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Old 10-05-2010, 05:09 PM
 
Location: middle of everywhere
1,617 posts, read 2,432,374 times
Reputation: 1076
Quote:
Originally Posted by hiknapster View Post

And very few people know the hurt and pain that the last few posts caused.
Some comments were really uncalled for. I apologize on their behalf to the pain they may have caused. Some are speaking with such conviction on things they seem to know very little about.
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Old 10-05-2010, 10:10 PM
 
Location: Deane Hill, Knoxville, Tennessee
21,626 posts, read 30,667,946 times
Reputation: 11691
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glitterific View Post
Some comments were really uncalled for. I apologize on their behalf to the pain they may have caused. Some are speaking with such conviction on things they seem to know very little about.
I thank you and from the very bottom of my heart.

I don't write about this and rarely talk about it to anyone. I am all over the net and easily trackable so I am really going out on a limb here. But I feel very compelled to explain. First, my life in no way may resemble Stacie's mom's situation, but I tried to warn about the different possibilities and I found a disturbing amount of people coming up with scenarios and going on very little information.

Maybe what I say will show people, and especially adoptees and their children, that nothing is usually what it seems. When I was 15 I was raped by a man in his 30s. He was black and a counselor that worked with teens. I became pregnant. I did not want an abortion. I had no family support essentially because I was a throwaway child to begin with that had already been taken out of my home. I had the baby, intended to keep him, and did for 7 months until a social worker said it might be best for all involved if I gave him up for adoption. I just didn't have any support, was living in my own apartment and on $250 a month in welfare checks.

First, the entire incident did not make me racist. Far from it. I was raped by a sick man that happened to be black. But I now had a son that was half-black and part of me and I loved him.

I cringe when people say that they believe in abortion except when rape is involved. While I am not religious and believe in the right to choose I am not wild about the concept of abortion and really don't understand how a child conceived in rape should be punished by being killed, as if they are less than another child conceived in love.

But I don't condemn anyone that chose a different path than I.

I really want to find my son. He would be 32, today, but I have always been afraid of the "who is my father?" question. I don't want him anywhere near the man, if he could find him. And I don't want to tell him the reason he was conceived. I just don't know how he would handle that.

So I sacrifice for him, again, just as I did so that he could have a better life. Giving up my son was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, in my life, and I have certainly not lived a charmed life.

I suppose there are drug addict moms out there that give up children and don't care but my guess is that most moms live with such a scar in their heart from handing over their baby that they barely are able to survive each day. To the lady with the adopted dad I will say this, you probably have a grandmother out there that dreams of you and your father each and every day. More than likely you are loved by her and she greives for both of you and will never stop until the day she dies.
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Old 10-05-2010, 11:22 PM
 
5,448 posts, read 3,777,716 times
Reputation: 5302
Quote:
Originally Posted by hiknapster View Post
I thank you and from the very bottom of my heart.

I don't write about this and rarely talk about it to anyone. I am all over the net and easily trackable so I am really going out on a limb here. But I feel very compelled to explain. First, my life in no way may resemble Stacie's mom's situation, but I tried to warn about the different possibilities and I found a disturbing amount of people coming up with scenarios and going on very little information.

Maybe what I say will show people, and especially adoptees and their children, that nothing is usually what it seems. When I was 15 I was raped by a man in his 30s. He was black and a counselor that worked with teens. I became pregnant. I did not want an abortion. I had no family support essentially because I was a throwaway child to begin with that had already been taken out of my home. I had the baby, intended to keep him, and did for 7 months until a social worker said it might be best for all involved if I gave him up for adoption. I just didn't have any support, was living in my own apartment and on $250 a month in welfare checks.

First, the entire incident did not make me racist. Far from it. I was raped by a sick man that happened to be black. But I now had a son that was half-black and part of me and I loved him.

I cringe when people say that they believe in abortion except when rape is involved. While I am not religious and believe in the right to choose I am not wild about the concept of abortion and really don't understand how a child conceived in rape should be punished by being killed, as if they are less than another child conceived in love.

But I don't condemn anyone that chose a different path than I.

I really want to find my son. He would be 32, today, but I have always been afraid of the "who is my father?" question. I don't want him anywhere near the man, if he could find him. And I don't want to tell him the reason he was conceived. I just don't know how he would handle that.

So I sacrifice for him, again, just as I did so that he could have a better life. Giving up my son was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, in my life, and I have certainly not lived a charmed life.

I suppose there are drug addict moms out there that give up children and don't care but my guess is that most moms live with such a scar in their heart from handing over their baby that they barely are able to survive each day. To the lady with the adopted dad I will say this, you probably have a grandmother out there that dreams of you and your father each and every day. More than likely you are loved by her and she greives for both of you and will never stop until the day she dies.
I have always had deep respect for people who give children up for adoption in order to give the child the best life possible, I know they love their children and giving a child up has to be the hardest thing anyone can do. You made a selfless choice to give your child a better life than you could provide at the time, you put the child first, that's an act of love. I think your son would appreciate that. Maybe you could contact a counselor familiar with adoption and rape to discuss finding your son since he is an adult now, and might want that option.

People who are close to adoption in one or another are going to have personal reactions to Stacie's story line, that's inevitable, but with something as serious as this we should try to remember that there are people involved like Stacie's birth mother who didn't choose to put this on TV, I question why Stacie is putting this on the show, I doubt she asked her birth mother/family how she felt about it.

There is a show on MTV called "teen mom" and it shows a teenage couple who gave their child up for adoption, they made their one important parental decision, it was to give their daughter a stable loving home because they knew they couldn't provide that. They are fortunate that they have some connection to the child with an open adoption, but you can see their heartbreak, they deeply love and want their child, but know adoption was right. When you see some of the other teen mothers with lives in turmoil, it's clear that they made the mature decision. They will be fantastic parents in the future, because they know to put the child first no matter how difficult that may be.

I am by no means insulting the parental role of the adoptive parents by acknowledging that birth parents love their children. When someone adopts a child it's the same as someone who gives birth and then raises a child, they are the child's parent, they are there for every up and down, wanting a relationship with birth parents doesn't change that.

Last edited by detshen; 10-05-2010 at 11:45 PM..
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Old 10-06-2010, 06:10 PM
 
Location: Everywhere you want to be
2,106 posts, read 1,528,040 times
Reputation: 963
Quote:
Originally Posted by hiknapster View Post
I thank you and from the very bottom of my heart.

I don't write about this and rarely talk about it to anyone. I am all over the net and easily trackable so I am really going out on a limb here. But I feel very compelled to explain. First, my life in no way may resemble Stacie's mom's situation, but I tried to warn about the different possibilities and I found a disturbing amount of people coming up with scenarios and going on very little information.

Maybe what I say will show people, and especially adoptees and their children, that nothing is usually what it seems. When I was 15 I was raped by a man in his 30s. He was black and a counselor that worked with teens. I became pregnant. I did not want an abortion. I had no family support essentially because I was a throwaway child to begin with that had already been taken out of my home. I had the baby, intended to keep him, and did for 7 months until a social worker said it might be best for all involved if I gave him up for adoption. I just didn't have any support, was living in my own apartment and on $250 a month in welfare checks.

First, the entire incident did not make me racist. Far from it. I was raped by a sick man that happened to be black. But I now had a son that was half-black and part of me and I loved him.

I cringe when people say that they believe in abortion except when rape is involved. While I am not religious and believe in the right to choose I am not wild about the concept of abortion and really don't understand how a child conceived in rape should be punished by being killed, as if they are less than another child conceived in love.

But I don't condemn anyone that chose a different path than I.

I really want to find my son. He would be 32, today, but I have always been afraid of the "who is my father?" question. I don't want him anywhere near the man, if he could find him. And I don't want to tell him the reason he was conceived. I just don't know how he would handle that.

So I sacrifice for him, again, just as I did so that he could have a better life. Giving up my son was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, in my life, and I have certainly not lived a charmed life.

I suppose there are drug addict moms out there that give up children and don't care but my guess is that most moms live with such a scar in their heart from handing over their baby that they barely are able to survive each day. To the lady with the adopted dad I will say this, you probably have a grandmother out there that dreams of you and your father each and every day. More than likely you are loved by her and she greives for both of you and will never stop until the day she dies.
Wow...God Bless you hiknapster for being so candid and sharing your life here with us. Yes, there are some here who are extremely insensitive about their "convictions" when it comes to the topic of race and adoption as discussed on the show. But then again that speaks volumes about those individuals. Once again blessings upon you for opening up like that
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Old 10-07-2010, 02:15 AM
 
Location: Deane Hill, Knoxville, Tennessee
21,626 posts, read 30,667,946 times
Reputation: 11691
Quote:
Originally Posted by chica_bella813 View Post
Wow...God Bless you hiknapster for being so candid and sharing your life here with us. Yes, there are some here who are extremely insensitive about their "convictions" when it comes to the topic of race and adoption as discussed on the show. But then again that speaks volumes about those individuals. Once again blessings upon you for opening up like that
I really appreciate the kind words. Those were earth-shattering dealings for a young girl to shoulder and I never received any positive feedback from anyone. In fact, being so alone, I didn't receive any feedback of any kind, then or since. All of your words have truly helped me heal.

I often wonder if knowing what I know now I would have been so noble if I had a second chance to make such harrowing decisions. However, the love for my child has always stayed steadfast.

Now, moving along, I can't wait for this season to finally be over. I enjoyed reading the Washington Post column regarding last week's episode. They seem to be picking up on a lot of things that we are and are more entertaining than the actual show.

When did she get the invitation? At first, through a phone call, Michaele says. "I want to see that invitation," says Peggy. "Do you have it?" Sure, says Michaele -- and heads out to the limo.

This is when things get weird. Michaele's earnest rooting through the car in search of a (non-existent) paper invitation is a bizarre sight for those who have followed this story closely. (Not only did the White House deny inviting the couple; emails that the Salahis' own legal team released after the state dinner scandal erupted show that the couple knew they had no formal printed invitation. Up until a day or so before the event, they had pestered a Pentagon official to help them get in, and the official gave them mixed signals about their prospects -- but ultimately a sorry-but-no... and then, they told her in an email, they headed on over the White House just "in case." What happened at the gates of the White House remains a baffling lapse of security. But their own records suggest they did not have a formal invitation and knew they did not.)


Reliable Source - "I want to see that invitation": D.C. 'Housewives' recap and fact-check (#8, Oct. 1)

I will never understand the pathological lying enigma that is Michaele. I mean, even her name is made up.
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Old 10-07-2010, 05:38 AM
 
Location: Franklin
3,863 posts, read 6,751,304 times
Reputation: 2820
Hiknapster-

I have long been impressed by the way you treat others here. No matter the subject, we can count on you for a fair post that states your opinion without attacking anyone who disagrees. You don't put up with bullying, and I love you for that. You've supported many a newcomer on your local forum, and earned the respect of many there.

I'm stunned by your brave post here, and just had to say something. Among us TN posters, you're known as a devoted mom. I have to wonder where you learned to be such a loving, compassionate person, given your harsh childhood.

You're amazing, and I'm glad you're here. You definitely bring substance (and often humor) to the conversation, and we always need both.

Thank you.
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Old 10-07-2010, 11:41 AM
 
4,502 posts, read 7,711,437 times
Reputation: 3919
Quote:
Originally Posted by hiknapster View Post
I will never understand the pathological lying enigma that is Michaele. I mean, even her name is made up.
I don't understand it, either. I mean how can she look people in the face knowing that all she and Tarq do is lie, fabricate, etc. These 2 are too much!!!!! I think I read here that their polo club is filing for bankruptcy as well. And what ever happened with the so-called "fbi investigation" of the car being stolen and the other woman's (Cat?) daughter supposedly being involved???? I mean, if you have a car that is worth so much money, wouldn't you have LoJack on it???? And the FBI doesn't investigate auto theft.

The two of them never cease to amaze me!
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Old 10-07-2010, 02:23 PM
 
Location: The Big D
14,874 posts, read 22,692,730 times
Reputation: 5787
Quote:
Originally Posted by hiknapster View Post
I don't write about this and rarely talk about it to anyone.




So touching and real. I'm not sure I could ever give up a child I carried for 9 months and then gave birth to. Thank the good Lord I've never had to deal w/ such a heavy decision. It is not an easy one to make. I know of a couple that has been trying to adopt for many years and each time they were close and the baby was due the mother would back out and decide to keep it. The emotional roller coaster got too much for them so they stopped pursuing adoption about a year or so ago. Every time I hear of a baby being abused in the news I just think of this wonderful couple and the chance some baby would have had with them to have a full and wonderful life free of abuse. To give one up though.......... a very tough and heart wrenching decision that is very personal.

My dad also falls into the same camp as Stacie in that his birth mother is white but his birth father is not. We do not know exactly what race or ethnicity his birth father is at all but it is not black. Everytime I hear someone say that brown eyes are predominent and if one parent has them then the baby is most likely to have brown eyes I just laugh. My dad has dark brown eyes, dark black hair, if he is in the sun he gets VERY dark instantly.......... but somehow my sister and I both got our mothers green eyes, fair freckled skin and light colored hair with my sis being light blonde. This is why I just love those forms that ask for ones ethnicity......... can I check all of them as I do not see "Heinz 57" on there, lol. Going to Mexico w/ my dad is always a fun experience as most automatically assume he speaks fluent Spanish and he can't speak a lick. My dad was actually told that his birth father was Middle Eastern but even that is not a safe bet as everything about his adoption he was told has not been accurate. I'll say that my dad was very thankful for his adoptive parents. The day my grandmother passed away was AWFUL! My dad did not work and hardly moved for weeks and I don't think he stoppped crying for weeks if not months.

I'm so sorry that you did not have anyone supportive of you before, during or after that time.


Quote:
Originally Posted by hiknapster View Post

I will never understand the pathological lying enigma that is Michaele. I mean, even her name is made up.
She has literally gotten herself into the position that she has to keep telling lies to cover up for all of the other lies she has told, or been told by that creep-o husband of hers.

I'll never understand why one needs to make up a name for themselves like that. What is she running from.
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Old 10-07-2010, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Inman Park (Atlanta, GA)
19,548 posts, read 7,773,736 times
Reputation: 10242
Quote:
Originally Posted by hiknapster View Post
I don't write about this and rarely talk about it to anyone. I am all over the net and easily trackable so I am really going out on a limb here.
You are so brave to share your story. Thank you......
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Old 10-07-2010, 02:48 PM
 
Location: Inman Park (Atlanta, GA)
19,548 posts, read 7,773,736 times
Reputation: 10242
Announcement: Salami Sale

Sale of signed Salahi photos fetches just 2 buyers - Yahoo! News (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20101007/ap_on_en_tv/us_gate_crashers - broken link)
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