Visiting Ward tomorrow - question

[markg91359]

I feel so bad about your experience. Really. I just want you to know that it might not have anything to do with your not being LDS. About 30 years ago, my husband and I bought a home in an area we'd always wanted to live in. About two months after we moved in, he volunteered to help set up tables and chairs for a ward Christmas party. He was gone for about an hour. When he got back home, he told me that not one single solitary person who was over there doing the same thing as he was even spoke to him. We hated that place, and ended up selling the house we'd bought (at a loss) within six months, just to be able to get out.

There was a time when the ward we have been in for the last thirty years was kind of clique-ish. The bishop even spoke in Sacrament Meeting about how he'd been made aware that quite a number of the newer members felt excluded. He really came down on those who were being unfriendly. Today, my ward is very, very different. New people move in and immediately feel accepted. Anyway, I just want you to know that even for LDS people, it's hard sometimes to fit in.

I think this is an excellent point. What some non-members of the church don't realize is that many LDS people also feel excluded at times. The ward we are in is not awful, its somewhere in between "cliquey" and "friendly". However, over the years DW and I have had many experiences that I would politely term either "challenging" or "stressful". When we moved into the neighborhood, I can't remember anyone showing up to greet us. There are certain women who walk, exercise, and do other activities together. My wife has never been invited for any of that. DW doesn't care for the women's activities in our ward because of the "little groups" that have formed. She has always felt that women who are not "stay home mom's" are looked down on.

On the other hand, I've always felt comfortable in my Elder's Chorum. I've been called to hold any number of positions in the Young Men's Organization and have always felt that I was treated fairly. My son has aged out of it now, but he always loved the Young Men's Activities. The leadership we have had in the Young Men's Organization has been first rate. I literally cannot think of anyone I met I disapproved of or who I felt was condescending.

I don't completely let the Church or fellow Mormons escape responsibility though. I do believe there are some wards and some groups that are downright obnoxious. I blame leadership and I blame individuals both. If the Church were bold, rather than conservative, I think the leadership would actually conduct anonymous surveys of members. Find out what they really think about the Ward leadership. Ask if they believe their neighbors are friendly or cliquey. I suppose that imposes a pretty high standard on leadership. However, that would be a way to identify and begin solving some of these problems.