7 months in-dissapointed (Oklahoma City, Tulsa, Howe: transfer, to live, oil)

[Bass&Catfish2008]

Originally Posted by Raelyn28

You are absolutely right Jammie..I didn't want to move and I came from a place where I became quite spoiled. Most people (even Tulsans who have been to the PNW) would say that the move would be hard for anyone.

I have honestly tried to be positive but it has been several months and we still do not have any friends here and we have not stayed home!! My boys who are very outgoing are having the same problems making friends so I know it isn't me.. In fact my youngest son complains that people at school are very mean to him...

Anyway, I don't want to go into "negative mode" here again and that is why I left the forum for awhile. I was just trying to reassure the OP that she/he was not alone and that others were struggling as well.

I intend on getting plugged in here and making the best out of this. I am certainly not the type that gives up easily.. Maybe with time things will change. I recently watched a movie that kind of reminded me of this situation.. It is called "New in town". It is about a girl from Florida that moves to Minnesota and has a hard time but eventually falls in love with the people.. I am praying that my story ends with a happy ending as the movie did, lol... I guess it did help that Harry Connick Jr. was her co-star and boyfriend in the movie.

Thanks for the encouragement Jammie, I always welcome you comments and suggestions...

>>>>>
I intend on getting plugged in here and making the best out of this. I am certainly not the type that gives up easily.. Maybe with time things will change.
<<<<<

I think you'll definitely prevail with this attitude. Hang in there, give those backward Okies a chance (that would be me too, hahaha)!

Also, don't give up on church.....the Lord has a place for you and your family there. Keep praying and asking for God to show you the right church family to join. I think once you find a good church that suits ya'll, your sons will start to build some friendships with their peers.

Praying for ya, Sister!

[Howest2008]

I think that LeaveWI has left the building (sic) state of Oklahoma
leaving Tulsa in the rear view mirror , but in my opinion his problems
wasn't Tulsa , it was the lack of his Significant Other joining him out
there in the city of Tulsa.Seperation from your Significant Other can
"take the Cold Out Of ICE" and "Take The HEAT Out Of FIRE"...

[Raelyn28]

Originally Posted by Bass&Catfish2008

>>>>>
I intend on getting plugged in here and making the best out of this. I am certainly not the type that gives up easily.. Maybe with time things will change.
<<<<<

I think you'll definitely prevail with this attitude. Hang in there, give those backward Okies a chance (that would be me too, hahaha)!

Also, don't give up on church.....the Lord has a place for you and your family there. Keep praying and asking for God to show you the right church family to join. I think once you find a good church that suits ya'll, your sons will start to build some friendships with their peers.

Praying for ya, Sister!

Thanks for your sensitive and graceful post.. I really appreciate the support more than you know. I realize that some people on here think that I am negative and mean spirited. I received a very nasty reputation post today saying that I was mean and negative and it really hurt me but in all honestly I am just stating my feelings. I am not trying to put Tulsa down or critisize the people nor am I saying that all the people here are unfriendly because I have met some really nice people. I am just sharing my experience.

My family is having such a hard time adjusting. And I am really very lonely. I also take on the feelings of my family and when my kids struggle so do I. I still do believe that there is a reason for all of this and I am not going to give up.

Anyway, thanks again.

[Raelyn28]

Originally Posted by Bass&Catfish2008

>>>>>
People are people no matter where you are. Some are friendly and some are rude no matter what area of the country you live in.
<<<<<

Yes Ma'am. True words here.

And I totally agree with that... I was just trying to let the OP know that he was not alone.. It sounded like he was having a hard time.

[Goodpasture]

doesn't matter what city you move to, I doubt you can possibly tell people that have lived there for years much about how people are in that city. so when we have experienced (and most of us have moved here from somewhere else and have had to make the same adjustments you did) and come to know something different from what you are experiencing, the only realistic conclusion is that it is something you are doing.....your attitude, maybe your constant griping, maybe your constant comparisons about where else you have lived, maybe a generally unhappy demeanor indicating how miserable you are that makes the difference.

It isn't as though we are pollyannas. We do know the liabilities of eastern Oklahoma. It is just that we have learned to live with them and find the fun things and the pretty things and the good things to live with as well. We know you are unhappy here. We know you don't like it. We know you don't find people friendly. We know you can't find a church you feel at home in. Isn't it funny that almost every one of the rest of us that have moved here from somewhere else (I moved here from Taos, NM....pretty much a culture shock, eh?) have lots and lots of good things to say? Our conclusion is that the problem lies with you.....I found the people friendly, the churches accepting, the schools good, the fishing great, the hunting good, the museums excellent............what other city this size has a ballet, an opera, a philharmonic and a symphony.......six graduate level university campuses.........frankly, I would live where I was happy, if it meant cleaning houses to earn a living (and I hate housekeeping), than live in a place I didn't like and made lots of money (and I took a substantial cut in income when I moved here).

[TulsaArtist]

Perhaps a sizeable part of your disappointment in Tulsa is due to expectations. You may just not have realized what Tulsa was, or if you did, still just would not like it here for other reasons. And your right, some cities just dont fit some people. But back to that expectations thing.... Portland is a very different city than Tulsa for instance. Its much older and more established, thus it has a lot of things Tulsa is just beginning to get and grow. The Portland metro is double the size of Tulsas (a cities metro REALLY makes a difference) and the city population is easily a third larger than Tulsa as well. I have said it before, I think people often ask too much of Tulsa. At first glance it "appears" larger than it really is and people expect it to "live" like a city/metro that is bigger than its actual population. When people go to Tucson or Colorado Springs for instance they dont expect to have all the things that people often expect from Tulsa. Tulsa is about the same size population wise as Tucson and is also isolated in a smaller metro, not near other cities, like Tulsa. Colorado Springs.... (pop 370,000,,, Tulsa 380,000) http://img686.imageshack.us/img686/5945/citycoloradospringsskyl.jpg (broken link) http://img686.imageshack.us/img686/6682/citycoloradospringsdown.jpg (broken link) Tucson.... (larger than Tulsa at about 500,000 but similar metro) http://img686.imageshack.us/img686/2451/citytucson.jpg (broken link) Would you have moved to Colorado Springs for instance and expect the things you expected here? Or would you have taken one look at it and accepted it for what it was? Again, I think people expect too much from Tulsa. And believe it or not Tulsa has a lot of things due to its oil wealth (not population) that those cities and many others our size, could only dream of. You can either see us as an incredibly fortunate and wonderful small city, or a lousy failure of a big city. But the latter is unfair. And even we the locals beat ourselves up and yes, get defensive about our city. We too expect a lot and try to compare ourselves to, and compete with, cities that are actually much larger. Add to that everyone else coming into town expecting more than they would ever expect from other cities our actual size,,, well that just adds to the frustration and defensiveness.

[TulsaArtist]

Just to add a little to the perspective thing... Imagine moving to or visiting one of those cities pictured above and then them telling you they had a world class ballet and an opera and symphony. You probably wouldn't believe them. Then you might be quite surprised if you found out they also had 2 world class museums, an aquarium, a nice zoo and wonderful parks, and an air and space museum, and more. Imagine your disbelief if they told you they had just built a new arena (designed by the world renowned architect Cesar Pelli) that was a top ticket seller in the WORLD!, and had another, tops in the US music venue, the Cains Ballroom and a Performing Arts Center (several if you include the ones the colleges have and are building), and had just landed a WNBA team, was getting a new baseball stadium downtown... Imagine your amazement if you discovered large, beautiful, neighborhoods overflowing with grand, multi million dollar mansions, one of the most impressive collections of art-deco architecture, some stunning cathedrals and churches, etc.. One of the largest October Fests in the world, Mayfest and Blue dome arts festivals, one of the largest and fastest growing music events in D-Fest, multiple, growing, highly ranked colleges (TU, OU Tulsa, OSU Tulsa, Langston, ORU, NSU, one of the largest community colleges in this region of the country TCC, world renowned Spartain Aeronautics, Tulsa Tech,,,) , and probably more churches than both those other cities combined (sorry you havent yet found one to suit you...).

I feel like saying "Jeeze lady, we have far more than probably any other city our size could dream of,,, and you still expected more!? What more can you want from us? lol" IMO, people should be down right amazed at what we do have and manage to somehow support. And if they had to move to any city/area our size, should be quite thrilled that it was Tulsa and not one of the others. But, to be fair, you may simply have not realize how small a city Tulsa really is. Our looks are deceiving. But one hope that I do have, is that our big expectations, result in us continuing to reach for more and push ourselves forward.

[DC at the Ridge]

I know Raelynn is having difficulty adjusting, after all, who wouldn't have trouble adjusting? Whenever I've moved to a new area it's been an adjustment, not just to what amenities an area has to offer, or to the climate, or even to the economy. People are people, the same everywhere, but how people develop and nurture relationships is different, area to area. In the city, there is an ad hoc feeling to how relationships develop. All the usual suspects, we make friends with the people we have repeated contact with, but in an urban setting, how many more people do we have contact with. More than that, in an urban setting in which we feel comfortable, where we belong, how much easier is it to make contact with the people around us?

I would say, though, that children are very sensitive. And if their mother feels discomfort and is tentative about making friends, then that same hesitancy will spill over to the children quite often.

[Raelyn28]

Originally Posted by Goodpasture

doesn't matter what city you move to, I doubt you can possibly tell people that have lived there for years much about how people are in that city. so when we have experienced (and most of us have moved here from somewhere else and have had to make the same adjustments you did) and come to know something different from what you are experiencing, the only realistic conclusion is that it is something you are doing.....your attitude, maybe your constant griping, maybe your constant comparisons about where else you have lived, maybe a generally unhappy demeanor indicating how miserable you are that makes the difference.

It isn't as though we are pollyannas. We do know the liabilities of eastern Oklahoma. It is just that we have learned to live with them and find the fun things and the pretty things and the good things to live with as well. We know you are unhappy here. We know you don't like it. We know you don't find people friendly. We know you can't find a church you feel at home in. Isn't it funny that almost every one of the rest of us that have moved here from somewhere else (I moved here from Taos, NM....pretty much a culture shock, eh?) have lots and lots of good things to say? Our conclusion is that the problem lies with you.....I found the people friendly, the churches accepting, the schools good, the fishing great, the hunting good, the museums excellent............what other city this size has a ballet, an opera, a philharmonic and a symphony.......six graduate level university campuses.........frankly, I would live where I was happy, if it meant cleaning houses to earn a living (and I hate housekeeping), than live in a place I didn't like and made lots of money (and I took a substantial cut in income when I moved here).

I agree with you to a point but then I think you are putting me in your box and making me feel guilty for not liking it here Goodpasture. I have to be honest with you, I have recieved many PM's from other people that don't like it here either and some have actually left. They don't post here because for some reason Tulsa doesn't want to face the truth that perhaps their city needs some help. Maybe in all reality that is why the crime rate is high? Just a thought.

I am really glad that so many people enjoy Tulsa and I wouldn't want to take that away from anyone. I have just posted here because the OP was struggling for whatever reason. I should have PM'd the OP instead of publicly posting which is my mistake. Sorry to offend you or anyone else.

[Raelyn28]

Originally Posted by TulsaArtist

Perhaps a sizeable part of your disappointment in Tulsa is due to expectations. You may just not have realized what Tulsa was, or if you did, still just would not like it here for other reasons. And your right, some cities just dont fit some people. But back to that expectations thing.... Portland is a very different city than Tulsa for instance. Its much older and more established, thus it has a lot of things Tulsa is just beginning to get and grow. The Portland metro is double the size of Tulsas (a cities metro REALLY makes a difference) and the city population is easily a third larger than Tulsa as well. I have said it before, I think people often ask too much of Tulsa. At first glance it "appears" larger than it really is and people expect it to "live" like a city/metro that is bigger than its actual population. When people go to Tucson or Colorado Springs for instance they dont expect to have all the things that people often expect from Tulsa. Tulsa is about the same size population wise as Tucson and is also isolated in a smaller metro, not near other cities, like Tulsa. Colorado Springs.... (pop 370,000,,, Tulsa 380,000) Tucson.... (larger than Tulsa at about 500,000 but similar metro) Would you have moved to Colorado Springs for instance and expect the things you expected here? Or would you have taken one look at it and accepted it for what it was? Again, I think people expect too much from Tulsa. And believe it or not Tulsa has a lot of things due to its oil wealth (not population) that those cities and many others our size, could only dream of. You can either see us as an incredibly fortunate and wonderful small city, or a lousy failure of a big city. But the latter is unfair. And even we the locals beat ourselves up and yes, get defensive about our city. We too expect a lot and try to compare ourselves to, and compete with, cities that are actually much larger. Add to that everyone else coming into town expecting more than they would ever expect from other cities our actual size,,, well that just adds to the frustration and defensiveness.

I really didn't expect anything other than making the best out of it and trying to enjoy it.. Sorry I have dissappointed everyone with my experience...