[yearinvermont]

Hi Aery,

We were seeing if my mom could adopt them but we're still thinking about trying to get them back before the case closes. We were working with them for seven months before that. We sent a complaint letter to their commissioner's office in late December and they really do nothing to make sure their people are honest. They told me all of my old concerns were "historical" (no matter that if we worked with them again they would engage in inventing new material). They didn't say there was anything wrong with how our workers ignored my emails, or ignored my emails and forwarded them to my parents for no reason, or how I asked to work with a different group and they ignored that email and then lied to the court that I didn't follow up with this group (although I met the person from there in person, and then emailed my caseworker who ignored me). So I think this organization at least does anything it wants, but this didn't stop them from criticizing us for stopping the visits when we got exasperated with their behavior. They wouldn't give us a new caseworker or supervisor either.

[Aery11]

Oh dear. SMH as those who are into social media (which I am not) would say.


So .. let me get this straight:


1) You left Vermont, and left your kids behind in the custody of the state. Before you left you had stopped even trying to visit them but it doesn't sound as though you were barred from seeing them - you just didn't like the arrangements. Do you think this shows great interest in getting your kids back? Heavens .. you say nonchalantly that 'we're still thinking about trying to get them back before the case closes' - as though they were truly not that important to you, as though they were 'chattels'. I hate to say it but it sounds as though you really don't want them back that much.


2) You are sending letters complaining about how DCF, etc. treated YOU but you are not cooperating with them in any way. You haven't once mentioned anything about loving your kids, being lost without them .. do you realize that? You are well spoken but there is something very amiss here .. either you are very immature, on Prozac or smoking way too much pot, or you are just very self-centered or perhaps all of the above. Your KIDS should be your top priority right now - and you should be there and be really fighting for them. If you don't or don't want to, then anything you say about DCF is moot .. essentially they were right to do what you say they did because you seem so apathetic about the children and that probably shows you should not be caring for those kids. Perhaps their tactics were less than ideal but it seems they had the best interests of the kids in mind after all.


3) How is your wife's anxiety now that you/she don't have the kids to care for? I imagine it may have improved a lot which would indeed indicate that again DCF may have been right - you were not able to or ready to care for your children.


4) Do you have a full time job yet? Is your wife working? Are you making a 'home' you could bring the kids to if you got them back? Unless you do this, whether you get the kids back or not, you are still on a downhill track and things won't even get better for you .. you will be on social assistance soon I imagine even if you are not currently. Wake up. You are intelligent .. get to work!


It is obvious that the kids are not that important to you. If they were, you would not have spent all this time attacking the DCF and other agencies .. this whole thread would have been about .. we lost our kids and how do we really fight to get them back? Instead, you were never even clear about the fact that the kids were taken from you till I pinned you down several pages in. Your credibility just went right down the drain.


I hate to have to say it but it sounds to me as though the kids are probably much better off in foster care than in your care. I hope they are adopted by a family who will really care about them and care for them. And I hope you and your wife do get help because someday I think you will regret this part of your life and you will always know you didn't fight for your own children as you should have .. and you were not even wise enough to know that you really couldn't care for them - if you had you would have offered them freely and willingly up for adoption because you knew that was the best thing for them. Instead you chose to pick fights with the only people who were in a position to give your kids back to you while sounding very apathetic about the children themselves.


I really hoped this story would have a better outcome but I see now that it can't. Your focus is all wrong. The kids are what really counted and you failed them - perhaps not on purpose, but, you did. Please don't have any more kids. Good luck with your life .. I hope you grow up some day and are happy. This was not a good start though.