Retiring Single: Retirement Community or Would I Feel Out of Place? (Mesa: living, activities)

[Marcy1210]

Originally Posted by gomexico

I think many people, in this instance retirees, seem to favor home ownership over renting is because the thought is that when you own a home you can budget your expenses better. You know what your mortgage/taxes are, or just what the taxes are if you own outright. And you know where you're going to be living for the years ahead. For many, renting an apartment is too transient-like/uncertain.

I like the idea of owning my home rather than renting because I don't want to be beholden to a landlord. I like the idea that I can change things, upgrade, paint, add features, replace features, and feel secure because I know it's mine. When I write a check to the bank (mortgage) I like the idea that I'm making an investment as I have something to show for it. Like gomexico said, it feels stable, long term, and it's something I can sell if I need to down the road.

[tom4416]

My wife and I bought in Sunflower in Marana (best of all worlds IMHO but do the research). There are a lot more widows and widowers than I would have expected but then realistically, there is always going to be quite a few considering the whole age group of the community. All are homeowners as renting out your house is very restricted and so many do not wish to leave the environment after losing their spouse.

The widows who choose to be active in the community find a lot of activities that give them the opportunity to fulfill much of their social needs. Neighbors seem to be very caring and offer to help in those areas where it's appropriate. However, if someone chooses to be a shut-in, then they are likely to find a very unpleasant experience no matter where they locate. At least in a retirement community, widowhood isn't looked at oddly or being uncommon. There is a support group that is pretty active and no pressure to get involved - do as much or as little as you like.

Widowers seem to have a bit of different problem as they must often feel like they are being hunted. Widows outnumber widowers by, it seems to me, something like 10:1. Even if it's not a romantic pursuit, the widowers are "prized" because they remove the fifth wheel syndrome. Just being available as dance and dinner partners would keep their social calendar filled and I've heard several of them remark that it's just easier to avoid contact altogether. I'm sure some romances do bloom but may well focus on combining finances versus intimacy.

[gomexico]

Originally Posted by tom4416

Widowers seem to have a bit of different problem as they must often feel like they are being hunted. Widows outnumber widowers by, it seems to me, something like 10:1. Even if it's not a romantic pursuit, the widowers are "prized" because they remove the fifth wheel syndrome. Just being available as dance and dinner partners would keep their social calendar filled and I've heard several of them remark that it's just easier to avoid contact altogether. I'm sure some romances do bloom but may well focus on combining finances versus intimacy.

Yours are observations we've touched on in similar or related discussions previously in the Retirement forum. And I was once again recently reminded of this when I viewed the Academy Award nominated documentary "Kings Point" on HBO (for the second time). I also witness this in the building in which I live which has a large senior population.

The men will always be in demand, and as you say, that can, for many, become burdensome or too confining.

As for "combining finances," where I live (which oftentimes resembles a 55+ community) the children of the seniors have pretty much taken control of the Mother's finances and keep a watchful eye on who influences the parent(s) when the children aren't around. And marriage isn't the intent of any of the relationships between the women and men. It's all about companionship (which you also allude to) ... and, even sex.

As a single guy probably a couple years away from retirement, these issues, and 55+ communities are matters I've been thinking about more frequently than ever before.

Thanks for your insight.

[CheyDee]

Originally Posted by gomexico

The men will always be in demand, and as you say, that can, for many, become burdensome or too confining.

For others, like the widowed 76 year old man who used to live next door to us, it was like being the star of his college football team all over again. He had a different woman spend the weekend almost every weekend. Some of the neighbors nicknamed him "Viagra Joe". (He did eventually marry one of them.)

[bkolodzi]

I have been doing research for over a year in preparation for moving next summer as soon as my daughter is out of high school. I am heading for the Green Valley area. It looks like you have almost everything you need there and would only have to go to Tucson proper for maybe doctors or a change of scenery. I frickin HATE traffic, so I am hoping that it would be better in GV than in Tucson, but there is the fact that most of the drivers will be older which is good......to a point, then not so good. I am coming for the sun and clear skies. I am coming for the beauty of the desert. I am coming for the excitement of a wild thunderstorm. I am coming to be with people that are in the same place in life I am in terms of age. I will be 56 this summer and I still work and will for at least another 10 or 15 years. I really hope I get to turn 57 in the Green Valley/Tucson area.

As for being single, I don't think you should worry a bit about that. Just be you. I am sure that there are many other people who are single for whatever reason. Just be open and make some friends and enjoy your life!!!!

[corydon]

Just a warning, not making fun.
And I am a widow. Watch for al the traps, they wil get your money, insurance, whatever.
Offcourse I am sure there are lots of folks with compassion.

STD Rates Increasing In The Elderly Population | STDTesting.com

[ExNooYawk]

We've taken our RV to a few resorts that have 'park model homes', which are more permanent than an RV. People do live in them year round. Yes, they are mostly older folks but seem pretty happy for the most part. There is no shortage of things to do for both men and women.
One of my problems is that the pools are always too warm for me. I like a dip in the pool to be refreshing. 86 degree temps are not refreshing. Once I suggested to someone that 84 degrees might be better. She shivered and assured me that 84 degrees would be much too 'cold'.
At age 58, I am clearly not ready to throw in the towel with the old folks but have enjoyed their company and believe most of them to be content where they are.
Most of the singles appeared to have friends and participated in their preferred activities; card games, sewing, carpentry, book groups even jigsaw puzzle groups. There are dances, pot-lucks and bus trips along with regular exercise activities.
Right now, no; someday maybe. If I can get them to lower the pool temperature.

[Dmgare]

Those are my very same thoughts..

[waltcolorado]

LOL.. Im looking forward to when the biggest issue I have is the pool being 86 rather than 84!!!!

[Jukesgrrl]

I realize a lot of the "active adult" communities pitch their advertising to couples but statistics bear out that most of the female half of these couples will survive the male partner and continue living there years longer. So far more single women than single men are destined to inhabit every over-55 community.

I know multiple females who live in Sun City Oro Valley who bought homes as single women. Widows, divorcees, two I know were never married. They certainly seem very happy there. They are active throughout the community, motoring around on bicycles or golf carts (even though a couple of them don't even golf). Sun City has a gorgeous community center and a variety of types of housing. It's part of the Rancho Vistoso community which has nine parks with every park amenity imaginable (some even have restroom facilities), including dog runs. Woodshade Linear Park is especially accommodating to older people with an easy walking trail cemented from beginning to end and planted with mesquite and palo verde trees lining the pathway to provide shade.

My women friends who live there like the fact that shopping, dining, every home service imaginable, and good medical care is very close by in the suburb of Oro Valley. There's a nice Safeway at Tangerine and Rancho Vistoso Blvd., near the entrance to Sun City, and a very large Fry's Supermarket only about two miles away. If these women choose to stop driving, the Sun Shuttle service (mini buses operated by the Metro Tucson bus company) is available.
Tucson Arizona Active Adult Community Sun City Oro Valley
Rancho Vistoso. A residential community in Oro Valley, Arizona

This shopping center is very close to Sun City Oro Valley:
Oro Valley Marketplace
There's another one close by at the intersection of Oracle Road and First Avenue that doesn't seem to have its own website. It has Home Depot, Target, Pier One, Sports Authority, Pet Smart, a car wash, and more restaurants and banks than I could possibly remember.

Oro Valley also has (to my mind the nicest) of the excellent Pima County Public Libraries, a worldclass Aquatic Center, and a new hospital, part of the Northwest Medical Center system.
Oro Valley Branch Library | Pima County Public Library | Tucson, Marana, Ajo, Oro Valley, Sahuarita, Green Valley, Vail, Arivaca | Arizona
Oro Valley Aquatic Center | Oro Valley
Home | Oro Valley Hospital

Please note I have nothing to gain from this post. I don't even live in Oro Valley (although I happily drive over there to enjoy some of these amenities). But Oro Valley is growing by leaps and bounds and there IS a reason.