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Old 07-31-2015, 12:12 PM
7 posts, read 4,012 times
Reputation: 10


Hello Everyone!! I'm new to this, please be kind...current situation, we live in va beach and my husband lost his job. He has tried for almost 3 months now to find equivalent work/pay so we can stay in the area without a move. Unfortunately this is not working out. Money is running out and we have to do something soon! He has been offered a job with great benefits and pay, but it's out of state (Charleston, SC) we've tried explaining everything in detai to our daughter who is starting 9th grade (14yrs) in a month and she just won't have it. My heart is so broken for her! She is devastated, crying every night and refuses to move. Says she will just live with someone here. She's tired of moving. We had to move 5 years ago from Williamsburg, Va to current city (va beach). She's not a very outgoing person at all and it's very hard for her to make friends. I truly am worried about her emotional state if we go through with the move. My husband has even considered takin the job and just coming home (va beach) on the weekends to visit us. But I just feel like that is way too much to ask of him, even though it's awfully nice of him to offer. Please advise...
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Old 07-31-2015, 01:33 PM
Location: The South
3,879 posts, read 5,335,434 times
Reputation: 2742
Not to be unkind but maybe you should repost this in the parenting forum to get more experienced answers or seek some professional intervention for your daughter. It's rough to move but at least it would be the beginning of high school rather than her junior or senior years.

She also has to understand that without a job, it won't help to still be living in Va Beach. A 14 year old should be able to understand the simple economics of paychecks and rent/mortgage/food.

My last thought -- we did have a neighbor when we lived in Maryland. Husband worked in NYC and came home on weekends. They were pretty affluent so I don't know if your household could survive the maintenance of two households. He commuted for about 3 years until the family moved to NJ.

Best of luck.
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Old 07-31-2015, 04:17 PM
7 posts, read 4,012 times
Reputation: 10
Thank you!! We have considered staying put for 3 yrs and visiting on weekends. Good advice!
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Old 07-31-2015, 04:59 PM
Location: Where my bills arrive
8,066 posts, read 9,499,614 times
Reputation: 7982
Your daughter is old enough to understand the reason behind the family relocation and asking her dad to come home for visits is a waste of money and unreasonable. During my Navy career I would come home from Charleston SC every other weekend for almost a year, it stinks. We chose not to move because my assignment in SC was not permanent and ultimately we were going back to Va Bch were we lived. You are living in Virginia Beach I am sure many of her friends/classmates have experienced not just moves but having a parent gone for months on deployment with the Navy.

Do what's best for you and your husband kids adapt better than you think. If she continues to balk then seek professional guidance but regardless you are the parent and need to be strong and positive as an example for her. Good luck in your future!
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Old 07-31-2015, 08:36 PM
Location: The house on the hill
933 posts, read 3,114,582 times
Reputation: 697
My daughter was the same way before moving to VA last month. She flat out refused and said she wasn't coming. She eventually learned that staying was not an option. She has adjusted fairly well. She is looking forward to starting school to meet people. Moving is hard in kids. This is our fifth move. The older they get, the more they resist. But we've always met people and found our place everywhere we have lived.
My daughter does FaceTime with her friends often. This helps.
Good luck.
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Old 08-16-2015, 03:14 PM
52 posts, read 39,700 times
Reputation: 76
2thebch hasn't come back since posting. I moved from CA to VA in January 2014 six months ahead of my wife because of a promotion. I had just gotten married and was fortunate that my was able to live with my parents while I coordinated the relocation. Even more fortunately, my employer paid for the move along with multiple return trips in between. But without these accommodations, I am doubtful it would've been feasible!

The point I'm trying to make: maintaining two places is hard on so many different levels. Not sure that there's anything you can do to get your kid to understand and accept that the move has to take place.
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