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Old 01-12-2014, 05:39 AM
43,012 posts, read 92,100,369 times
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Originally Posted by Donderklompen View Post
BTW, I'm fully willing to hear that it's hopeless and that...for my own sanity...I should give up and stay safely behind the Canadian border. :-)
It's hopeless. You can't move far enough south and have a reasonable commute. If you can't be in a large city, the only progressive places in rural areas are college towns. Rural America is still set in its ways. I can't speak for rural Canada but it sounds like it would be less isolating than Vermont. Being isolated due to lack of year round residents is completely different from being isolated by people who don't want to associate with you.

Try to find happiness where you are. I'd rather be outcaste for not speaking French than for my sexual orientation. You have a better chance of finding like-minded people to socialize with when you live in an area with a larger population. There are other English speaking people in Quebec needing friends. You just need to find your own little social network like expats do when they live in other countries. Even in Seattle, transplants ultimately seek each other out because Seattle residents aren't very friendly. My son lives in rural Vermont, and most of his friends are transplants. It's like there are two separate worlds coexisting in these areas. You can create that for yourself.

Just as it's very possible to be happy anywhere, some people are never happy anywhere. You have a great relationship. That's more than a lot of people have. Build from there and don't let yourself get all upset about bankrupt governments (our city filed for bankruptcy and I didn't think for a moment about leaving). I would have a problem with the French speaking snootiness, but I'd seek out down to earth people to socialize with and ignore all those snobs. Don't beat yourself up about your French. You can never speak French well enough for them. You will always be treated like an outsider even if your French is impeccable with the same accent as theirs. Surround yourself with enjoyable people and don't give the snobs a second thought.
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Old 01-12-2014, 05:55 AM
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One last thought. Years ago, I went through a phase hating where I lived. There was an online quiz. The results identified the perfect place to live. When I took the test, the results said my perfect place was where I lived. Not just Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, but the VERY suburb where I live. I heart sunk with the realization that it doesn't get better than this. Instead of looking at the negatives, I started focusing on the positives. You really have no choice when you're stuck somewhere. Otherwise you'll be miserable. I'm reminded of the Mary Oliver quote, "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" I say celebrate it where you are! Don't hold off happiness waiting for the perfect place to live. Find that place inside yourself.
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Old 01-12-2014, 12:03 PM
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p.s. OP.....I moved from Houston (owning two successful businesses)to Barton...searching for what the hell I do now. I live where I have peace. I don't follow researches, polls or studies.(you can find one to fit whatever you want) I go where my being has peace and I wish that for everyone. Sure, I was put on the "anti" of locals because I had New Hampshire plates when I arrived. I was put through the ringer and tested by the locals. I passed because I had gumption and this was my new home. ( My earlier story was relative to one incident I saw firsthand pertaining to your initial question)

My house burned to "below ground" and knew I had 360k in cash to go anywhere.....the outpouring of support from people I never heard of made me rebuild right here in this town I'd been questioning. A woman w/5 kids living on welfare brought 2 beers, $20 and 4 pair of jeans while my house was still smoking. That hurt her family. There is a sense of community and people in VT will help to no end but they aren't bringing cookies the day you move in (except me).

I think Vermonters want to see your integrity first. I think that is more important worldwide than anything else. Yes, they do warm up after you've shown who you are. If you think about it, we're small enough that we still can. Maybe that's wrong with other places.....too big to recognize integrity or lack thereof. Go where you have peace. Like I said, those museums and music venues are just another interesting drive on the road you have chosen. No neighborhood will be perfect so just make your life as perfect as you can from within. Usually, that will earn respect with most.
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Old 01-12-2014, 01:10 PM
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When peace comes from within, a person can live anywhere. The OP can find happiness where he currently lives.
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Old 01-12-2014, 03:06 PM
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Originally Posted by delmioquartiere View Post
Go the extra 30 minutes and just call Burlington home and be done with it. It fits your criteria perfectly.
I agree! Or that general area
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Old 02-06-2014, 11:11 AM
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As a Native Vermonter who is a gay man in his mid-40's, I would strongly suggest that you stay on the Northwest side of the State. I live in the Franklin County area and the cost of living is a little lower than Chittenden County and it will put you in a good place between Burlington and Montreal.

If you think you can't stand Quebec, don't move to the NEK. It's just as boring and is a lonely life for many people (Straight and Gay.) The roads to the "big city" (Montpelier / Burlington) are windy and rough from that neck of the woods. Even getting to Boston is a pain, as I-91 is a windswept mess in the Winter.

The gay community in the Burlington area is splintered and apathetic (and that's putting it nicely.) There's no gay bar, and aside from Q.U.E.E.R Pop Up parties, there's not much else to do. First Friday at Higher Ground has gone steadily downhill throughout the years. Don't expect it to be exciting.

You already know Montreal, so I don't have to fill you in there. Good luck and reply if you have specific questions.
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