[stevemorse]

Hi, I posted this on a few other states but no answers. I read this vermont forum and you people seem really nice so I will try here. We moved from a very busy busy area to a quieter area. We lived in NJ our WHOLE LIVES but just had it. So my question is , how long did it take to adjust to a new area? There are times when I just feel plain weird. I got right into life here, a new job and a good one but my husband is having good days and bad days. Look financially we are in a great position moving and this job I got is a dream job , with it only two months we are here, we just feel weird. We were used to our bad routine in NJ and complaining about it. Even thought it is better here does this go away. 40 years of the same thing and now bam!!!! Just curious is this normal??? Thanks Marilyn by the way we have loved all the neighbors, people are nice so why do we feel so wacko??? Why one day ok, and the next we just feel out of place? Never realized how hard this would be. Thanks again

[GypsySoul22]

Hum, no one answered?

Well, I'm from NY and we've adjusted fairly quickly in the sense my husband has had 2 jobs since he's been here. He starts a new one today--a good one. Better than in NY, that is for sure. My son is in an excellent school and has finally been diagnosed so we are working on his special ed. I.E.P. thanks to his wonderful teachers and the staff at his school. Hate to compare but back in old NY we were treated with annoyance at his school and he was 'just another special ed stat' not a person.

As for me, well, I don't have a job yet but I do an important one here at home. Eventually I will get one once we know my husband's happy at this job and his hours are set.

We haven't made any 'friends' yet but I am sure that will come once I can get out there more (I do what I can but I am also in a very small town and do not have my own car). Fortunately I am a very friendly person and will talk with anyone!

It will take you some time because you are from NJ (bigger place) than where you live and you also have to adjust to a slower pace. I like the slowness sometimes--I also can stand in the park and be alone--no one is cooking a cow or jabbering--It's peaceful.

[stevemorse]

Thanks, yes slowly day by day. I have some great days, I do so far like my job. I read alot of your posts gyspy and really like them alot. Your a sweet lady. One day at a time in the old woods.

[architvt]

From NJ to where? I have moved from one State to another before and i think that there are a lot of different things that can affect how you handle a move. One is social, different areas of the country have different social backgrounds and even a small flux can make you feel like a fish out of water. In time you will adjust to this and start to feel like you understand and are understood. The other is the fitting in factor, when you move to a place where people all know each other, there is always that "grace" period where people are nice but you are not yet "one of them" this will also pass with time and your transplanted family will be accepted fully. Then there is home sickness, you may always have a spot in your pshye and heart for NJ, even if it was not a healthy place to be. It is was uncomfortably comfortable; make sense? It was what you knew and after so many years it was part of you. I applaud you and your husband for making a healthy change for your lives. I would suggest writing down all the things you miss about NJ or your old life (maybe things you don't or can't do anymore) and then take that list and look around you, in your new community and find things that can replace what you missed (may not be identical) but similar; and get involved, stay busy, find peaceful places to appreciate your new space and life. It will get easier. Good Luck!

[stevemorse]

architvt, thanks you put a tear in my eye. I moved to NY State, a small town inbetween Plattsburgh, and Adirondack Park. So I am across the big Lake. I am working and really so far like my job, and am trying to adjust to the quieter life. I don't miss NJ, its just its so different from NJ. I really was miserable but used to that bad NJ routine. I guess it just takes time. Its like going from NYC to really quite woods. I love the woods, I would go everyweekend to the woods, just living in them is permanent now and I guess I thought it would be easy and quick. I dont hate it here, Its just different. Thanks so much Marilyn

[quickdraw]

Originally Posted by stevemorse

really so far like my job

Ok. You say you like your job. Do you know how rare that is? I don't care where you live,that alone puts you in the top ten percentile of lucky people. Not to mention that you managed to put yourself in the type of beautiful area you dreamed about. AND you love your neighbors

I've lived in a lot of areas, some I liked more a bit more than others, but I've always been a pretty happy person. I've been pretty much the same everywhere.A change of scenery doesn't always change how we feel. You were unhappy in Jersey and now you haven't found the happiness you've been looking for. Maybe it's not the location. I have friends who seem to have everything and they are just never happy.

I really hope you find what you've been looking for, because I can tell you, you've got it great.

[stevemorse]

Ohh thanks quickdraw, Yes I am lucky in a way, I landed a job within 4 weeks of arriving and a good one with a lot to offer. Maybe your right, I was never the happy go lucky type of person, so it may not be the location, to be honest I know what it is deep down, I had a big lifestyle change, I quit an addiction and I think my brain is finally recharging its natural endorphins. Your right, I love my house, neighbors, job and in and close to ADK park, so its got to be the low level of endorphins that I am missing. I know this sounds crazy but I am alcohol and drug free for the first time in 20 years. I mean no cigarettes or booze so this alone would cause shock. I think that this is my longing and depression, I miss getting wasted and learning how to cope for the first time in my life . Its only 6 months so you hit it on the head. ITs not the location, its something else. Thanks and I am sorry if I turned this into psychotherapy. Marilyn

[GypsySoul22]

Sometimes it is a fear of success, too. You finally moved, you have a nice job and maybe (being substance free) you feel like it may all be yanked away or like a fraud.

Every day is a new day...hang in there. There is a reason you are where you are now so understand you are blessed and go forward. Maybe you can help others by volunteering and that will result in you feeling better about your current situation.