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I am a 34 year old doctor, single with no kids and never been married. Born and raised in PR.
In 2013, after medical training in the US, I decided to give PR a try. After 3-4 months, even though my family was close and was making good money, I disliked the quality of life in PR and missed my life in the US so got an interview in the US and signed a 1 year contract that started this September and ends September 2015. The contract automatically renews.
Seven months prior to my start date I met this girl and started dating her knowing that I was going to leave. I had no expectations, but she turned out to be someone very special and I now think she is the one for me. She is 33 years old, never been married, no kids and educated. I've never had this feeling before(that's why I'm 34 and single, haha)
Before my departure from PR, we decided to start a long distance relationship with plans to move together once my 1 year contract ended. She wants to do a post-doctorate in psychology in the US so I agreed to follow her anywhere in the states where she would get accepted.
Two weeks into September, I get a call from her saying she is pregnant. I freaked out a bit, but over the next couple of days/weeks I got very happy. I always wanted kids, but never saw it that close in my life. Since it was with her and not some random girl, I was grateful and happy.
At 9 weeks pregnant, I came to PR for her follow up OB appointment and found out the fetus had no heart sounds. She underwent an abortion. This is her second miscarriage in her life and she is 33 years old.
This put things into perspective. I want to be a dad and at our age, the time is now. I want to get married with this girl and eventually have kids. We talked about this and she is willing to put her studies on hold to start a family. The problem is she would prefer to be in PR during her pregnancy and early baby life because of the help her and my family can provide. She is not into the nanny thing and doesn't want to stay at home taking care of the baby all day.
She says she is willing to move to the states in a couple of years.
So, what should I do? Go back to PR next year even if I didn't like it so I can be with her and start a family? Should I just tell her to apply for her post-doc and put having kids on hold despite our age and her history of 2 misscarriages? She would be ok with this, but I am worried that if we wait 2-3 years to have kids(she would be 36-37) it will be risky.
Going back to PR makes me very anxious, especially since I just left because I didn't like it.
People do a multitude of things for love. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. Sad but true. If you don't give it a shot, you'll most likely regret it and always wonder, so I say go for it.
As far as being a father, please allow me to opine from here. My first daughter is a wonderful 25 year old behavioral therapist for children with disabilities. She is a graduate of the University of Alabama. My 22 year old son is a recent graduate from the University of South Florida with a major in computer engineering/business. My 14 year old daughter is an advanced placement student in her freshman year of high school. The last one is a boy, he is 8 years old and a very advanced student in the third grade.
All of these children are wonderful caring people and behave as you would hope they would (well, for the most part). Fantastic group of young people and I am very blessed to have them in my life.
*Only the last one is biologically mine but that has no impact on how I feel about them. I guess what I'm saying is have you two considered adopting? Given the potential health risk, I would consider it. I did and couldn't have been given any greater of a gift than what I have now.
Something to ponder...good luck with your decision.
I am a 34 year old doctor, single with no kids and never been married. Born and raised in PR.
In 2013, after medical training in the US, I decided to give PR a try. After 3-4 months, even though my family was close and was making good money, I disliked the quality of life in PR and missed my life in the US so got an interview in the US and signed a 1 year contract that started this September and ends September 2015. The contract automatically renews.
Seven months prior to my start date I met this girl and started dating her knowing that I was going to leave. I had no expectations, but she turned out to be someone very special and I now think she is the one for me. She is 33 years old, never been married, no kids and educated. I've never had this feeling before(that's why I'm 34 and single, haha)
Before my departure from PR, we decided to start a long distance relationship with plans to move together once my 1 year contract ended. She wants to do a post-doctorate in psychology in the US so I agreed to follow her anywhere in the states where she would get accepted.
Two weeks into September, I get a call from her saying she is pregnant. I freaked out a bit, but over the next couple of days/weeks I got very happy. I always wanted kids, but never saw it that close in my life. Since it was with her and not some random girl, I was grateful and happy.
At 9 weeks pregnant, I came to PR for her follow up OB appointment and found out the fetus had no heart sounds. She underwent an abortion. This is her second miscarriage in her life and she is 33 years old.
This put things into perspective. I want to be a dad and at our age, the time is now. I want to get married with this girl and eventually have kids. We talked about this and she is willing to put her studies on hold to start a family. The problem is she would prefer to be in PR during her pregnancy and early baby life because of the help her and my family can provide. She is not into the nanny thing and doesn't want to stay at home taking care of the baby all day.
She says she is willing to move to the states in a couple of years.
So, what should I do? Go back to PR next year even if I didn't like it so I can be with her and start a family? Should I just tell her to apply for her post-doc and put having kids on hold despite our age and her history of 2 misscarriages? She would be ok with this, but I am worried that if we wait 2-3 years to have kids(she would be 36-37) it will be risky.
Going back to PR makes me very anxious, especially since I just left because I didn't like it.
What do you guys thinks?
Tell her to apply for her post-doc, and put having kids on hold. Today, women have children way past their 40's. In this way, she completes her education, and you buy time to get to know her better. Chances are that once she has children in Puerto Rico, it is going to be a long time, before she decides to leave P.R. Grandparents have a lot of influence in their grandchildren's life, and I am sure that she is not going to like taking the kids away from them.....
However, if you return to P.R., you are going to feel miserable, most of the time, and that is going to create other problems for you, in your daily life with her, in your job, etc. Maybe, once she is in the USA, she will adjust, and not want to return to P.R., after all. Give it a try......Good-luck.
By the way, you do not have to give me your address, but what state are you residing now?
Puerto Rico is not for everybody. And lastly, if she cannot have a full pregnancy, she can always have children via surrogate, or adopt......
anything is possible with the love of a good woman.
^^This. Also, as an MD you know that a women's fertility diminishes exponentially in her 30's, and she has already had difficulty in bringing pregnancy to term. Parenting by surrogacy or adoption are not for everyone.
When you are happy in your personal life, other issues become more tolerable, IMHO.
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Fantastic group of young people and I am very blessed to have them in my life.
