Questions about being Non-LDS in Utah (Daniel: credit, travel, house)

[coolcats]

Here is something to ponder. My mother-in-law is about as conservative and devout in the Mormon religion as you can find. When she lived in Sandy (during my wife’s junior high years), she complained that she felt people looked down on her family because my father-in-law was a school teacher on a limited income. Many people around them were doctors, lawyers, etc. I think some of that may have been an inferiority complex and they were not looked down on as much as she believed.

But she felt isolated, much as you are saying and she was LDS. My wife also says she had a very hard time adjusting to Jr. high there – only made a couple good friends and found the school cliquish. So the friendship problems were also not religion-specific

My point being – maybe the town itself is cliquish for some reason. Or maybe there is another reason – maybe since it is an upper-middle class town, the people are busy with careers and don’t have much time for friendship. Maybe the attitude extends to their kids.

Possibly it is due to religion, as I do not discount that as a factor. But there could be a myriad of reasons you are overlooking. You are focusing on the most obvious to you and extending a blanket judgment to a whole population. I am sorry you are having a hard time though. It’s a tough problem. Come out west where we are – maybe you would find people who are more down to earth.

[mountainfaith]

Sorry, can't help ya there, cuz I don't live in Utah yet. That's why I was curious what region you were experiencing that. I thought many newbies were moving to the same area as you are. Hopefully you can find a way to link up with them somehow.

Our Relocation Specialist just had the 1st meeting w/my hubby and yesterday everything began moving along super fast from there. I'm very excited about this move! I'm planning on doing the same - getting both my kids involved in activities right off the bat. I've already found their Christian homeschool group and talked w/the leaders of that. And I've researched the city & family rec center activity programs, too. Man, there sure are tons of choices! Loving this. I especially will make sure we get them in a local church as quickly as possible, so they'll get to meet new friends of the same faith and make new bonds there, too. So, hopefully we'll find our place pretty fast.

I've recently visited there and really enjoyed it. We met a great, outgoing couple who have been there for close to 10 years now who are also non LDS. They absolutely love Utah! That was awesome news to my hubby & I. People really like them, too. So, that's cool.

And last weekend I was with some old friends who have relatives in Park City or Sandy, can't remember which. She said they've been there for about 20 yrs. and love it so much they would never leave. She said they are not LDS either. Both of those couples seem involved in the community and have really made a home of it. That's our goal for our family, too. And I know it can take time for the roots to take and for the locals to get used to you and know you're ok, just as anyone tends to do when moving to a new area, too. It seems even w/going to new churches, new subdivisions, new jobs, everybody has that time of getting to know if it's someone they'd fit with or not, since everyone has different personalities, likes and dislikes.

I sure feel for what you're going thru. That must be rough as a parent. Hopefully things turn around soon when you find just the right group of people, activities, or church youth groups for them to join. I read that volunteering is a big thing in Utah, so maybe if your family could find something in the community that interests you guys or that you're gifted at, maybe that might help. Best wishes to ya.

Originally Posted by bdsutah

Have you experienced the same?

[abnelson]

You said you're the 3rd family to move into the cul-de-sac in a short time... while it would be the "right" (and friendly) thing to do to offer to help move in, maybe everyone is just plumb wore out. Besides the muscle fatigue is the stress and frustration of finding things and getting organized in the city as well as the house. When I make friends or offer my friendship I never ask what a person's religion is. (Well, unless there is something obviously different, like their dress...and then I'm more inclined to ask where they are from.) Also - I hope I say this right because I don't mean any offense - it seems kind of common that people are more unsure of themselves around someone who is in anyway "different". Especially if they haven't grown up around diverse races or cultures. I think they are a little.... ? shy maybe. Like wondering if you speak English, or if they would insult one of your customs, or if you are what's portrayed in some movie. I know those are poor reasons. But I really hope it is only a very temporary thing! Be friendly - it's kind of hard to ignore a big friendly grin and wave for very long. (Besides, it should make them feel guilty for NOT being the friendly one!) Enjoy your new life with or without them, you sound like the type who WILL make friends!

[NYtoVT]

What takes only a millisecond to give but lasts a lifetime ?





A smile

[Calibelle]

I am LDS, grew up in California, and also lived in Utah for 4 1/2 years. Growing up outside of Utah, if my parents had some rule about me not playing at people's houses who have coffee, cigarettes, or liquor, I would have had NO friends. My best friend in the whole world is Catholic. Her parents repect, and know my beliefs, and what I drink and don't drink. It is all about understanding, and respecting every family/person as individuals. My non-LDS friends have no issues with me not drinking coffee, liquor, or smoking, just as I have no problem with the fact that they do.

I think it is stupid not to allow your kids to play with another child based on religion, coffee, beer, whatever. As long as I have had a chat with the parents, the home is a loving, calm, family centered home, I don't mind my children playing over there. My children know that different people do different things. Their fraternal grandparents are not LDS, my husband is the only member in his family. When my husbands friends/family come to visit, they drink in our home. That is how it is. Our kids are taught differently, that we don't take certain things into our body, but they know not to make comments to people that do.

On a visit to Utah a few years back, my niece was told off by another little girl, for wearing a 2 piece bathing suit while they were running through the front yard sprinklers. It really bothered me. Children should be taught that just because they have certain rules at home, doesn't mean that they need to comment on other children who don't have the same rules.

I used to waitress in Provo. There was a group I was waiting on, and one of the young men said to me, " Didn't you know the prophet said you are only supposed to have one earring in each ear?"
I was really offended. I said, "Actually I am catholic."
He was really embarrassed after that. I am actually LDS, but I said that just to make him feel stupid, and maybe he would realize that not EVERYONE in Utah is LDS. That is one thing that really bugged me about living there. In no other state, would you ever get a comment like that from another person. The reason? You don't automatically assume that everyone is LDS when you are living in another state.

We are actually considering moving to the Salt Lake area, but this kind of discussion is exactly the thing that drives us crazy about the area. People get accustomed in Utah, that the majority of people are LDS. Out of state, you walk through the mall or something, and you find yourself probably one of the only LDS people there. In Utah, you walk through the mall, and you are part of a majority. It is easy to forget that there are people who may not believe as you do. We love the beauty that Utah has to offer, and the fact that the church has a good presence there. But we like diversity, and we appreciate everyone individually. It is good for children to experience life, where they are a minority in some shape or form. That is why we may just forget moving to Utah, and raise our children elsewhere. We are hoping that our upcoming visit to some of the Salt Lake City suburbs, will go well, and we will find an accepting and diverse attitude.

The fact that someone may not follow the LDS guidelines as strictly, or is not LDS, makes no difference to us, so long as the home is free from abuse, and is a positive environment for our kids.
If you make such strict rules for your children, like they can't go to someones house if they drink coffee, liquor, or smoke cigarettes, then I believe they will be more likely to experiment with those things behind your back. Being overly cautious, and sheltering your children from the real world, is going to do more harm then good, in the end.

I am truely sorry to all NON-LDS who have ever felt discriminated against by an LDS person. I myself have experienced this while I was living in Utah Valley, and I AM LDS. I love the State of Utah, and the mountains, and we are hoping that the Salt Lake attitude will be better than the Utah Valley attitude I experienced during my 4 1/2 years there.

[sdmlions]

Are there any areas of the state which are more/less LDS dominant? Also, are there parts where you may feel welcome/less welcome for being non-LDS?

[sofam]

Originally Posted by sdmlions

Are there any areas of the state which are more/less LDS dominant? Also, are there parts where you may feel welcome/less welcome for being non-LDS?

Keeping in mind that this is Utah, the diverse areas IMO are Park City, Salt Lake City, areas near Hill Field, Price, Moab and to a lesser extent St. George. With my job, I have been all over the state for differing periods of time and have always felt welcome everywhere.

[shanenlori]

I live in Clearfield, not to far away from Hill Field Air force base. I think it is a fairly diverse area because of the military presence. I also believe that the amount of growth up in Davis county has brought in many people from all over the country. There are alot of people I have met in my neighborhood that have moved from other states (both LDS and Non-LDS). I have to agree with Calibelle that being an LDS person outside of Utah is very different that of a "Utah mormon". I lived for 11 years in another state and we started our family away from the large LDS population. If my children wanted friends they played with whom ever was available. (Kids tend to see each other as "kids" not a religion). I am so greatful to have had the experience of living outside of Utah for the opportunity to base my relationships with others on human issues, not if they go to church. My feeling is that the others have had similar experiences and seem more open minded, at least in my neighborhood. I know I can not make another person change, I can only change myself. I am a much bettter neighbor, friend and person in general for having the opportunity to meet such a wonderful and variey of people in my lifetime. I welcome other open minded people to our state, because it is not about how you worship, but the way you love and treat others that will make a difference in the world today.
LORI

[scirocco22]

Hi Calibelle! Excellent expression of your thoughts! If all LDS had similar thoughts and attitudes as you, some of us would never even consider asking the questions that pop up here on this board.

Yours is the sort of open-mindedness that I generally associate with LDS ...which I truly believe is how the majority of Mormons feel and believe. I say this because just about all the Mormons I've had the pleasure to associate with have been warm, caring, and have attitiudes that seem free from prejudice and bias.

So it's difficult for me to believe that some would be so closed-minded that they wouldn't let their child come visit my house just because I drink coffee. Perhaps the two previous posters I'm referring to possibly acquired that belief because of their being in law inforcement for years which could've tainted their views of people in general. As I've said before, it's absurd to feel that way. They seem to be intelligent and educated so it surprises me that they feel the way they do. They scurry around the issue and try to defend their position. They try to backtrack and justify their words. They make excuses. But I can "feel" that in their heart, that's their true belief. They have that right but I feel sad.

Thanks for sharing your thought, Calibelle. It's heartwarming to hear you say such words because it once again shores up my belief that LDS are tolerant, open-minded people.

--'rocco

[scirocco22]

Oh hi Lori! I was writing my response to Calibelle as you posted so I didn't see your post until after I posted. However, I was thinking about you as I was writing to Calibelle because I know you have the same outlook as she does.

You two epitomize what I belive Mormonism probably should emphasize. Again, tolerance, open-mindedness and thoughts free from prejudice and bias.

I respect you both very much.

--'rocco