non-lds children being left out (Sandy, Lehi: house, neighborhood, elementary school)

[CarolinaGirl666]

I was relocated to Sandy, Utah due to Husband's work and am realizing after a few years that my children are being left out due to the fact that they are not LDS or "Mormon". Should I give up and try to move elsewhere? I'm concerned that it will become worse the older they get. I live in a suburbia neighborhood that revolves around the "church" and I and my children feel left out. Does anyone else have this same problem?

[mamami]

My husband just found out we are to relocate and this is my fear. Are there areas which are more diveerse or is this a problem accross the board? Where do you live? I am torn between bountiful and sandy. Any suggestions?

[Scholar]

We have been told that Park City is a great place for non-LDS. Spouse knows some non-LDS people from there, and they love it. Have you tried joining any non-LDS sponsored groups, social or religious? Meeting others that share your beliefs (or lack of belief) could help.

[oc2nyc]

I have friends that live in Sandy and yes it is predominantly LDS. I think there are other areas in Utah that are more diverse. You should be able to find a realtor that can help you find a neighborhood where you and your kids will feel more comfortable.

[rls]

We moved here a few weeks ago. We live in Cedar Hills area. Most of our neighbors are LDS, but they have been very nice to us and they know that we are not LDS. I have heard that Saratoga Springs and Travers Mountain are very diverse.

[brokencrayola]

Get out while you can! Yes, it will get worse, and yes, the older your children get the harder it will be. The Mormon parents will not allow your children to come over, have sleepovers, come to parties, and definately not date or marry until they convert. I am just grateful when we lived in Souther Idaho in a totally Mormon community that my son was very young and not in school.

[Axiom]

I have non LDS family living in Utah and they love it. Of course they have lived in the same place for 5+ years now. I really think getting established in an area before kids hit those darn teenage years is key when it comes to fitting in anywhere.

Both of my nieces have lots of friends, some LDS, some not. They have both been included in parties, on dates, etc. with LDS kids. In fact my niece was elected to a student government position at her predominantly LDS high school. Seems there was not any blatant religious discrimination there.

Of course the whole family has been asked to attend plenty of church functions in their time in Utah as well. They just pick and choose and only go to the meetings or activities that interest them, no big deal.

Granted rumour around school last year was that there was one boy who wanted to ask my niece to the prom, but his parents nix-ed it because of the religion thing. She was actually relieved since it saved her turning him down. She did end up going with another LDS boy. (must not have been a huge issue for his parents)

[john2timex]

It is an issue any unfortunately children can be cruel. I am a non-member and have lived in the state for more than 25 years. My family first moved to a small town in Southern Utah. Coming from ca. in the mid 80's I had never thought that religious discrimination was an issue in this country, until I showed up to pick up my date and her dad slammed the door in my face. There are ways to deal with it though. I am a very outgoing fun loving person and don't usually allow other peoples failings to bring me down. If someone doesn't want to hang with me it is their loss really.
This can be a hard dynamic to explain to your children when they have just gotten their feelings hurt though.
Let your children know that they are not the only ones who are dealing with this problem and that it will get better. Like many other who have gone before, they too will live through this stage of their lives and can be happy, successful, non-mormons.
Another story you can share, happened to the child of some friends of mine who lived in Mantua. This was only a few years ago. There is no school in Mantua and the children are bussed to Brigham. We are talking elementary age by the way. Because she was a non-member she was ostracized and the other children made the time on the bus hell for her. She did not deal with it well and it affected her performance at school. Her parents eventially moved into Brigham to avoid the bus ride for her but she still had trouble making friends.
If you are a Member of the LDS faith and are reading this, I know that this is not what your church teaches as appropriate behavior but it does happen and it is more prevalent than you would like to believe. I know that I am not going to cause anyone to have a life altering change in opinion from this post but everyone can make a difference. Please try to reinforce tolerance to your fellow ward members and speak up if you hear of someone not accepting others for who they are. This problem has arisen because there are not enough people with the courage to speak up when something is wrong. We are not wrong or bad because we don't share your faith. Children do not segregate due to religion unless they learn it from someone else. There are those within your own wards who are teaching this and unless you stand up to it . . it will continue.

[jhwest]

This subject really cracks me up. I have said this on these boards before, but I'll say it again. I have never in all my years here heard of a child not be included because he's not LDS. This just seems like an urban legend.
Maybe if you live in a backwards small town that might be an issue, but in the Salt Lake area there are tons of nonmembers and I can't see how a parent could forbid such a thing.
My son is in 5th grade and none of his friends is LDS (we are). I don't care as long as they are good boys. We don't do sleepovers with anyone, regardless of their religion.

[Bridget]

I am LDS and am saddened that your children have been treated this way. We just moved to Syracuse and 3 of the 4 neighbors that surround me are not LDS but my daughter can play with them as long as she wants to. She knows they do not go to the same church as us and we just tell her that they choose to attend or not attend a different church. I do not care if my daughter plays with them at my house or theirs I just keep the rules at my house the same (no swearing) and I tell my daughter that if it happens at their house she is not to tell them not to do it, she is just not supposed to. As long as my daughter likes the kids and wants to play with them she is more than welcome to. Also, with sleepovers, I know that a lot of parents are getting away from them all together or just doing late night get togethers. Whether someone is LDS or not it takes a little time for you to trust having your child at their house and vice versa. As kids get older they do tend to gravitate toward those of their religion and I think part of that is they are seeing them at least twice a week anyway, between church on Sundays and their activity night at the church during the week, that is who they are already associating with. Maybe it comes back to the example of the parents. My parents were always friends with our non-LDS neighbors and that is who we would have homemade ice cream parties with. In elementary school my best friends was not LDS but my parents knew they were good people and I was even allowed to go to Texas with them in the 4th grade for 2 weeks. They smoked in their house but I was still allowed to go over, there was never any discouragement from my parents (If we knew about 2nd hand smoke back then, it may have been a different story :-)) . I wish your kids luck and hope you can decide what is the best fit for your family. Some areas like Lehi and Sandy (especially Cranberry Hills subdivision) have a reputation. There may be an area that suits your family, and the type of interaction you want with your neighbors, better. Good Luck.