[ajpruett]

My partner and I are headed to VT to get married at Twin Farms in a couple of weeks. We both enjoyed living in Atlanta and have settled back in a smaller town in AL close to where I live. While I have enjoyed our simpler, rural way of life, I just can't handle being stuck in the time warp of Alabama and staying here for 10+ years while our state fights tooth and nail to recognize gay marriage.

We've always been drawn to VT and have honed in particularly on southern VT, likely Brattleboro. I'd like to hear from people what there initial thoughts would be about such a move or similar experiences they've had. We want a small town feel but want to feel more part of the community with friends, volunteer work, culture etc. We just don't have a lot in common with people here.

A little about us.

both mid 30's
Professionals (it's going to be pretty easy for me to get a job. I'm a psychiatrist and have several interviews already lined up)
Love running, hiking and outdoor activity
No kids
Love to travel.
Want to be able to act like a regular married couple (hold hands, steal a kiss on a romantic evening)

We've also thought about Keene, NH, for job opportunity and tax savings.

[Hopes]

Food for thought.

Just because a state has friendly laws towards alternative lifestyles doesn't mean the majority of the residents of the state embrace other people's alternative lifestyles. Rural areas throughout the country are more conservative on social issues than urban areas. Vermont is rural. The entire state. I'm not saying it will be the same as Alabama. Nothing can be like Alabama. But don't expect to be as fully embraced as you envision.

If I were part of a homosexual wanting to live a rural life, I'd find a place on the outskirts of an extremely large college town. Life is much more liberal near college towns. Think State College, PA, to get an idea of the size of college that will have significant influence over the mindset of nearby residents.

I recommend spending a weekend or a week in your target town. Hold hands, hug, and kiss. Behave as you want to live your life. See how people react.

[Vermonr]

I can't say how most rural Vermonters feel about same sex marriage, and I certainly don't want to believe that hatred exists under the surface of your friendly neighbors, but growing up in Southern VT I will say that same-sex couples are extremely rare. Rural Vermonters tend to be fairly Libertarian with a "live and let live" policy but people react differently when something unusual is on display right in front of them. There is very little diversity in Southern Vermont and anyone who exhibits some behavior that is out of the ordinary will be stared at. I doubt that anyone will detest you or try to force their own political/religious beliefs upon you, but you will most certainly get some funny looks.

Have you considered Burlington? I see same-sex couples holding hands almost every single day here and nobody even gives them a second look. Also Burlington has wonderful volunteer options and is very focused on healthy living, outdoor activities, etc.

[AmILost]

Have you ever lived someplace with a brutally cold and long winter? Just asking since it sounds like you have been based in the South for some time.

[ajpruett]

We've not lived somewhere with a longer, colder winter. That's one of my biggest concerns and feedback from transplants around that would really be appreciated. I could see myself enjoying some of the winter activities though that would come with that. Plus, we enjoy traveling a lot so getting away from it for a long weekend could be an option.

I may have given the idea that PDA was very important. It's more that we would just like to feel more comfortable to be ourselves. I've never felt threatened even here, but would just love to get away from all the fundamentalism.

[cloven]

Originally Posted by ajpruett

We've not lived somewhere with a longer, colder winter. That's one of my biggest concerns and feedback from transplants around that would really be appreciated. I could see myself enjoying some of the winter activities though that would come with that. Plus, we enjoy traveling a lot so getting away from it for a long weekend could be an option.

I may have given the idea that PDA was very important. It's more that we would just like to feel more comfortable to be ourselves. I've never felt threatened even here, but would just love to get away from all the fundamentalism.

PDA isn't seen much with hetero couples either (at least from what I notice),
the PDA I witness tends to be the very young (folks in their teens & early 20's).

There is the winter to contend with, so I agree to an extent with the person who suggested being near a college town (and there isn't much of that in this state, alas).
I'm used to the winter, but am from New England originally anyway.

I'd say give Brattleboro a shot (full disclosure: I live here, but am not gay, so I don't know if I'd be treated differently).
There are backwards jerks everywhere, Vermont is no exception-but not all of us here are mean or nosy.

[Hopes]

I have spent a significant part of the last three winters in Vermont. I'm from Pittsburgh. Our winters are mild compared to Vermont. We get more icy rain than snow, and our daytime temperatures hover around 30, which I think is very tolerable. My opinion and experience will be different because I already have experience with four seasons. Plus, I was spending my winters in the mountains, and you'll be living at a lower elevation.

There is a lot of snow. Way more snow than I've had to contend with on a regular basis. At times, it felt life was a daily battle against the snow. Waking up and digging out a buried car seemed almost constant. Then I had to do it again a few times a day sometimes. I had it easier because I was staying where the parking lot was plowed. If I were living there, I would have been shoveling my driveway, sidewalks, etc., instead of just digging out my car. There's a messiness about it when getting in and out of your car in parking lots and going into businesses where everyone trudged the wet muck inside. I thought that was messy until I heard there is a "mud season" in the spring.

Clothing is super important. In Pittsburgh, we can just run around with a coat on. There is no need for layers, gloves, hats or boots. Full snow gear is your normal wardrobe in Vermont. When the daytime temperature is in the single digits, it's downright painful and you limit your time outdoors as much as possible, but remember you still need to dig your car out and that takes time.

Household heating becomes an activity. You will likely own a home where you're not simply flipping a switch for heat. You might have a fireplace or a pellet stove. So that's cutting wood or dragging heavy bags of pellets and starting fires. Even if your house has central heat, most do, you'll still want to supplement with these cheaper ways to heat to keep your heating bills down. Wood fires are romantic until they're necessary to stay warm.

In Vermont's favor is the fact that they do a darn good job of keeping the roads clear in the winter. Since I have experience, I was fine driving with front wheel drive and all season tires. You'll need four wheel drive and snow tires, maybe even studded snow tires, to have a sense of security.

[Brattlenative]

Honestly, I would direct you away from Brattleboro. You will hear a lot about how there is "so much to do" in this town, and how it's "artsy" and welcoming." When in fact, Brattleboro has changed quite a bit in the past few years. Recently, we have been getting a lot of people from New Jersey and Holyoke, MA coming into the town. And with them they bring crack, coke, and heroin. We have a serious drug problem here. The majority of the town (Elliot, Canal, Flat St, ect) are run-down, low income housing that reek of drugs and alcohol. We have had several murders in the past few years and many of the youth have taken their lives. I myself can say about 95% of my friends here have a substance abuse problem. That being said, a lot of it can be attributed to the various hurricanes, floods, and fires that we have had, washing away many businesses and homes, leaving many unemployed and homeless. There isn't much to do anymore as many of the shops have been shut down, and those that aren't close at 5 to 6. So, basically the night life consists of bars which make up half of the stores here in Brattleboro. You'll see groups of drunks lingering around all throughout the day without a place to stay. Brattleboro use to be a great place, but as many towns these days, it has fallen to hard times due to lack of money. However, Northampton, MA is close by and is one of the most open and welcoming communities I've been in. It is also the most LGBT accepting community. It is filled with shops, restaurants, museums, you name it. It truly is a great town to be in. Definitely check it out.

[sovertennis]

I agree that Northhampton MA may be a better fit for a gay, professional couple. Also, you will have no idea how long and tedious winter will be until you live here (I'm a lifelong VTer) in the Northeast.

[Native Transplant]

I am a southern California native who attended college just up the road in Putney. I adored the Tri-State Region (Brattleboro, VT/Keene, NH/Greenfield, MA and vicinity). Brattleboro, to me, was an amazing little town. Very quirky, with many students and teachers from nearby colleges (Marlboro, Keene State, etc). Many moved from bigger cities like NYC or Boston, but even other areas like Texas and California. I knew one guy from Alabama. I never knew many gays, but it seemed like a pretty friendly place for its size.

I will say that there is indeed a ton of snow, and, more importantly tome, black ice. I'm not sure how the Town of Brattleboro was in this area, but Putney Road (U.S. 5) in Putney was not walkable in winter because of the mounds of snow pushed to the sides of the road.

But my time there was in the mid-90's. I guess things have changed. I'm sorry to hear about all the crackheads and such. I never noticed that element back then. I did hear that the Putney General Store burned down twice (once from arson).

I will say that you should have a car. The Brattleboro Town Bus seems not too useful. I think Keene, NH might be more civilized on that front, but I'm not sure. I'm almost sure that PVTA has buses in Greenfield, Ma., if you find yourself moving to that part of the Tri-State.