Courtesy in Vermont (Brattleboro, Middlebury, Montpelier: environment, transplants, travel)

[arel]

I've noticed, since I began visiting Vermont as a child, that Vermonters are quite courteous most of the time. I remember being shocked when a driver stopped so I could cross the street. It happened again fairly recently when I was visiting Brattleboro.

I'm thinking of Vermont courtesy today, after another grating day of Brooklyn rudeness. So much anger and hostility here. Even in supposedly friendly settings, there is so much impatience and irritibility.

I have noticed that Vermonters I have met (native and transplanted) seem more gentle, laid back and relaxed than New Yorkers, and less competitive, in-your face, and angry. I do find the New England reserve a little unnerving at times. Sometimes it feels like rejection. But I know it is a cultural thing, not to be taken personally.

Also, I have been warned by Brattleboro people that since people come and go in Bratt, people tend to hold back with friendship until they are sure you are going to stay.

Am I idealizing Vermont courtesy? Am I expecting too much? Will I be disillusioned once I move up there?

What are people's experiences with this? I am especially interested in the experiences of New York (and other big city) transplants.

[MRVphotog]

Originally Posted by arel

Also, I have been warned by Brattleboro people that since people come and go in Bratt, people tend to hold back with friendship until they are sure you are going to stay.

I don't get this statement....friendship is a building process whether your in Vermont or anywhere else IMHO. In general, most don't become instant friends, you have to get to know the person, they get to know you.

Despite what "Bratt people" warned you, what happens in Bratt happens most everywhere else, except perhaps the naked thing. It's natural for a friendship to take time. There are way more transient towns in Vermont than Bratt.

New Yorkers talk very fast.

When my friends from NYC visit finding a close parking space seems to be a badge of honor and they will drive around and around until such a space opens up. Me, I find a parking space and don't mind walking a few extra steps.

When I am in NYC, I try to drive like a New Yorker. Driving like I'm in Vermont does not work very well. I wish New Yorkers had the ability to do the same when they are in Vermont

Urban/suburban environments are stressful by their very nature, rural Vermont is the complete opposite IMHO.

[Lilybeans]

Originally Posted by MRVphotog

Urban/suburban environments are stressful by their very nature, rural Vermont is the complete opposite IMHO.

I agree. It's not just Vermont. Rural folks are generally more polite, imo.

[GypsySoul22]

NYers(as in the City) are just angry. You have to have that edge there. (including Long Island). If not, you will be an easy mark for criminals and scammers. If you snooze, you lose.
I've met a mixed bag of people so far. A lot of it has to do with 'low population' density--there just isn't that concentration of people per square mile like in NY/Metro.

In small villages there isn't much to do. I am sure bigger towns have more opportunities for mixing.

You can be less mellow here, but some things can be grating for a newcomer to learn--you must plan more for distance and weather. My husband has been trying to sort out something with our car now for 2 months. He has to drive 45 minutes to a more populated area for DMV, not 10 or whatever. These things can be frustrating.

[flu189]

It is true that folks in rural areas are more friendly in general, but it has been my experience that they can be very reserved also which actually is not a bad thing. Then again I have experienced this in many other states which I have been in as well. With the exception of a core group who get their knickers in a knot over issues large and small most folks here will be courteous and don't really care where you hail from as many areas of Vermont are actually made up of more transplants than not. I know from my hiking experiences that folks from the more rural, hence less transplants, were much more easy going and friendly than in certain other towns. As far as the NYC things goes, it's NYC with congestion and tons of other issues which just makes for a more stressful lifestyle. However, for a good period in my old neighborhood we had some very nice and caring neighbors and I got along with all of them, but they have all by now passed away or moved out. On my last visit to the area I drove through the area and was disgusted on how decrepit and dirty it has become, but I am sure that there are of course some very nice people concealed behind the steel bars and window grates, but this is not the way to live at least for me. For anyone who has lived in NYC and Long Island and can reference back over the past 40 to 50 years will know and can understand.

[MRVphotog]

Originally Posted by GypsySoul22

You can be less mellow here, but some things can be grating for a newcomer to learn--you must plan more for distance and weather. My husband has been trying to sort out something with our car now for 2 months. He has to drive 45 minutes to a more populated area for DMV, not 10 or whatever. These things can be frustrating.

Definately true, I guess you have to accept the fact that when you live in a rural place there will be some inconveniences. BTW, you can now register your car online vs driving up to Montpelier(closest DMV to me) which is an improvement.

[Sherylcatmom]

I enjoy Vermont and Vermonters. I find it is a generally courteous and civil place to live.

Originally Posted by arel

I've noticed, since I began visiting Vermont as a child, that Vermonters are quite courteous most of the time. I remember being shocked when a driver stopped so I could cross the street. It happened again fairly recently when I was visiting Brattleboro.

I'm glad that's your experience, and likely that will happen again and again. But Vermont hardly scores 100% in that department. I walk everywhere and I am stunned by the number of SUV drivers who blast right over the crosswalks without even slowing down.

Originally Posted by arel

Am I idealizing Vermont courtesy? Am I expecting too much? Will I be disillusioned once I move up there?

While nowhere is perfect, I think you're right about the Vermont scene overall. Here I find much easier, more gracious living than I've found elsewhere, and it's combined with Northeasterners' general sensibilities that I feel most at home in.

[Ulysses61]

Well, I'm from California and visit Vermont every summer. I've found the people in Vermont quiet, friendly and reserved. Polite and helpful. Comparing anyplace to Brooklyn is a stretch, the people in NYC are the rudest people I have ever met, and I've travelled all over the world.

[Sherylcatmom]

Originally Posted by Ulysses61

Comparing anyplace to Brooklyn is a stretch, the people in NYC are the rudest people I have ever met, and I've travelled all over the world.

I think that's really interesting! When was 21, I left Miami and lived alone in the W. Village. Big-city setting aside, it was the closest to Vermont living I've ever experienced. People said "Hi" to each other on the street, folks would help me carry my groceries home, and I never hesitated to offer someone help if they looked like they could use a hand.

Every day I walked to work up 5th Avenue to the surreally wonderful Flatiron Building at the corner(s) of 5th Ave, 23rd St, & Broadway. Actually, I walked everywhere, day or night, and felt quite safe.

Granted, it was 1985-6, not today. And granted, it was the W. Village and environs, which I found to be a special place, at least in my memory. But thanks to that experience, I think fondly of NYC. Now when we visit, we stay with friends in Astoria, Queens, and people seem really nice there, too. I always have a good time and enjoy talking to the city folk. Which I guess to Vermonters, I still am. :-)

Oh, a really funny thing happened when we were in the city in August! My friend, my husband, and I had lunch at Angelica Kitchen. The people at the next table heard us talking about Vermont and started chatting with us. Turned out they lived in Middlebury. Very, very small world. :-)

[quickdraw]

I've always found NYC folks very friendly. Hurried suburbanites in the city are another story. Vermonters are friendly too, but somewhat reserved. My wife and I were Christmas shopping in the Albany NY area, and so many people made friendly chit-chat with us. We realized we weren't in Vermont anymore.

But no region can't touch the south. Southerners are easily the friendliest and most welcoming. Texans too. Ever drive in TX, away from the big cities? On rural roads, people pull over in the shoulder so you can pass them. Then wave to you!