family and friends also told investigators she never would have left without her 3-month-old daughter, according to court records.
After three days of searching and investigating, Henderson County deputies charged Michael Leroy Wilkie with first-degree murder. Authorities say he confessed to the crime.
Wilkie, 39, made a first appearance this morning in Henderson County District Court. He was ordered held without bond.
The Sheriff’s Office said Shelby Wilkie’s body was found Thursday night off Lake Kanuga Road. An autopsy was planned to determine the cause of death.
Wilkie reported his wife missing Monday evening.
“Shelby Wilkie had confided in friends and family that she intended to leave Michael and had retained an attorney to begin a divorce proceeding,” an investigator said in a search warrant application.

According to local TV he has now confessed to the murder, yet he was all over the TV earlier this week with his phony tears and sobbing about his wife being missing, while holding his 3 month old daughter.


(Mods - I quoted a large section of the article for the simple reason our local bird cage liner publisher will remove the story in a week to 10 days.)
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Old 01-06-2012, 09:26 PM
 
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I read about that in the Charlotte Observer ... I would have left him or shot him when he dumped my dog on the side of the road before getting pregnant!

The article doesn't mention the baby ... where is the infant? Poor baby will grow up without her mother it sure is sad.
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Old 01-08-2012, 12:38 PM
 
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The intricacies of domestic violence are complicated, too often, still misunderstood and more often than not, not taken as seriously as it should be. Frequently, when reading an article or news story about domestic violence, even the terminology used is not strong enough.

I recall participating in a press conference with several local reporters and journalists and the topic was domestic violence - some of the reporters asked what they, as a whole, could possibly do to help others better understand the gravity of domestic violence. I said [not expecting to be quoted, verbatim {smile}] -- 'stating an incident -an incident is perhaps spilling milk; stating a disturbance - well that would be a poltergeist - call it what it is violence.' The reporters thought about it for a moment and realized that in fact, those words: incident, disturbance were probably not powerful or strong enough -- when someone is kicked, shot at, beaten, broken ribs, broken jaw, that is not an incident nor a disturbance - it is a violent act.

Sadly, there are those who still have the concept that if a woman is in a domestic violence situation, all she has to do is to leave - it is not that easy. And, studies/statistics illustrate that there is also a far greater risk of death and serious harm if you do leave than if a woman stays. Staying can also be a survival mechanism.

I have no doubt that a woman does not enjoy having her hair pulled, or being hit, or being raped, or being isolated, or being controlled to such a magnitude that she has to ask permission to do anything.

Domestic violence comes in many forms - it can begin as emotional abuse, very subtle, it can be financial, sexual, spiritual and of course physical.

It takes a lot of guts for a woman to leave - it can take a long time to gather the courage.

There are, sadly, still judges and law enforcement officers who do not understand those complexities - although we have come a long way from the likes of the Lisa Steinberg/Heda Nussbaum and Tracy Thurman cases, we still need more education to help prevent the continuation of domestic violence; not only to law enforcement officers and judges but to children so they learn that it is unacceptable behavior AND to teach children that they have more value and worth so they are not treated in that manner as well.
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Old 01-08-2012, 01:50 PM
 
Location: State of Being
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These types of men typically threaten their wives with taking the child/ren and disappearing - and their wives know that they mean it. Or, they may threaten to kill the child/ren and/or other members of the woman's family if she leaves.

People find it hard to understand unless they have seen these guys in action or been subjected to this type of emotional and physical abuse. In many cases, the best thing a woman can do is simply flee with her child/ren, leaving everything she owns behind. And even then, she will be fully aware that if her husband finds her, it is likely he will do her physical harm, if not kill her.
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Old 01-08-2012, 01:58 PM
 
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Perhaps this can better help those who do not quite understand the impact of domestic violence or the intracacies of it ----

'Remember when we sat around a campfire and listened to ghoulish tales….the scarier the better, the more gruesome, far better. Remember getting that creepy feeling in our stomach, the one which moved into our solar plexus, made us gasp with terror, break out in a sheer panic and sweat…remember watching Hitchcock’s the Birds, or even, The Twilight Zone…those were very scary tales. We were supposed to feel scared at a campfire….and for the movies, we could always turn off the television or walk out of the movie theatre.

The same sense of intense fear and terror exists with domestic violence. However, it is not as easy to walk out of our homes as it is to walk out of a movie theatre or away from the campfire.

Remember how furious we could get with our children, how we could get to the point where we could give them a good wallop…and why didn’t we? We did not hurt our children because there was a control, a stopping point; we could and did catch ourselves.

There are a myriad of theories of the causes of domestic violence. Regardless of the theories, we do know it is a learned behavior; it is fear-based behavior, it is a lack of control….a switch which gets turned on by the batterer and does not get turned off. It involves fear, with both parties. The batterer has a sense of entitlement that this behavior can be done and of course, is therefore justified. We also know the effects of domestic violence, some short-term and others long-lasting and haunting: bruises, broken bones, lack of self-worth, shame, fear, terror, lack of confidence, and even death.

Domestic violence comes in many forms; it can be emotional, sexual, financial, spiritual and of course, physical. It can take on one or two of these elements or it can integrate all.

And why does the battered stay: Fear, economics, attitudes. Sometimes it evolves into the quiet acceptance or the inability to be heard or taken seriously.

Emotional abuse is not swift, it is subtle. Emotional abuse can be much worse in that outsiders cannot see it or understand it; physical abuse is abhorrent and easily understood. If the battered does not make a move immediately, then it becomes harder for anyone to believe and more difficult for the battered to leave.

This is not merely about husbands and wives; this is about partners in a relationship. This is about domestic violence with all the evils, threats, fears, bruises, horrors that your minds can possibly visualize. This is about not knowing, not understanding and not reading the signs which are the red flags to domestic violence.

This is about power and control. This is about sheer unadulterated fear. This is about not knowing who or where to turn because you are terrified of the ramifications if you do come forward, or worse, who is going to believe you if you do?

It can take a lot of times attempting to leave, but it is not until that moment when you know that your life may be over, literally, that you muster the courage to walk away, sometimes leaving everything behind you.

Maybe just one person reading this thread will realize they are not alone and there are resources out there for them - and they can muster the courage to leave, now.
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Old 01-08-2012, 04:02 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,085 posts, read 23,946,204 times
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DVs misunderstood due to false perceptions about DV victims and the offender.

The sterotypical images and misconceptions are still associated with poverty and lower social class.

That abuse is 100% detectable to the outside world and not cleverly masked.

That abuse is limited to physical violence.

He/she didn't leave equates to.... false accusations and no validity.

That normal logic applys... simply tell him/her you're leaving......

.... The loss of power and control over the victim, when he/she plans to leave puts them in the most vulnerable, dangerous position. It takes precaution if not complete secrecy.
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Old 01-08-2012, 04:08 PM
 
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That abuse is 100% detectable to the outside world and not cleverly masked.

That abuse is limited to physical violence.

He/she didn't leave equates to.... false accusations and no validity.

That normal logic applys... simply tell him/her you're leaving......


I am not sure if I am understanding all of this correctly, are you saying that abuse is limited to physical? When someone does not leave are you saying that there is no validity?

I am just not clear - thanks.
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Old 01-08-2012, 04:29 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,085 posts, read 23,946,204 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
DVs misunderstood due to false perceptions about DV victims and the offender.

The sterotypical images and misconceptions are still associated with poverty and lower social class.

That abuse is 100% detectable to the outside world and not cleverly masked.

That abuse is limited to physical violence.

He/she didn't leave equates to.... false accusations and no validity.

That normal logic applys... simply tell him/her you're leaving......

.... The loss of power and control over the victim, when he/she plans to leave puts them in the most vulnerable, dangerous position. It takes precaution if not complete secrecy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarmaple View Post
That abuse is 100% detectable to the outside world and not cleverly masked.

That abuse is limited to physical violence.

He/she didn't leave equates to.... false accusations and no validity.

That normal logic applys... simply tell him/her you're leaving......

I am not sure if I am understanding all of this correctly, are you saying that abuse is limited to physical? When someone does not leave are you saying that there is no validity?

I am just not clear - thanks.
If you look at the very first statement it says.."misunderstood false perceptions of DV"
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Old 01-08-2012, 06:16 PM
 
18,852 posts, read 31,783,040 times
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What people don't understand about domestic violence, is that it escalates. And every time a person allows a behavior, and does not leave, that person has basically stated being treated that way is acceptable in the relationship.

It does take two people to continue a relationship with domestic violence. There are alternatives.

Sadly, I watched a friend in a horrible relationship for years. She had many choices to leave. Her family begged her, her friends, she had resources. And she choose to stay, and the violence did continue to escalate. Only when her abuser started abusing the kids, did she leave. And, yes the abuser followed her, begged her to come back. She almost did, but would have had to put her kids in foster care, because he was a danger to them. That is why she did not.

What was interesting to me, was her family, her Mother refused to take the kids. Said they needed to go live with strangers if their Mother would not take care of them. She refused to enable her daughter to continue the relationship.
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Old 01-08-2012, 07:51 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,085 posts, read 23,946,204 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
What people don't understand about domestic violence, is that it escalates. And every time a person allows a behavior, and does not leave, that person has basically stated being treated that way is acceptable in the relationship.
I have mixed feelings and thoughts about the statement above. Its not 'people' per say who don't understand, but the victims.

Whether they've other options and deceived themselves into believing the dynamic will change or they're without options and other living arrangements (assuming this is what you mean by 'alternatives').

If you don't have a realistic well thought out plan, you're setting yourself up for failure and the possibilty of finding yourself back in the same relationship with the same man and affects any children involved as much as the victim.

Your friends mother did the right thing for everyone involved by not enabling an abusive relationship....smart woman.
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