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Old 06-12-2010, 09:31 AM
 
1 posts, read 2,754 times
Reputation: 11

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My daughter is 14yrs -- while we were visting friends she stole my friends wallet. She charged $40 -- then my friend lost work time, had to have her card i.e. dmv redone. She listed the charges, the loss of pay, dmv .. but then tolls, cash she got out for herself.

I'm worried about my daughter -- I'm a single Mom and I found out that she was getting some false information from her Dad. He blamed our friends for our marriage failing -- so in some way I think she was acting out.

I told my friend we would repay her -- the loss pay, the dmv, and the charges. I had my daughter call her to apologize and my friend just blasted my daughter -- saying "you are banned from my house" .. "you are turning out like your father". "I thought we were family" "this is identify theft" "if his had been 400 more you could go to jail".This person has no kids at all -- and actually gave up her son years ago. At no point did my friend say "heh, what's up? why would you do this?"

I feel like my friend did what my daughter's father did .. things got rough and she left.

She wanted my daugher to get a job to work it off -- I mean an actual job -- and didnt seem satisfied when I said she would do chores around the house to work it off. She said she didn't want me to pay for it -- but only my daughter.

What I came up with is she's on probation for 30 days -- First she had to call and admit what she did and apologzie -- then no cell phone, she works off the money through chores, allowance goes to pay off debt, and she and I go into counseling. I cant afford counseling so I said ok.. every day for 1 hr or so --we just talk and in that 1 hr you say what ever and I cannot bring anything back up outside of that 1 hr.

I'm trying to help my daughter -- to show her I'm here --good and bad.

My question -- should I have to pay for extras outside of what my child spent? And was my friend right in her reaction? She can't honestly think I will choose her over my daughter?
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Old 06-12-2010, 12:35 PM
 
Location: Everywhere and Nowhere
14,131 posts, read 27,034,287 times
Reputation: 6824
Why is this on the VA forum? It should be moved to "Parenting".
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Old 06-18-2010, 10:00 AM
 
1,891 posts, read 2,256,234 times
Reputation: 910
Show her you mean business with your belt.

Tell her how they treat thieves in other countries...then ask her if she wants to lose a hand!
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Old 06-19-2010, 02:10 AM
 
Location: Richmond
631 posts, read 1,139,005 times
Reputation: 222
I don't think she overreacted but your daughter should have to deal with the consequences whatever they end up being (sounds like your friend is influencing your decision in this pretty heavily). However I do not think that it's your daughters fault that your friend lost work time.
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Old 06-20-2010, 08:22 PM
 
1,295 posts, read 4,233,443 times
Reputation: 425
Because staying in your house all day is not punishment lol. Just like in school.. you beat some kid up and you get to stay home and play video games or log onto MySpace. Your friend wants your daughter to get some "real world" experience and it's all about the principal not the money.

If some kid broke in your car and stole your cd player (I know this is extreme) and you later got in contact with their parents, would you rather the child's parents pay you off or would you like to see that child walk in your shoes for a bit?

That child needs to see what the other person has had to go through just to be able to get those nice things. Having a real job, having to put up with the day to day stuff on the job, paying the gas for the car to get to the job, balancing your job.. family..school and social life, being tired and having to wake up to do the same thing again, paying for other bills and possibly children's needs, try actually doing this every day for at least a year. I doubt your daughter will have the same mind frame when she learns the value of a dollar.

It's more than just $40. There is often a lot of work put into EARNING the money on your job. Not just in your case but in general whenever I hear about theft and other crimes this is why I get so mad. Someone just takes something for free while God only knows how long and what the owner had to go through to get it.

Perhaps a job would not be a bad idea. Obviously she earns her own money but you will know where she is at all times and since you are worried about her this should bring some security. Of course if I were a dad I'd wait a few months then "borrow" the $40 back from her to show her what it is like. But this is just imo.
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Old 06-21-2010, 10:17 AM
 
56 posts, read 270,255 times
Reputation: 39
what the ? why do you use so many hyphons
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Old 07-15-2011, 04:34 AM
 
1 posts, read 1,995 times
Reputation: 10
She needs her ass wooped
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Old 04-12-2012, 06:52 AM
 
Location: Atlanta
5,628 posts, read 4,210,308 times
Reputation: 4582
Stealing a wallet, charging $40.. that's not petty.. that's a big crime. I am sorry that you are in this situation. I can understand your friends ire and if it were me I would let that situation cool off some by not spending any time with them for several months.. I would keep in touch but also keep my distance. As for your daughter, I think she should face major punishment. I think I would take away the cell phone for 1 year, or at least 6 months. She would be grounded for 6 months.. minimum.
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Old 04-12-2012, 06:59 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 40,051,684 times
Reputation: 62030
Chores are chores and should NOT be paid for via allowance, I've never thought that was appropriate. YOU are lucky your friend did NOT report this kid to the police, she would probably be in juvenile detention right now. YOUR daughter should be the one to pay all of this back NOT do chores around YOUR home that she should be doing anyway, she should go out and mow grass or walk dogs or something like that. The counseling you CANNOT AFFORD can be found free or billed according to salary in most areas, you just have to make the effort to call and find out where it is offered. YOUR friend did NOT over react in my opinion she UNDER reacted and let this kid off easy; I would have already had her arrested.
BY THE WAY: What YOUR FRIEND DID WITH HER CHILD is none of your concern, that is HER CHOICE and from the sounds of it you definitely are NOT IN A POSITION TO JUDGE SOMEONE ELSE'S PARENTING SKILLS.
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Old 04-12-2012, 01:30 PM
 
11,151 posts, read 14,124,494 times
Reputation: 18795
Everyone realizes that this thread is almost two years old, right?
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