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She is at fault for being vulnerable and having less control? Doesn't that behoove the other people around her to behave more responsibly then?
I hate to think that we live in a society where the second someone is weak, people jump on them like a pack of hyenas and take advantage of them.
I will be telling my son NEVER to have sex with any woman who has been drinking. It's irresponsible...and it's clearly dangerous.
It's never right for a man to take advantage of a drunk woman. But lets not make a saint out of a woman who was willing to take the risks of inebriation. At some point people must be held accountable for thier own actions.
Last edited by Capt. Dan; 03-02-2012 at 10:04 AM..
1) Did he hold her head and pour vodka down her throat? If so, than that is rape.
2) Did he put a date rape in her drink (which can be tested for at a hospital)? Than it is rape
3) Did he offer to buy you drink, after drink, after drink while the OP knew she was putting herself in a bad situation (bad situation = imparied judgements), but still continued to put the drinks to her own lips? Than further questions need to be answered about what happened later in the night. However, the OP needs to take some responsibility for putting herself into an impaired state of mind.
Sounds like, She could have said no to the 6th shot of tequila, or even the 2-3 third shot if she is a small framed novice drinker. People should know better than to test their limits by binging. If this is the case, the OP needs some alcohol awareness courses. Alcohol poisoning can result dealth.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,029,399 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chzanne
How did he get the OP drunk?
1) Did he hold her head and pour vodka down her throat? If so, than that is rape.
2) Did he put a date rape in her drink (which can be tested for at a hospital)? Than it is rape
3) Did he offer to buy you drink, after drink, after drink while the OP knew she was putting herself in a bad situation (bad situation = imparied judgements), but still continued to put the drinks to her own lips? Than further questions need to be answered about what happened later in the night. However, the OP needs to take some responsibility for putting herself into an impaired state of mind.
Sounds like, She could have said no to the 6th shot of tequila, or even the 2-3 third shot if she is a small framed novice drinker. People should know better than to test their limits by binging. If this is the case, the OP needs some alcohol awareness courses. Alcohol poisoning can result dealth.
It's scary to hear about people getting hospitalised from alcohol intoxication. It's actually not a laughing matter. I'm no prohibitionist but the risks associated with binge drinking are many.
I think a big problem here is the whole idea of getting so drunk in the first place, and the culture of drunken sex.
It's never right for a man to take advantage of a drunk woman. But lets not make a saint out of a woman who was willing to take the risks of inebriation. At some point people must be held accountable for thier own actions.
Yep, if a guy gets a girl pregnant he must so both parties get to share responsibility if they put themselves in that situation.
Where does accountability fit in? At what point does the man take responsibility for his actions and realize that just because someone is incoherent, doesn't mean he can do whatever he wants to them? Someone not being in control of their actions doesn't give him the right to violate them. Where's HIS self control? This could be said of men who are raped too because it happens. I bet the tables would turn real fast if that were the case here.
Sums it up, nicely.
Alcohol is a drug. It causes impairment. It can be, and often successfully is, argued that if someone is impaired, he or she cannot give consent. Whether the person lifted the glass to his or her own lips is not the issue. The issue is whether the person can give consent.
The "if you can spread your legs, you consented" argument is baloney. If you're passed out or on the verge of doing so, the rapist will spread them for you.
A gentleman does not "take advantage" of a woman who had too much to drink, and only a savage would deliberately try to ply a woman with alcohol just to perform a sex act on her. Note how I said "perform a sex act." Rape is not about sex, it's about power. Men who do this do it to take power away from their victims, and make themselves feel like they have some power, themselves.
Such actions are not only cowardly--what, too frightened of a possible "no?"--but pathetic in their helplessness. Yep, helplessness. A rapist can't control his anger or cope with his feelings of weakness and inadequacy, so he has to try to create impairment in someone else to make him or her weak, or take advantage of a person who is in a weakened state, such as impairment via drugs or alcohol.
If you don't want to risk the possibility of charges and prosecution, don't behave in a way that can get you charged and prosecuted. It's really that simple.
Sad state of affairs when a woman can't relax because she has to worry about being raped.
Yes, it is sad. We can't do a lot of things. I won't walk my dog in the woods around the corner from my house at night without my husband. He goes off on his own all the time late night with the dog. He usually has head phones on to boot. I can't take that risk.
Quote:
Then the men around here would call her a w*ore, for being raped.
I would find it interesting if one of the men (who blames women) were raped and came back her to tell us how he feels and how it was all his own fault.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,029,399 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yzette
Sums it up, nicely.
Alcohol is a drug. It causes impairment. It can be, and often successfully is, argued that if someone is impaired, he or she cannot give consent.
The "if you can spread your legs, you consented" argument is baloney. If you're passed out or on the verge of doing so, the rapist will spread them for you.
A gentleman does not "take advantage" of a woman who had too much to drink, and only a savage would deliberately try to ply a woman with alcohol just to perform a sex act on her. Note how I said "perform a sex act." Rape is not about sex, it's about power. Men who do this do it to take power away from their victims, and make themselves feel like they have some power, themselves.
Such actions are not only cowardly--what, too frightened of a possible "no?"--but pathetic in their helplessness. Yep, helplessness. A rapist can't control his anger or cope with his feelings of weakness and inadequacy, so he has to create impairment in someone else to make him or her weak.
If you don't want to risk the possibility of charges and prosecution, don't behave in a way that can get you charged and prosecuted. It's really that simple.
Are you describing most men who try to get women drunk? How broad are you casting your net? This practice seems surprisingly widespread (which disturbs me too)...I mean many men might not have such a pre-meditated plan, but the idea of 'loosening her up' is definitely pretty mainstream. You read and hear a lot about it in dating advice etc, which is not my thing but are you describing most of these men are only the more predatory types?
so.... in short, it totally baffles me how some women can actually be raped and not report it... while other women will accuse a man of "rape" for no apparent reason other than malice. That's why it's important to not automatically blame the man.
More people don't report than do report IIRC, for both men and women.
Are you describing most men who try to get women drunk? How broad are you casting your net? This practice seems surprisingly widespread (which disturbs me too)...I mean many men might not have such a pre-meditated plan, but the idea of 'loosening her up' is definitely pretty mainstream. You read and hear a lot about it in dating advice etc, which is not my thing but are you describing most of these men are only the more predatory types?
A man trying to get a woman drunk to perform a sex act on her IS premeditation--he thought beforehand about what he wanted to do and devised a way to try to accomplish it. So, yes, any man who does that is included in my description.
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