Have You Ever Been Excluded From A Social Event Because You're Veggie? (soy, dinners)
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I must agree with anonchick. If you had just kept quiet and ate whatever was there, you would have avoided being discriminated against. Not that it was right, since I really believe you meant what you said, but the hostess must have felt pressure to gear the menu towards you, and opted not to.
Really, in your heart of hearts, do you want to spread the "vegetarian is better" lifestyle? If not, then just be quiet and eat the potato salad.
Whoa---gentlearts---not such a gentle dig! No, in my heart of hearts, I do not want to spread "the vegetarian is better" lifestyle. Yup, it IS a better lifestyle for me. And the more people who went veggie, the better the environment will be and the less cruelty to animals. But it's never going to happen. Vegetarians and vegans will always be a small minority. I accept other people's choices, even if I don't fully understand them (like how people who profess to love animals insist that they be slaughtered on their behalf). I'm not going to waste my energy trying to "convert" people. Least of all---the people at this party, where they are older, entrenched in their ways, and Southern. Trust me, I was very meek and quiet at the party since I also didn't fit in for the other reason (not being Christian).
I absolutely did not want the hostess to prepare something special for me. But I thought it could help guide her in planning the menu. Like if she was planning on serving potatoes or green beans with the meat, then maybe she could opt for both, which would give me as well as everyone else something else to eat. Nothing is worse than having some hostess go crazy and try to come up with something else at the last minute because you won't/can't eat something she prepared. Wouldn't that make more of a scene than my just matter of factly advising the hostess that I don't eat meat, but eat everything else?
I'm going to have to agree with Anonchick and gentlearts. I'm sure you didn't MEAN for that to happen at all. My friends often forget I'm vegetarian and I never expect them to cater to me. I usually just make sure I bring a dish that I can eat (cheese/crackers, veggies/dip, etc). I had to go out to lunch with some clients the other day... they picked the place and I definitely didn't even bring up that I was veg. I just found something on the menu I could eat - no problems there! (If they didn't have anything, I'd normally just order a sandwich/wrap without the meat).
I usually only bring it up if people specifically ask or imply. For instance, my friend is having a Super Bowl party this weekend and she was trying to get a head count of who was going to be eating the food she was cooking. I just told her not to count me for any meat dishes and I'd make sure to bring something along. This friend is normally one of the forgetful ones and often doesn't understand why I don't eat fish (that's NOT meat, she says...). But I was surprised that she said she had already ordered a cheese pizza I'm still bringing cheese and crackers though, just in case
This reminded me of a time I went to lunch with my boss and HER boss. I had just started a new job and The higer up boss thought it would be nice to buy us all lunch. I didn't say a word about my diet as I had just started the job and didn't feel right about it. SHe said she wanted to go to a Chinese buffet place, and I decided not to speak up since I could surely find something to eat there. Well, in the car she made a last minute decision to go to a BBQ place! I dind't feel comfortable saying anything at that point so I went along. I ended up ordering a baked potato, corn on the cob, and salad and it was all good, but the boss felt bad once it did finally come out that I didn't eat meat.
Funny thing was, even back when I was a meat eater, I never cared for BBQ so I wouldn't have eaten there even then!
I actually prefer if people DON'T cater to me. I hosted a holiday potluck style party in December for my chihuahua meetup group. I made a couple of dishes and the guests each brought something. Since it was at my house I made veggie stuff, of course, but didn't expect others to do so. A friend asked me several times what "I wanted" her to bring. I explained that I wanted her to bring what ever she liked, meat or not. She ended up bringing pizzas...both cheese.
The thought was nice, but I know she likes meat on her pizza. There was only one other veggie in the group besides me, so a meat topped pizza would have been just fine. Don't worry about me, I can always find something to eat, and if not? Well, I won't die if I have to wait till later to eat.
Ideally, last year the hostess would have ASKED if you had any dietary limitations. Then it wouldn't have been an issue at all.
As to your initial question -- no, I've been excluded from an event (that I know of, anyway). In fact, people usually make an extra effort to make sure that there's something for everyone .....
I usually only bring it up if people specifically ask or imply. For instance, my friend is having a Super Bowl party this weekend and she was trying to get a head count of who was going to be eating the food she was cooking. I just told her not to count me for any meat dishes and I'd make sure to bring something along. This friend is normally one of the forgetful ones and often doesn't understand why I don't eat fish (that's NOT meat, she says...). But I was surprised that she said she had already ordered a cheese pizza I'm still bringing cheese and crackers though, just in case
But Becca, in this instance I can't understand why you would bring up that you wouldn't be eating meat when you felt it was wrong for me to do so. With a SuperBowl party, I imagine some other guests might be bringing munchies. In any case, I assume that she would be serving more than just a slab of meat. I guess people make chili a lot, which you couldn't have eaten---but surely there would be other things to eat at a SB party. But the lunch was a sit down lunch where you sat down and were served a plate of food, not where you could help yourself to what you wanted. It was quite formal. So---just as you didn't want your friend to waste her food (I can't believe the head count had to be accurate to the last person who would be eating the regular meat dishes), then you could say that I didn't want the hostess to have an inaccurate head count and waste her food! But mainly it was to save her the embarrassment and grief of having a guest who wouldn't be eating what was served to her.
I actually prefer if people DON'T cater to me. I hosted a holiday potluck style party in December for my chihuahua meetup group. I made a couple of dishes and the guests each brought something. Since it was at my house I made veggie stuff, of course, but didn't expect others to do so. A friend asked me several times what "I wanted" her to bring. I explained that I wanted her to bring what ever she liked, meat or not. She ended up bringing pizzas...both cheese.
The thought was nice, but I know she likes meat on her pizza. There was only one other veggie in the group besides me, so a meat topped pizza would have been just fine. Don't worry about me, I can always find something to eat, and if not? Well, I won't die if I have to wait till later to eat.
I agree, Elle! I would never make a point of demanding that lots of dishes at a potluck be veggie. I just bring my own main dish, which normally turns out to be quite popular, even among people who think they don't want to eat vegetarian food. But the lunch I went to last year was a formal lunch where no guest brought anything. It was a sit down, be-served lunch with everything already on the plate.
Ideally, last year the hostess would have ASKED if you had any dietary limitations. Then it wouldn't have been an issue at all.
Dark, that WOULD have been excellent---but this person would never have asked about any dietary needs. She is kind of clueless in that regard---she just assumes everyone eats like her, just like she assumes everyone shares her religious and political views.
Dark, that WOULD have been excellent---but this person would never have asked about any dietary needs. She is kind of clueless in that regard---she just assumes everyone eats like her, just like she assumes everyone shares her religious and political views.
Sounds like someone you wouldn't want to share a meal with again, anyway, so it was probably all for the best .....
Sounds like someone you wouldn't want to share a meal with again, anyway, so it was probably all for the best .....
Bingo! I was on a kick for a while attempting to befriend/enjoy all types of people, but I've burnt out from that not working out so well. I love the idea of enjoying almost anyone and almost anything, but I have learned I am just not that flexible/adaptable....
Sounds like someone you wouldn't want to share a meal with again, anyway, so it was probably all for the best .....
THIS!!!
And jazzcat, sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound like it was "wrong" to do so. I guess I would've just brought something to pass without saying anything - I do it all the time at my friends' houses (we get together pretty regularly). And the only reason I brought up the meat thing for the Superbowl party is because she was specifically asking who would be eating the chili and Pho (she's Vietnamese) that she's making. Since I don't think I've ever had Vietnamese food so don't know if it's meatless or not, I told her to not count me for any meat food. (Come to find out, yes it has meat in it, so next time I can just say no thanks ). And yes, this friend is kind of anal... she was harassing people that hadn't formally RSVPed on Facebook (even though they SAID they were going). She was adamant that she needed to know ASAP who was coming or not. And really, there's like 20 of us... so I don't think it really matters if only 18 or 22 show up But I digress...
Ahh, you said your event was more on the formal side. I didn't realize that. Then yes, I would definitely say something. I assumed it was just sort of a holiday get-together, in which case I wouldn't have bothered.
ETA - this is the same friend that had a holiday party a few months ago and made some Vietnamese dumplings. I was asking if they had meat in them. She replied "no, it's just fish." I told her thanks, but I'd pass. She kept badgering me about why could I not eat the dumplings?? I explained to her that fish is meat and therefore I would not eat it... then I made her drop the subject
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I'm still bringing cheese and crackers though, just in case 
But I digress...
I explained to her that fish is meat and therefore I would not eat it... then I made her drop the subject
