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Originally Posted by Cruithne
OK well you are really asking my to lay it on the line here so here are some examples:
During the last presidential election I was really interested in finding out about the politics but I found people very wary about talking about their own personal views on this. I very straightforwardly said to a few 'friends' that I thought Obama was fabulous but that I liked a few things Mitt Romney said too. I was just being honest. I was looking for a friendly conversation and frankly an education about American politics but everyone made very clear by their body language and response that they didn't want to talk about it at all.
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Well, there is an old saying in the U.S. ... "Never talk about politics or religion."
However, that doesn't mean all people abide by it. My friends and family do talk about politics and we don't agree with each other. I'm not sure why you got that reaction because your questions sounded very general.
That said, most people don't like to get into it if they
know the person has opposite views because they're afraid it will lead to a passionate disagreement ending in bad feelings. The last several years have been very tense because many people feel the country is going to hell in a hand basket, so a lot was riding on the last election.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruithne
Another big one is religion. I made what I thought was a very good friend here in the first six months. She is a Christian and would tell me about things going on in church etc and I'd listen with interest / amusement, whatever. I didn't think anything about it but it was a good few months into the friendship that I mentioned in passing one day that I was an atheist. I have never had problems with this back home so I didn't even think about it as an issue. Big mistake. From then on I got a completely different attitude with constant digs about how god did this and god did that and how we should be thankful to god etc - basically stuff that had never been said in that way before, plus a decided 'cold' turn to the relationship. When I told my husband he said: "What?? You never talk about religion in America".... Huh?? 
Ok so politics and religion I admit are biggies and perhaps I was naive and should have known better. But the point is I have never felt back home that either are topics that should not be talked about. |
The only thing that surprises me about your friend's reaction is that it happened in California. If it happened in the southeast, there would be no surprise at all.
Yeah, it's a very Christian country and I think a lot of atheists and agnostics are very careful who they talk to about their lack of belief. There are even Meet Up groups for them, probably because they need others to talk to. LOL. There is starting to be a shift and the atheist/agnostic camp is growing in the U.S., especially among younger people. But it's not like Europe ... yet.
Your friend's "cold" treatment of you is annoying, but I've seen it before. She thinks you are going to hell and wants to prevent it, and she most likely believes that anyone who isn't a Christian automatically can't have morals. You wouldn't believe how many Christians are convinced that the only reason to be good is the threat of hell.
Sorry that happened to you. I hate stuff like that too. You get more or less of that reaction depending on where you live. But as I said, that's an unusual reaction in California - especially the Bay area.
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Originally Posted by Cruithne
Crime seems to be another issue that is off the table with some people. They just don't want to know. We have a big crime issue here where I live which is a big concern of mine but I have real difficultly trying to get anyone to talk about it. I can't work out if they are in denial and don't want to know or they are embarrassed about talking about it to someone from outside America. I really don't know. I have given up trying to bring the subject up. For example I was shocked about a child that was shot in my neighbourhood but when I tried to talk about it at the school gates a few mothers told me they never watch the news and changed the subject.
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Hmmm. That sounds like the luck of the draw. Some people do pride themselves on not watching the news because it's too negative and they don't want it to affect them. But this isn't universal at all. You could have just as easily fallen in with people that do want to talk about it. I'd say you are looking at denial.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruithne
My husband has both been praised at work for his 'straightforwardness', and chided about it. He has been told by some that he is a breath of fresh air because he talks openly about topics that others seem afraid to bring up - management issues - you know the kind of thing that can fester if you don't clear the air. He just gets things sorted out. But he has also been chastised for referring to women as 'girls' as it is apparently not appropriate? He has also found that he has to be much more careful about what he says.
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Not surprised someone said something about referring to women as "girls". Over decades, there have been endless articles written about the indignity of calling women "girls". It used to be common.
The main issue is that in the workplace, men are called "men", so why aren't women called "women"? The feeling is that calling them "girls" takes away their status as grownups. It's seen as slighting their dignity and equality. If the men were called "boys" at work, they wouldn't like it.
It's part feminism and part political correctness, but this one is a biggie. There is no way you could have known this though.
Because I deal with business people in the U.K., I have read a lot about the differences. I saw an advice web site for Brits doing business in America that made it a point to advise them to expect to see more women in positions with clout and power here. I don't know what to make of that, except that it implies that women are not as often in those positions in the U.K.
I have no idea.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruithne
I am told though by a couple of former New Yorkers I since got to know that this sort of behaviour is strictly a west coast thing and that they have had similar experiences themselves. New Yorkers / east coasters are apparently far more like Brits - not afraid to talk about anything. I don't think of myself as particularly harsh or brash - I've never been one to go steaming in there with forthright opinions to people I don't know. But I have never had the experience of topics being 'off the table' with people who I think of as friends. Hence I have made better friends with the New Yorkers.
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People in the northeast are known for bluntness and telling it like it is.
If you run into trouble, just explain that you're British and such conversations are normal there. Maybe it will open up their world a little. At least, it gets you off the hook. Americans get into trouble in the U.K. too. I don't know how anyone can avoid getting into trouble if they're in another country long enough.
Heck, I do business with Brits only over the phone, and I can tell you there are different expectations about how things get done. I imagine living there as an American doing business would present more minefields.
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