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Old 09-29-2017, 05:46 PM
 
Location: Gulf Coast
1,256 posts, read 464,739 times
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Originally Posted by KaraG View Post
We thought bringing her into our nice, healthy family would help, it hasn't. She is smart and as sweet as sugar on one side and will steal from you when your back is turned to bribe someone else with your things. She manipulates, lies, hurts others, hurts herself. She's a runner and an accuser. She has tried to poison the dogs. She'll threaten suicide and has been hospitalized for that. She's been through many psychiatrists, therapists and medications. She feels no guilt or shame. She will use her former life to get pity and attention from others. RAD is a lot about controlling others and being the center of attention, good or bad.
She is a textbook case. They will do the stupidest, most nonsensical things, just so they can be in control and not have to obey authority. I think the foster care system helps to breed RAD. The kids often get spoiled and coddled in the system, given whatever they want, in an attempt to "make up for" the bad things that happened in the child's life. There are no enforced behavioral boundaries or consequences in foster homes. Then they are plunked down in an adoptive home with rules and structure where the kid can no longer call the shots and get their way. It's a nightmare. The foster care system as we know it is broken, families hands are tied. RAD diagnoses are hidden in order to facilitate a smooth adoption. In our case, a lot of information pertaining to the toddlers medical history was withheld from us. Fortunately, having raised five children, I knew something was terribly wrong and did my homework. Very bad food issues, terrible moodiness, grumpiness, sullen disposition, crying all the time over the slightest things (a two-three year old who never smiles is NOT normal), vacant eyes - like she was a mere shell of a person, developmentally delayed, potty accidents on purpose as a form of temper tantrum ... the tantrums were RAGE filled (shaking, screaming, looking like she wanted to kill someone, very, very scary anger for one so young), and an absolute REFUSAL to obey. Her problems were enormous and nothing I was prepared for ... I knew adoption would mean a lifetime of suffering for our family.

When you have Damien:Omen living in your house, the how's and why's don't matter all that much.

Last edited by SouthernProper; 09-29-2017 at 06:33 PM..
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Old 09-30-2017, 08:38 AM
 
5,170 posts, read 2,994,994 times
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Originally Posted by SouthernProper View Post


When you have Damien:Omen living in your house, the how's and why's don't matter all that much.
That is so very true. These kids need a team of behavioral specialists hands-on, 24-7. It's incredible the amount of energy they have to invest in negative behaviors.

I wish I knew the solution. It would be nearly impossible for an average family to practice the kind of discipline - emotional and physical that they require. Some of the techniques designed to help (tough love-type things) appear so cruel and counterintuitive to people that they don't have the emotional will to do them. And even so, there's no guarantee. There's always that fear that one may be adding to the harm.

This is a familiar "success story." https://youtu.be/VDVaiwzU8yc The child went on to adulthood and to work with other wounded children.

The story is only halfway written so far and I watch with interest and hope that she can continue with her healing and positive direction.
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