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Some people who are not LDS say that they moved here from elsewhere and have never had a problem. I feel that these people generally (not exclusively) fall in to one of two categories. Either they are still in the honeymoon phase of their move to Utah OR they greatly value Utah for all it has to offer in terms of outdoor recreation and live very active lifestyles. Again, this is just my opinion. Obviously, this doesn’t apply to everyone. This is just an observation.
Yes, only half of the people in Salt Lake proper might be LDS, but the statement is a bit misleading for people considering a move here. Salt Lake proper is not huge and many of the non-Mormons that live in the area include immigrants, a large gang population and people of meager means. I know that this sounds horrible and, believe me, I don’t want to spark any controversy here. I just don’t want for people to expect that the half of Salt Lake proper that is not LDS to be comprised of mostly well-read yuppie non-Mormons that drink their wine and go to the ballet. Yes, there are many who live here who do--but it is not the entire non-LDS half of the city.
The singles scene is also not typical here and dating can be difficult. Many people, Mormon and non-Mormon alike, tend to marry very young in Utah and I feel that the pickins’ are slim. I don’t mean that there aren’t any good men/women out there. I just mean that the percentage of the population that is single and professional in this state is far less than anywhere else, I’m willing to bet.
Things have been especially tough for me in this realm. As I have mentioned in other threads, I haven’t had great luck in meeting people here. My opinion is that single people here (or men, at least) tend to either be the mountain man type who lives for the outdoor recreation or the Nascar-loving/beer drinkin type--neither of which are my “type.” I am more into the intellectual type male--and single thirty-something intellectual men seem to be few and far between. There are also many men who are divorced and looking to connect with someone, but many have children, which is fine, but not ideal for a girl in her thirties who is looking to have a family of her own one day.
If you are single, professional, over thirty and looking to date, my feeling is that it is definitely not the place for you. ;-)
Nice post Janey. I think you made a lot of great observations. I have been here for almost a year, single 40 something, no kids. I think it's been a lot easier for me because I am in that demographic you mentioned (here for the outdoors stuff), and I think you are spot on with that. And "mountain men" are fine by me! I moved here because I hand picked this location because it had what I wanted - I did not come for a job. I love it here because I found what I was looking for.
I have spoken to other single women in your demographic who struggle to find suitable men. I would strongly suggest that you check out meetup.com. It is a great way to meet people, and it seems to be largely made up of non-LDS UT transplants looking to make friends or find dates. There are lots of different groups based on all different interests. I have done a lot of stuff with them, and I think you might find it helpful to meet some like minded people.
The thing I always find most interesting about experiences like you describe - subtle disapproval or feeling judged, etc. is how I have somehow managed to escape it pretty much completely. I think part of might be that I work in a very Liberal setting. Outside of work, a lot of the socializing I have done is through meetup, or involvement with outdoor activities... I guess that's the key.
The point I am making is that some people who move here are genuinely not affected in a negative way by the dominant culture. It's not some kind of denial - it just isn't there. Granted, I am not the type to reach out and befriend my neighbors, nor am I concerned with whether or not they do so to me, so I have no clue how accepting they may or may not be (I'm from NJ - we don't do that there! lol). I guess whatever aspects of the Mormon culture that are apparent to me are sort of benign - and sometimes fascinating, but it's just a part of living here, just like the big wide streets named by numbers, the topography, and the climate which are all so very different than anything from the Northeast.
But no doubt, the culture is there, and I can see how it would be pretty tough to wind up here by chance rather than choice.
The point I am making is that some people who move here are genuinely not affected in a negative way by the dominant culture. It's not some kind of denial - it just isn't there. Granted, I am not the type to reach out and befriend my neighbors, nor am I concerned with whether or not they do so to me, so I have no clue how accepting they may or may not be (I'm from NJ - we don't do that there! lol). I guess whatever aspects of the Mormon culture that are apparent to me are sort of benign - and sometimes fascinating, but it's just a part of living here, just like the big wide streets named by numbers, the topography, and the climate which are all so very different than anything from the Northeast.
But no doubt, the culture is there, and I can see how it would be pretty tough to wind up here by chance rather than choice.
As a life-long Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I am saddened by those who don't like "the tenets of the church," or think we are "quirky", just because we are Mormons, etc. and who judge us by their standards, which are more like "the rest of the world". Please, don't assume that just because we are "Mormon" that we are like the "Big Love", Fundamentalist, and other splinter groups. Consider that there is a really solid reason that the LDS church is one of the fastest-growing churches in the world, and check out -- from us, not from others -- what we really believe and why we live the lives we do, and why we are friendly, happy, hard-working, ambitious, and all the other good things people say about us, okay? You might be very pleasantly surprised.
And by the way, yes, before I committed to the Church of Jesus Christ, I did check out what many other faiths believe, to be sure of what I was doing, and found that the (real) LDS beliefs made more sense and brought more peace than any others, with the added benefit of a personal witness of the truth of the doctrine from God Himself; but that is my personal experience, everyone has to do their own search for the truth. But do learn -- from us -- and consider it, before you make assumptions about us, please. We'll all be happier! And that's the goal. Thanks.
As a life-long Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I am saddened by those who don't like "the tenets of the church," or think we are "quirky", just because we are Mormons, etc. and who judge us by their standards, which are more like "the rest of the world". Please, don't assume that just because we are "Mormon" that we are like the "Big Love", Fundamentalist, and other splinter groups. Consider that there is a really solid reason that the LDS church is one of the fastest-growing churches in the world, and check out -- from us, not from others -- what we really believe and why we live the lives we do, and why we are friendly, happy, hard-working, ambitious, and all the other good things people say about us, okay? You might be very pleasantly surprised.
And by the way, yes, before I committed to the Church of Jesus Christ, I did check out what many other faiths believe, to be sure of what I was doing, and found that the (real) LDS beliefs made more sense and brought more peace than any others, with the added benefit of a personal witness of the truth of the doctrine from God Himself; but that is my personal experience, everyone has to do their own search for the truth. But do learn -- from us -- and consider it, before you make assumptions about us, please. We'll all be happier! And that's the goal. Thanks.
No one is making assumptions J. This was/is the OP's experience. She isn't assuming or attacking what mormons believe at all, she is just venting about the lack of a social or dating network of like-minded people in Utah. She never said she didn't like the LDS, in fact she said that she has met several LDS folks with whom she has formed friendships. It just seems that everytime someone posts something negative about their Utah experience, many people assume that they must not be thinking positively enough, or they aren't trying hard enough and many times those other posts deserve scrutiny because they appear very one-sided, but Jane's post was very thoughtful compared to most of the posts on here. Isn't it possible that this person may actually be experiencing what she says she's going through? Isn't it possible that in a place with a dominant faith that winds itself into everyday culture that this person is feeling isolated? I think it is just as possible that this is happening just as it's possible that people have good experiences as well. I thought Jane's post was very thoughtful and well written and lacked the usual accusatory tone that many negative posts on this forum have.
cinnabon - I'm curious about what sort of employer/employment you have, if you don't mind sharing in vague terms?
I am a social worker at a large mental health organization in SLC. The mental health field is generally pretty liberal. There are some LDS people who work here - probably less than 50%, but everyone blends together really well, and I would have trouble making an accurate list of who is and who isn't. But lets just say that there is no question that there will be alcohol at our Christmas party!
I have heard people on this forum talk about working at more conservative companies, maybe even Janey, from what she said, where one might feel like they need to be discreet about their extraciricular activities or risk disapproval and even maybe subtle discrimination. I am sure if I was in a situation like that it would bother me - I like that I can just be myself!
As a life-long Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I am saddened by those who don't like "the tenets of the church," or think we are "quirky", just because we are Mormons, etc. and who judge us by their standards, which are more like "the rest of the world". Please, don't assume that just because we are "Mormon" that we are like the "Big Love", Fundamentalist, and other splinter groups. Consider that there is a really solid reason that the LDS church is one of the fastest-growing churches in the world, and check out -- from us, not from others -- what we really believe and why we live the lives we do, and why we are friendly, happy, hard-working, ambitious, and all the other good things people say about us, okay? You might be very pleasantly surprised.
And by the way, yes, before I committed to the Church of Jesus Christ, I did check out what many other faiths believe, to be sure of what I was doing, and found that the (real) LDS beliefs made more sense and brought more peace than any others, with the added benefit of a personal witness of the truth of the doctrine from God Himself; but that is my personal experience, everyone has to do their own search for the truth. But do learn -- from us -- and consider it, before you make assumptions about us, please. We'll all be happier! And that's the goal. Thanks.
By "tenets of the church" are you referring to the rules, like no coffee and alcohol, modesty, and encouraging a conservative lifestyle, as well as the Mormon religious beliefs? I am confused by why not everyone embracing this would sadden you. I don't think it's a matter of people judging Mormons for the life they choose to live, it's more a matter of others not choosing to live that way. To each his own, right?
I get the sense from your post that you feel that anyone who searches hard enough will see "the truth" the way you see it, and if not they must be missing something. That is your truth, but it will never be mine, and that's OK. Acceptance that we are all different is what will make everyone happy.
As a life-long Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I am saddened by those who don't like "the tenets of the church," or think we are "quirky", just because we are Mormons, etc. and who judge us by their standards, which are more like "the rest of the world". Please, don't assume that just because we are "Mormon" that we are like the "Big Love", Fundamentalist, and other splinter groups. Consider that there is a really solid reason that the LDS church is one of the fastest-growing churches in the world, and check out -- from us, not from others -- what we really believe and why we live the lives we do, and why we are friendly, happy, hard-working, ambitious, and all the other good things people say about us, okay? You might be very pleasantly surprised.
And by the way, yes, before I committed to the Church of Jesus Christ, I did check out what many other faiths believe, to be sure of what I was doing, and found that the (real) LDS beliefs made more sense and brought more peace than any others, with the added benefit of a personal witness of the truth of the doctrine from God Himself; but that is my personal experience, everyone has to do their own search for the truth. But do learn -- from us -- and consider it, before you make assumptions about us, please. We'll all be happier! And that's the goal. Thanks.
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Oh boy...I'm sure you mean well. However, there is a "defensiveness" to this post that I often see when a non-Mormon tries to post their feelings about living here in Utah. Some members of the church act like they are under attack when anything resembling criticism is given and they "circle the wagons".
If you read Janey's post carefully its anything but an attack on the church. Its a simple statement about what she has observed during the time she's been here in Utah. Nowhere in Janey's post did she compare the church to "Big Love". Nowhere in her post did she bring up polygamy. Maybe the church is the "fastest growing church" in the world. In no way does this negate what she has said about the social climate in Utah. Finally, I don't think she is making "assumptions" about the church at all. She is making observations based on years of experience.
This is just a piece of advice for other LDS folks (I'm one myself). Try actually listening to non-members when they talk about their experiences in this state. Don't launch into some pre-recorded defense of the church. Most importantly, don't assume any criticism of Utah is an attack on our faith. These people have something to say (The only ones I tune out are the ones who express an irrational hatred of Utah and Mormons). If you can't listen, you can't communicate.
Oh, dear...I kind of get the feeling that jpinecone must have accidentally responded to another thread here because her response just doesn't have anything to do with what I wrote...
I certainly never attacked the church. I only offered some of my thoughts on life in Utah as a result of my experience living here.
Also, I never called Mormons quirky. I said that Utah seems quirky to outsiders for various reasons. There is a very big difference and I am actually shocked that my statement was misinterpreted in that way.
And polygamy, Big Love, fundamentalist? None of this ever even came up in my post. It sounds to me that I am not the one making assumptions...
And more than that, I certainly did NOT discuss LDS beliefs and I find it really strange that jpinecone feels I need to better understand what Mormons believe before making comments on my own experience living in Utah. The two things are completely unrelated. For some reason, she seems to be mistaking my experience living in Utah for criticism of her church.
I think that jpinecone read a lot into my comments that wasn't there. I really do hate to say it, but I think that her post is a very good example of some of the frustrations that I have.
Many thanks to osugirl2 and cinnabon for your comments. And a very BIG thanks to markg91359--I GREATLY appreciate you tactfully helping jpinecone to understand what I wrote...and for promoting open and honest communication for members and non-members alike.
Hmmm that "Big Love" sure did stir up the hornets nest for a lot of LDS folks huh? Oh well. That's why we live in America. They can do their thing and we can do ours. They assume they are right and well.....we'll just assume they are not. It's our prerogative. One thing is for sure, we'll know when we get in front of our Elohim what HE wanted us to do and be. We will ALL account of ourselves then, no turning back......
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I don't think it's a matter of people judging Mormons for the life they choose to live, it's more a matter of others not choosing to live that way. To each his own, right? 
