The Lowdown on us Mormons (Part 2) (Salt Lake City, Ogden: middle-class, 2015, lawyers)

[Geo-Aggie]

We have differing perspectives on the same matter. Consider it the Salt Lake Tribune and the Deseret News. One is not right and the other wrong, they simply offer two perspectives on the same subject, sometimes they offer contradictory perspectives on a subject which they view differently, but that doesn't make either paper unimportant - they simply answer the question for separate audiences and I can assure you that when I say Mormons do shun former believers, there are many people who read that and agree - just as I am sure there are many who read what you say and agree with you.

Let us not argue who is more right or try and reiterate each other's posts over top of each other. I agree with you completely that doing such will quickly send this useful thread spiraling into the proverbial outer darkness. I will respect your perspectives as your own, and request that you respect mine as such too. If I have failed at doing this in previous posts, please accept my apology, and understand I will attempt to do better. I agree that we should stop focusing on this one question and allow the thread to develop into other questions which other individuals may have.

[pikabike]

This has been an interesting thread, and heipful. Thank you for starting it.

Some boring guy, the area I grew up in was heavily Catholic, yet by adulthood I did not know a single person who went to church or "followed the rules". I always thought it was a remarkable change. It sounds as though some Mormans view people who leave as traitors, for lack of a better term. Do you think that is, in fact, how they few them? That it is impossible to simply be neutral?

[Katzpur]

Originally Posted by pikabike

This has been an interesting thread, and heipful. Thank you for starting it.

Some boring guy, the area I grew up in was heavily Catholic, yet by adulthood I did not know a single person who went to church or "followed the rules". I always thought it was a remarkable change. It sounds as though some Mormans view people who leave as traitors, for lack of a better term. Do you think that is, in fact, how they few them? That it is impossible to simply be neutral?

I know your post wasn't addressed to me, but I hope you don't mind if I contribute. Of course it's possible to be neutral! A little over a year ago, a man and woman in my ward (i.e. congregation) rather suddenly (or so it seemed to all of us) left the Church. They didn't just stop coming. Rather they official resigned their membership. Both of them held Church callings of some responsibility and were looked up to by the members of the ward. Apparently, though, they had some pressing issues (I don't know about what, specifically) that they just couldn't reconcile, and those issues were weighing on them sufficiently that they simply wanted out. To read their Facebook pages today, you would never guess that they were not still active Mormons. They're still still interacting with most of the same people they were interacting with before they left. They actually live almost right across the street from their former bishop, and I would bet my life that they are still on good terms with him. When the man's father-in-law died (this was after they left the Church), he posted this: "I will seriously miss that man. I've never met a more patient, more forgiving person in my life so far." Understand, please, that I'm merely guessing, but it doesn't sound to me as if the man who died had shunned his daughter and son-in-law over their decision to leave the Church. The thing is, this man and woman simply left. I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision for them, and it probably took a lot of courage. But they did what they felt they had to do to be true to themselves, and they did it without antagonizing everyone they knew who were still active Mormons. The way a person chooses to leave makes a huge difference in how family and friends are going to react.

[pikabike]

Thank you, Katzpur. Like so many other non-Mormons, I have heard things that stereotype Mormons as being uniformly insular. It has been good to read accounts of different experiences both supporting and countering that notion.

[some boring guy]

It's very possible to be neutral or even supportive, as with Katz's example. It's a great way to tell who your real friends are, that's for sure. But I'd say the 'shunning' happens more frequently than with other mainstream religions, which I'm sure you'd find for most other small and insular groups. Everyone's mileage may vary.

[stycotl]

Originally Posted by katz

The way a person chooses to leave makes a huge difference in how family and friends are going to react.

this has been my experience, and not just for religion, but many areas of life. we humans tend to take rejection rather poorly, especially when the rejection is of something that we tend to equate to our individual identity. someone that rejects a religion or political affiliation often faces a much harsher backlash than if they had just left a card game, because those that are left often feel it as a personal attack or invalidation of their identity.

to make matters worse, the one that leaves often does so in anger and stress, meaning that they are hostile toward the organization that they are leaving. even if they are not directly insulting toward those still in the organization, their hostility is often seen as such.

and then there are the occasions where the one leaving really is hostile toward those that remain.

but sometimes, like i mentioned at the beginning, the one that leaves will offend those that remain even if they are careful, just because people equate rejection of an identity-defining institution as rejection of one's self.

[Montygirl]

Originally Posted by Katzpur

That really, really sucks. As much as I hate to say it, your perceptions are probably indicative of some degree of aloofness.

I know kids can be mean, but I really think it's probably going to be a matter of hit or miss. When I was growing up Mormon in Salt Lake City (back when there was considerably less diversity than there is today), I remember having close friends of all religions. The subject really never even came up, and we were just all kids who liked to hang out together.

We have been here 2 years. In Salt lake county and kids never had an issue with mormon or non mormon in school. Some kids may come out with strange things and sometimes act surprised that we go out Sunday or dont go to church but this is just indicative of the Utah bubble they live in and ignorance rather than being offensive. My oldest who is now almost 12 best friend is Mormon, they hang out at hers and she hangs out here, they go back and forth for sleepovers , play in the same soccer team and are inseprabke, she is one of the only non mormons in her close friends group and yet they love her, she is first to be invited anywhere and her best friends parents know we drink yet we have a close friendship built on mutual respect. They meet on friday mornings as they have late ins to have breakfast together and have open dialogue about everything. She goes to a church volleyball club with her friend and never once has anyone made her feel uncomfortable or been pushy with religion to her.My youngest has lots of school friends mainly more non mormon than morman but that has just been the way its worked and she gets along with all in her school and class.

They are both at public schools in the Sandy area and even though we don't live ear the school they come over to us and she goes to their houses after school to hang out or they go out socailly to movies at weekends or bowling.

Home schooling is not a great idea, tbh my kids have benefited from being in a normal school here and actually opened the minds of some of their friends and given them an insight into how others live. No complaints at all for the whole 2 years we have been here.Plus even though my oldest is at the age and her friends who are 13 now where they get more involved in church activities they all still find time to hang out at every opportunity and we have been very blessed that we have always had no issues and are open about how we live. Any time i am caught up at work rarely she can go to any of her friends houses after school as can the youngest and they always offer help with stuff as do we. Just mutual respect and no one with a chip on their shoulder. Sport here dominates as much as religion tbh which is why people are strapped for time at weekends and even during the week. We have 4 nights a week of comp soccer last year which was ridiculous as actually prevented the kids hanging out with friends so not just religion gets in the way. Life here is sometimes overscheduled and then when sport takes up a whole saturday and people cant do stuff sunday it doesnt leave alot of time. We have clawed time back this year for friends and even family time by kicking comp soccer to the kerb and going back to rec for a year!! Feel better already and more time to socialise!!

[Katzpur]

Originally Posted by Montygirl

We have been here 2 years. In Salt lake county and kids never had an issue with mormon or non mormon in school. Some kids may come out with strange things and sometimes act surprised that we go out Sunday or dont go to church but this is just indicative of the Utah bubble they live in and ignorance rather than being offensive. My oldest who is now almost 12 best friend is Mormon, they hang out at hers and she hangs out here, they go back and forth for sleepovers , play in the same soccer team and are inseprabke, she is one of the only non mormons in her close friends group and yet they love her, she is first to be invited anywhere and her best friends parents know we drink yet we have a close friendship built on mutual respect. They meet on friday mornings as they have late ins to have breakfast together and have open dialogue about everything. She goes to a church volleyball club with her friend and never once has anyone made her feel uncomfortable or been pushy with religion to her.My youngest has lots of school friends mainly more non mormon than morman but that has just been the way its worked and she gets along with all in her school and class.

They are both at public schools in the Sandy area and even though we don't live ear the school they come over to us and she goes to their houses after school to hang out or they go out socailly to movies at weekends or bowling.

Home schooling is not a great idea, tbh my kids have benefited from being in a normal school here and actually opened the minds of some of their friends and given them an insight into how others live. No complaints at all for the whole 2 years we have been here.Plus even though my oldest is at the age and her friends who are 13 now where they get more involved in church activities they all still find time to hang out at every opportunity and we have been very blessed that we have always had no issues and are open about how we live. Any time i am caught up at work rarely she can go to any of her friends houses after school as can the youngest and they always offer help with stuff as do we. Just mutual respect and no one with a chip on their shoulder. Sport here dominates as much as religion tbh which is why people are strapped for time at weekends and even during the week. We have 4 nights a week of comp soccer last year which was ridiculous as actually prevented the kids hanging out with friends so not just religion gets in the way. Life here is sometimes overscheduled and then when sport takes up a whole saturday and people cant do stuff sunday it doesnt leave alot of time. We have clawed time back this year for friends and even family time by kicking comp soccer to the kerb and going back to rec for a year!! Feel better already and more time to socialise!!

Hey, it's been a long time since we've heard from you! Glad to know things are still going well with you.

[shortel]

lowdown on mormons? I didnt realise mormons condoned gay sex?i find it hallarious people down realise what "lowdown" really means.

[Katzpur]

Originally Posted by shortel

I didnt realise mormons condoned gay sex?

They don't.

i find it hallarious people down realise what "lowdown" really means.

low·down
ˈlōdoun/
informal
noun
1. the true facts or relevant information about something.

Not only do you not realize what one of the meanings of the word "lowdown" is, but you can't spell either. The word is "hilarious," not "hallarious."