Happy Valley and Depression (Layton: environment, hoa, condos)

[Aerorick]

If the winter weather in Utah was behind all the depression I'd hate to see the stats for North Dakota.

[Fate Belongstome]

I used to be LDS, but chose not to continue for my own personal reasons.

I will tell you this...there is such an expectation to be perfect. This doesn't mean that anyone is "making" them be this way...it's just one of those unspoken things. LDS women hold themselves to an impossible standard of being the perfect wife, perfect mother, with a perfect home, perfect in your church calling, wth perfect little children in tow. The Father is expected to provide for a stay-at-home wife and a lot of kids, attend to all his church responsibilities, and have time left over to help others be perfect as well.
They are supposed to give themselves and their resources to the church including monetary donations, time spent in church service, and talents and other resources.

To be honest, it's exhausting just thinking about the things that are packed into their day and the expectations they have for themselves. Most are very young, have many children, and have a scheduled packed with driving all children to lessons, daily church activities or responsibilities. It isn't just a religion, it is a lifestyle. When they are exhausted, they don't pop open a beer and relax.

I'm sure there are other factors, such as climate, but I know how it feels to want to attain perfection in every aspect of my life...and when I felt I was less than perfect, I found a bottle of anti-depressants to help me work harder at being perfect.

Just my opinion...I could be entirely off-base.

[cottonwood2420]

Originally Posted by Fate Belongstome

I used to be LDS, but chose not to continue for my own personal reasons.

I will tell you this...there is such an expectation to be perfect. This doesn't mean that anyone is "making" them be this way...it's just one of those unspoken things. LDS women hold themselves to an impossible standard of being the perfect wife, perfect mother, with a perfect home, perfect in your church calling, wth perfect little children in tow. The Father is expected to provide for a stay-at-home wife and a lot of kids, attend to all his church responsibilities, and have time left over to help others be perfect as well.
They are supposed to give themselves and their resources to the church including monetary donations, time spent in church service, and talents and other resources.

To be honest, it's exhausting just thinking about the things that are packed into their day and the expectations they have for themselves. Most are very young, have many children, and have a scheduled packed with driving all children to lessons, daily church activities or responsibilities. It isn't just a religion, it is a lifestyle. When they are exhausted, they don't pop open a beer and relax.

I'm sure there are other factors, such as climate, but I know how it feels to want to attain perfection in every aspect of my life...and when I felt I was less than perfect, I found a bottle of anti-depressants to help me work harder at being perfect.

Just my opinion...I could be entirely off-base.

That makes alot of sense.

[carlymac]

Hmm. I think some unfair assumptions are being made. Depression is a biological illness having to do with serotonin re-uptake. The predominant religion cannot "cause" depression. It's true that stress can make depression harder to deal with and may cause many to turn to a doctor for medication. ( How much medication was being prescribed is how this phenomenon was measured.) Here's my take on why Utah's use of anti-depressants might be higher...

Cold, dark winters. Only the wealthy can afford to ski so less wealthy are more likely to have to work a lot and play less. Also summers are hot and not conducive to being outdoors (unless you have money for a boat or cabin in the mountains or private pool or health or country club membership.)

Economic stress. Yes there are larger families in Utah and it's much harder to provide for them now than it used to be.

Large families that tend to stay close even after kids are married. If depression is genetically linked, then large families with depression are producing more depressed people.

Within the predominant religion there is a very strong and widespread network of care and support and friendship. So it could be that if a few people are prescribed and anti depressant, and they begin to feel better, they tell 4 friends who tell 4 more friends and the word spreads that such and such medication is the way to go. So the friends go to their doctor and get a prescription.

Generally, Utahns drink and use recreational drugs less to numb their emotional pain.

Utah has become less agricultural, people sitting around indoors more. So more people are missing out on the anti-depressant benefits of physical outdoor exercise.

[Fate Belongstome]

I agree that there are many biological factors as well as environmental factors at play with depression. That being said, emotional well-being has links to depression as well. I am not discounting someone's chemical imbalances, genetics, enviroment, exercise or lack thereof. I believe all of this contribes to our higher-than the national average anti-depressant useage. I am merely relating personal exerience that women (and men) of the predominant religion live challenging lives with high levels of personal expectation and stress.

As an LDS woman, I would have died of embarrassment to let others know that I felt inadequate - as a wife, as a new mother, as an individual, as a leader/teacher. My house was never perfect, my kids were never perfect, and I felt run ragged with the time demands I faced. When I felt overwhelmed, I felt that I couldn't tell others that I was less than perfect because they were so perfect! The most startling conversations I have had with ladies I have come to know is that they all held the belief that their friends were perfect and they couldn't come close in comparison...our own worst critics. No one told us to be perfect so I can't really explain where this expectation comes from, but it does exist.

Again, I do not believe that this is necessarily isolated to the LDS faith. But when people are under stress, many of us self-medicate, whether it be beer, wine, chocolate, pain killers, grueling exercise...whatever works for you. In the LDS faith however, the options are fairly limited. There is little time or resources generally for recreation, and drugs and alcohol are out...this leaves anti-depressants as the only religion-approved option. As was mentioned, the social networking also helps spread the word...if it works for one, they tell all their friends!

[falcon271]

Cottonwood....I think you hit it right on the button for me. I'm looking to move to southern Utah and there appears to be a lot of HOA in subdivisions with lots of rules. And a lot of cookie cutter houses that look the same. I made the same comment to a family member. We are not cookie cutter people and we shouldn't have to live a "stepford" lifestyles. Too many rules........

[drwnorth]

It's amazing how often problems of UT have the finger is pointed at LDS.

Whether depressed or have a problem with an HOA.

You bring what you bring to the table, it is what it is, that's your reality.

[carlymac]

What is HOA? Dh and I have been trying to figure this out all evening.

Sorry to "Fate" that extraneous issues caused you to leave the church. I don't think perfection is expected. I've learned to not care all too much what anyone else thinks of me. I'm sooooo far from perfect.

I'd be willing to bet that the other states with high anti-depressant usage have issues that have nothing to do with Utah's pre-dominant religion. And I know of other communities where expectations to be perfect are much higher than any in Utah. AND
Your picture of what is causing depression just doesn't add up for me.

[Chickrae]

Originally Posted by Aerorick

If the winter weather in Utah was behind all the depression I'd hate to see the stats for North Dakota.

I think the weather might have a little to do with it. My daughters still live there and have been depressed because of all the shoveling of snow.But I doubt it is the big cause for depression. I do know that Utah goes has alot of people getting prescription drugs and not sure why.

[Chickrae]

Originally Posted by carlymac

What is HOA? Dh and I have been trying to figure this out all evening.

Sorry to "Fate" that extraneous issues caused you to leave the church. I don't think perfection is expected. I've learned to not care all too much what anyone else thinks of me. I'm sooooo far from perfect.

I'd be willing to bet that the other states with high anti-depressant usage have issues that have nothing to do with Utah's pre-dominant religion. And I know of other communities where expectations to be perfect are much higher than any in Utah. AND
Your picture of what is causing depression just doesn't add up for me.

I was wondering what HOA was myself...all I ever knew it to stand for was Home owners Association.