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As a start, i would like to point out this is not a reflection on all teenagers that move and this is my story and only my story. If you're scared how your teenager will react to moving then talk to them.
To start off with, I was born in Scotland. I, then, moved around Wales and England. I can't remember these years and so haven't affected me much except for my accent.
I spent 8-9 years in England, Worcester. While (To be honest) i did not exactly love it there, i had very close friends who i love to pieces, when to a school that i didn't hate and was generally a happy kinda kid.
(Well, as happy as a 13 year old is.)
I was moved to Ireland when i was 13. At first, i was sorta positive about it - AKA i didn't complain. This was mostly because i knew it was the best for my family (we were moving because my dad lost his job and had gained one in Ireland) and my dad hated England.
This, for one, started to suck pretty fast.
Due to my extremely English accent, i was first of all a complete outcast. My brother, father and mother have heavy Scottish accents, leaving me with the only english. This means that (while i sound English) i have to explain to everyone that asks that i'm in fact Scottish. It didn't help that i've never felt Scottish in my life. After being around friends i've known since primary school, my personality was very well developed. I learnt pretty fast that my personality did not fit in with any of the personalities in Ireland. I was, shall we say, too English.
This whole english thing is coming up alot and for a good reason. Ireland is undoubtly racist towards the English. I have grown up in a Scottish family so i was used to it but i had never had it directed towards me. I don;t think a day has gone past in the last 3 and a half years in which i wasnt reminded or insulted about 'not being from around here'. Trust me, it gets old.
The first years were extremely difficult. I didn't want to tell my parents how i was feeling because i knew it would hurt them. I have an awful habbit of trying to proect my parents from things. I had awful eating (Borderline disordered) from before i left Worcester and a family history of mental health issues. It wasn't too out of the blue when i developed anorexia and then bulimia for close to three years. When my parents found out, they were in pieces. Though i did get help for it, i still felt that i wasn't exactly supported. (This mostly because i was still trying to protect my parents.)
I would like to point out that these are my experiences and no one elses. Mostly likely, your child does not have my personality or my thinking. This is a very unlikely think to happen.
This year, however, has been worse still. While trying to pretend that i was over my eating disorder while struggling with exams, i also had to watch my friends in England move to College (I guess in America thats Senior cycle? Im not too sure.) and make new friends. I also watched them go to parties without me and generally move on. It wa shurtful to say the least. Also, in an effort to get out of Ireland as quickly as possible, i decided to skip a year of school. I am now in a new year group with only one friend who came up with me from my old year group. She has a quirky sense of humour. A quirk sense of humour that enjoys making fun of me. If i was that way inclide, i would blame my parents for putting me in an all-girls school when i get on much better with boys. But i don't blame them or anyone else, life just sometimes is unfair and that's it.
Its Christmas eve and i'm meant to go back to visit Worcester for 11 days on Boxing day. (The 26th =]) Its been planned for months, since June i believe. I always kinda knew that my dad didn't want me to go but, selfishly, i didn't say anything because i wanted to visit my boyfriend, meet his (Extended) family and see all ym close friends over Christmas. If im honest, im looking forward to it more than Christmas day. But being that its christmas and my dad is extremely jetlagged, everything got on top of him and he ended up shout at me about it. Afterwards he explained he doesn't like my boyfriend, thinks christmas is for family only and i shoudn't go, thinks after 3 years i should have settled in Ireland and think of it as home inseatd of Worcester. While i do see these points very clearly through his eyes, they upsetted me.
So now i don'Hot know how to explian to him i hate Ireland with a passion, woulf kill to move to England again and that the plan is that i'm staying at boyfriends for the 11 days because he is picking me up and dropping me back off at the airport.
Im at a total loss and would really love some help because this means so much to me and i feel like its all my fault. I feel like ive ruined christmas and ive dissapointed all my family.
So. Help?
(Im very sorry for spelling mistakes and for most probably sounding extremely immature but it's hard to type while crying xD)
As a start, i would like to point out this is not a reflection on all teenagers that move and this is my story and only my story. If you're scared how your teenager will react to moving then talk to them.
To start off with, I was born in Scotland. I, then, moved around Wales and England. I can't remember these years and so haven't affected me much except for my accent.
I spent 8-9 years in England, Worcester. While (To be honest) i did not exactly love it there, i had very close friends who i love to pieces, when to a school that i didn't hate and was generally a happy kinda kid.
(Well, as happy as a 13 year old is.)
I was moved to Ireland when i was 13. At first, i was sorta positive about it - AKA i didn't complain. This was mostly because i knew it was the best for my family (we were moving because my dad lost his job and had gained one in Ireland) and my dad hated England.
This, for one, started to suck pretty fast.
Due to my extremely English accent, i was first of all a complete outcast. My brother, father and mother have heavy Scottish accents, leaving me with the only english. This means that (while i sound English) i have to explain to everyone that asks that i'm in fact Scottish. It didn't help that i've never felt Scottish in my life. After being around friends i've known since primary school, my personality was very well developed. I learnt pretty fast that my personality did not fit in with any of the personalities in Ireland. I was, shall we say, too English.
This whole english thing is coming up alot and for a good reason. Ireland is undoubtly racist towards the English. I have grown up in a Scottish family so i was used to it but i had never had it directed towards me. I don;t think a day has gone past in the last 3 and a half years in which i wasnt reminded or insulted about 'not being from around here'. Trust me, it gets old.
The first years were extremely difficult. I didn't want to tell my parents how i was feeling because i knew it would hurt them. I have an awful habbit of trying to proect my parents from things. I had awful eating (Borderline disordered) from before i left Worcester and a family history of mental health issues. It wasn't too out of the blue when i developed anorexia and then bulimia for close to three years. When my parents found out, they were in pieces. Though i did get help for it, i still felt that i wasn't exactly supported. (This mostly because i was still trying to protect my parents.)
I would like to point out that these are my experiences and no one elses. Mostly likely, your child does not have my personality or my thinking. This is a very unlikely think to happen.
This year, however, has been worse still. While trying to pretend that i was over my eating disorder while struggling with exams, i also had to watch my friends in England move to College (I guess in America thats Senior cycle? Im not too sure.) and make new friends. I also watched them go to parties without me and generally move on. It wa shurtful to say the least. Also, in an effort to get out of Ireland as quickly as possible, i decided to skip a year of school. I am now in a new year group with only one friend who came up with me from my old year group. She has a quirky sense of humour. A quirk sense of humour that enjoys making fun of me. If i was that way inclide, i would blame my parents for putting me in an all-girls school when i get on much better with boys. But i don't blame them or anyone else, life just sometimes is unfair and that's it.
Its Christmas eve and i'm meant to go back to visit Worcester for 11 days on Boxing day. (The 26th =]) Its been planned for months, since June i believe. I always kinda knew that my dad didn't want me to go but, selfishly, i didn't say anything because i wanted to visit my boyfriend, meet his (Extended) family and see all ym close friends over Christmas. If im honest, im looking forward to it more than Christmas day. But being that its christmas and my dad is extremely jetlagged, everything got on top of him and he ended up shout at me about it. Afterwards he explained he doesn't like my boyfriend, thinks christmas is for family only and i shoudn't go, thinks after 3 years i should have settled in Ireland and think of it as home inseatd of Worcester. While i do see these points very clearly through his eyes, they upsetted me.
So now i don'Hot know how to explian to him i hate Ireland with a passion, woulf kill to move to England again and that the plan is that i'm staying at boyfriends for the 11 days because he is picking me up and dropping me back off at the airport.
Im at a total loss and would really love some help because this means so much to me and i feel like its all my fault. I feel like ive ruined christmas and ive dissapointed all my family.
So. Help?
(Im very sorry for spelling mistakes and for most probably sounding extremely immature but it's hard to type while crying xD)
Dear Caimas,
First, Merry Christmas. And welcome to the forum.
Just a few small thoughts I'll give you.......they might not be the best, but they are free.
I do not think it is a good idea to move in with your b/f.
I remember that at 16 the whole world looked difficult. I can tell you that it passes......it DOES get better.
I would not try to protect the family....they need to know how you feel, know the truth, so they can help and support you. They can take it...they are your parents, and they want to know the truth. Boyfriends come and go.....they really do....but family is forever.
Enjoy your family today. If you go on your trip, use it to self examine yourself, and return to build even a stronger relationship with your family. They care, and want to understand.
There has to be other teens who also feel isolated.....get involved with the things you like, and hopefully others who share your same interests will develop to be good friends. You CAN bloom where you are planted....there must be others who will give you a chance if you also give them a chance.
Frank has good words for you and I agree with him. Do be honest with your family; your job as a child is not to protect the family from your feelings; it is to learn how to accept help as well as to become independent. You may not always believe it, but your family will always be there for you, to the best of their abilities - not always in the way you want them to be there, however.
At 16, boyfriends come and go. Do not look as having a bf as a means of escaping a situation - it will backfire in the long run - I say this from personal experience. Stick with what you have to do to get yourself into college, get an education and a career. Tough it out just another year.
Merry Christmas and may the new year bring you peace.
Making huge life decisions when confused and upset is not the smart thing to do. Make such decions based in reason and not emotion (which is pretty tough at 16). Sounds harsh but running off to your boyfriend at age 16 is actually an immature and selfish act if you knew how much your father would not want you to do that. That you recognize this a little bit shows some maturity. However, you are not protecting your parents by not sitting down and having an unemotional discussion about the fact that you hate Ireland, you are protecting yourself. So, you hate Ireland, so what? It is not all about you!
Today, think of the true meaning behind Christmas rather focusing on you own wants and needs. Love your family and cherish being with them during Christmas. Understand the gift given not only with the birth of Christ but of being with your family and giving to them just a smile, your presence, and your love. These Christmases are the memories you will look back upon and cherish as the decades go by and your parents are gone. I know that it is difficult to imagine when one is a teenager. Trust me that in 40 years you will understand and looking back the weight on your shoulders and burdening your heart today will seem so small. Choose to live you life with joy and optimism rather than grieving over that which you cannot control.
Do not fault your father for wanting you to spend Christmas with family and wanting to protect you from the hurt and heartache that happens to 16 yr. olds in love. He actually does know what he is saying though you will likely not be able to see this clearly for another 30 years.
Take heart in that what you are feeling is part of growing up; the drama of the teenage years will pass. Your experiences, while unique to you now, you will find are among similar challenges faced by us all.
Merry Christmas. May the gift of Christ's birth which we celebrate today open your heart to the grandness of the life we are given and the promise of things to come. Faith, have faith, you are not as alone as your may feel nor are yourproblems as unique. Where you are now your parents and grandparents have been. Hug them, hold them tightly, and know that because they survived their emotional and dramatic teenage years so you will too. Have faith for this too: your sadness and focus of the disruptions and wrongs you think have been done to you by the moves shall pass, if you'll only let it. Let your experiences make you stronger and be grateful for them for they will shield you in truly hard times.
Last edited by lifelongMOgal; 12-25-2009 at 11:22 AM..
Why do you really hate Ireland so much?
I moved when I was five years old to Ireland from Essex in England and I lived in ireland until i was eighteen. I loved living there and didn't find any racism at all.
hi. me and my gf moved here to ireland from west london in 2009 we was only ment to be here for 1yr but never have been able to come back coz we havent had the money.us moveing to ireland was the most buy far the worst thing we ever done!!! if i was you as soon as your old enuf get out it will mess your head up! when we moved here we were normal had good lives had jobs i loved my life.but then my gf mum moved here so gf missed her then followed.but now my gf suffers with panic attacks shes on aintydepressents.got no job coz cant find one.we have know friends coz the people are to diffrent for us to get on with plus thay dont want to kno any way 9 out of 10 of irish hate english, we are still here any way and the first chance we get to get out we are gone!!!!!! so if you want to stay saine ill do the same lol good luck
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