the biggest fear to relocate???

[Jennifer Parschauer]

I can empathize with all of you - and also that we can't stay bound by our fears, or we'll never know the joy on the other side.

We too would like to fast-forward our lives about 2 years. We've been in Europe for 10 years and for a lot of reasons, it's time to return to the US. Our children were born here, and while we've been here, both of our parents moved to Florida, so now we kind of wonder where "home" is. We literally took our a map and stared, wondering what would be best for all of us. Because of a home office, there are advantages, but also limits of course, and we think we'll head to Richmond, but ultimately, we have no idea how "accepted" we'll be. (Originally from up north, and now a bit European-ized), or at least, a bit different on the inside. We've tried our best, but news here is very international and very slanted, no American TV, styles, food etc. all different. Honestly, we are afraid of hitting invisible walls as we re-adjust.

I will say, as someone else mentioned, we will search out a church "home" - we have found even here, that is the quickest way for us to find "family" around the world. We've linked up with people of like faith all over Europe, and many here from places we'd never before gave a thought to; refugees etc. We trust we will find a place of belonging in that community, and then hopefully in our neigborhood, school etc. God has been good to us - He helped us settle here, we trust He will wherever. Someone told me, when you stop comparing, things get easier - accept a new place for what it is, not what you wish it would be.

But for all that, we'd like to make it as smooth as possible, so any advice is welcome. Hoping the best for all of you starting over!

[MyCitySearchName]

Originally Posted by Vagabond

Biggest fear? Racism...something that most of you (assuming you are white) don't have to give a second thought to

It must be nice to simply look on a map and say "I think I would like to live in this sleepy rural town" or in the mountains of Montana, Utah etc., but as an African American, before I move I always have to worry about the racial make up of a city, how long has it been diversified, is the leadership concerned with equality issues, etc...it is truly tiresome...

I think YOUR statement is a little racist myself. Don't assume anything about "white" people. We are just as concerned about racism and being accepted as you are. You could apply it to any group of people: North/South, Country/City, Upper/Lower Class Society, Black/White. I, personally, would feel very awkward about moving into a black community because its not something I've ever experienced and my only dealings with any black person have been VERY negative. Racism works both ways. I get really tired of listening to some black people complain about how bad they have it, or how they are maligned. Get over yourself and stop blaming white people for your own hang ups. If you want to be accepted, be accepting. If the people you meet are just plain ***holes, don't have anything to do with them and move on.

I understand some confrontations/situations are unavoidable, and that is regrettable, but for the most part you can tell when something doesn't feel right and do something about it before it gets out of hand.

Anyways......

As far as the move, its best to go and look at a place and talk to some local people before making any kind of decision. Do lots of research and come to forums like this one and learn from people who have already done it. (This was smart of you ) Moving sight unseen is a bad idea. I've done it more than once and regretted it. You can get a "feel" for local attitudes and such if you are worried about that and also maybe meet some nice people along the way.

[rheaburris]

I have to tell you, your child will do just fine.I grew up in a military family. Children have a remarkable ability to make friends easily. When you move, just help your child by getting her to the activities that will put her in contact with kids her own age,with interests the same as hers. Like dance or gymnastics, maybe girl scouts? She'll do just fine. As for me, I'm not afraid of a move. I view it as a chance to enlarge my circle of friends.Just remember, that home is where you hang your hat! And neighbors and aquaintances become friends,when you are a friend to them. When you move, research before you go, try to make friends online with someone that lives in the area and when you get there, you'll have one person that you can say you know!

[I_Brennus]

Originally Posted by MyCitySearchName

As far as the move, its best to go and look at a place and talk to some local people before making any kind of decision. Do lots of research and come to forums like this one and learn from people who have already done it. (This was smart of you ) Moving sight unseen is a bad idea. I've done it more than once and regretted it. You can get a "feel" for local attitudes and such if you are worried about that and also maybe meet some nice people along the way.

This is the soundest piece of advice that I have seen. When I attempted to move to Virginia in 89-92 I did it without checking out the job situation. It turned out that Virginia's economy was far worse than Michigan's at that time and the good old boy mentality was firmly entrenched so employers didn't want to give a job to a Yankee when a local boy needed the job.

[annibelle]

Originally Posted by peach49

I feel the same there should be a place somewhere in this country we can live and not have to worry about being accepted.

Vagabond,

I totally agree with you. Im black. My husband is white. Relocating from Cali to Az was stressful for me, but not for him. I was worried that me and my children wouldn't be accepted or treated the same as in Cali. There is so much diversity in Cali, no one cares who looks like what. But Az is a whole new ball game. We live in an expanding town that has been small for decades. Unfortunately, the small town has a lot of small mindedness, racism. It's just how they've been living for a long time. They're used to it. It's absolutely awful here. I try to warn others before they come to taste the bitterness. You should see the responses. They're all from white people talking about how great it is here - for them. They have a hard time accepting that different people have different experiences. They haven't a clue, but at least my husband does. He can't stand it either. But reading your blog makes the social isolation less constraining.

[nymunga]

My biggest fear is not trusting myself on the decision to move to Virginia. I was so sure on moving to NC, then reality hit, and I realized I had made a mistake. Will I make the same mistake again? Everytime I visit SWVA I am ready to go back to NC and pack my bags! But when I arrive back home I start anaylizing of how I was so very, very, sure of my move to NC. I made sure I did my homework and everything would be just fine in NC. It isn't that it is horrible here. In fact, there are alot of good factors, but this state just isn't for me. So-------I am close enough to drive to VA whenever I choose to, but I guess it is the "fear factor" of making another mistake which I can't afford at this time of my life. But I keep reading the VA newspapers and am keeping my eye out for a place.
And Annibelle, I was so saddened to read your post. I wanted to reach out and give you a big hug! Even though I grew up in Upstate NY, I also lived just outside Washington DC, for fifteen years. The culture was so much more accepting. Even though I am white, my daughter grew up accepting all races and their cultures no matter who was with whom. She was shocked when she moved to a smaller community and saw how different people were. Very close-minded. (and I am sure there were other people that were open-minded---I don't want to start an argument) Take heart Annibelle, don't give up! Now as a Yankee in the South, who is respectful and accepting of others no matter who they are, but won't conform to all their ideals, I find myself being the minority for the first time in my life. I understand "isolation".

[LDH]

My dream is to move to Virginia. I'm a native of CA but in 2004 went on an 8th grade history tour with my daughter to Washington, DC, Virginia and Pennsylvannia and then Christmas of the same year brought my family there. I fell in love VA and can think of nothing but moving there. It's as if it is where I am meant to be. DH also fell in love with it. My biggest fear is moving there and then not being able to afford to buy a house like I wanted to.

MyCitySearchName - I think you were too harsh with Vagabond. I agree with you about a white person moving into a black community would be scary, but think about it, why would that be? It's because of the color of your skin. Some people instantly classify you by the color of your skin and tend to think you are a certain way without even knowing who you are. Have you walked in their shoes? I have a friend who grew up in GA and it made me cry when she told me as a little girl she was sitting on a bus and was told to move becasue of the color of her skin. She is the most kindest most wonderful person I've ever met. It made me mad to think that this happened to her. No one should be treated differently because of their skin color. We all bleed the same color.

[bustedknee]

Very interesting!

Friends are over-rated. I have lived all over the country and planning another move in the near future.
I have found that people that want to be my friend usually have another motive. I have found that people that I consider my friend (and me theirs) aren't really. Enough about that.

Crime is my biggest concern.

I can't address the "racial fears" from other than the white angle. So I thought about it.
I lived in an Indian (Alaska Native) village and experienced descrimination. Not the same but real.
I don't think I would fear moving to a Black "area" or Latino, or Oriential or whatever. At least I don't think so. Let me think on it some more.

On the other hand...If a non-white family moves into the house beside me (and it has happened several times) I am willing to accept them if they are upstanding people. That is all I ask. No crime, take care of their family, maintain their home, wave and say hello, help each other load the old couch in the truck, etc.

So, I'm curious, exactly what kind of "racial fears" are we talking about?

Oh, it did occur to me, I will not live in Washington DC. Too damned-many lowlife politicians. Too slimy to touch. Yukk.

[Optimistic]

I live in GA via NYC. I was raised in New England as a child and move to NYC in my late teens. We have been in GA for 7 years and after this past week driving home we realized as a family we want to be closer to NYC. We are now looking into relocating to Fredericksburg.

Living in GA has taught me many things about people. It is sad how so many have never ventured out of their particular counties here. It is sad how not being religiously affiliated with the norm causes such friction. It is even sadder because many that I have come in contact with have no desire to study or get to know about a different race or culture.

We as a people must stop racisim. I should not feel as if I can not live anywhere that I choose. I do not remember as I tell others needing a passport to travel this country. We have to work together to improve our living conditions and standards.

Yes I live in a nice neighborhood and no I do not want a family moving in next to me who is immoral, unethical or filthy. Believe me there is both in every race. I believe deep down we all want the same thing. We each want to make a decent living, good schools, safe environments and common courtesy from our fellow man.

I also being "optimistic" believe that this is attainable and that it starts with me.