Why Virginia... Why US?! (crimes, houses, buy)

[tamitrail]

Originally Posted by lmm05

Firstly, thanks to everyone for your replies. It's both enlightening and educational.

I will be coming to the US in July. I'll be staying with my guy for 3 months to get a good understanding of how he lives and what life is like over there, etc. The reason I am asking for advice (without having spent any significant amount of time in the US) is because I want to know what unbiased Americans (ie people who don't have a stake in this relationship) think of this. Why I should consider moving there... I don't mind that you might not have been to Australia, but I want to know why you would tell someone to come there...

I'm 30, and he's 35. We were good mates before we started having feelings for one another so we know each other pretty well... together, however, we've spent only 4 weeks... which isn't that long - hence the 3 months. I know that at the moment he is working for a UK based company (how we met) and gets 4 weeks holiday, but he works 50-60 hour weeks. Which is a MAJOR worry for me because he tells me this is normal and expected in the US. But he gets no overtime, nor does he get any time-in-lieu, and it seems like it is slave labour. I know that people in the same role in the UK are leaving at 5pm, but he stays till 10pm some nights. CRAZY!!! Are these kind of hours expected in the US?! He works in IT - but what about other industries...?!

He, like me, is reluctant to leave his country. He was in Australia over Christmas and was appalled with having to wear a seatbelt (it's law over here, in all states). He also said that although he really enjoyed his holiday, there were things he missed - like good mexican food, and cheeses and stuff.

Me? I'm not that particularly fussed about that stuff. For me, all that matters is being happy with the one I love, and raising well-adjusted kids.

Things I will miss will be the beach being a 15min drive away from me. Family - A LOT... and like tamitrail said - my folks not getting a chance to know my kids; and them not growing up with aunts and uncles and cousins will be very hard for me to come to terms with (his dad lives in Minneapolis with wife and 2 younger half-brothers, his mum is travelling around America with her hubby, and one half-sister lives somewhere else, so we'll have no family around us). I've lived in a lot of places, and I know I'm adaptable. I also know that that he's not as adaptable and flexible as me, but yes, I don't want to move there and begin to resent him for it.

In the end, I know it's a choice we have to make... but I'd like to be well informed when I make the choice, so any thoughts you might have will be well received and considered.

OK, am I reading this right? He was appalled at having to wear a seatbelt in Australia??? It is law here to! So he doesn't wear a seatbelt in America? Didn't he tell you it's law here also???

If you have a kind of higher up position, yes it is expected that you work long hours without overtime pay. US companies want your blood and soul. You pay dearly for medical benefits, you work long hours and you "earn" vacation time. That is the norm for most office-type jobs. If your boyfriend is in a senior position in IT, this woud apply to him also.

After all you've said, the only thing you can do is come for the 3 month visit in July and follow your gut. Make a list of all the concerns you have from now until then. While you're here, get the answers to every single thing. If you can live with them, and you are SURE, then move. If you can't, then don't. It concerns me that you have to be the one to move and leave your family, especially since you've said he doesn't live near his.

[tamitrail]

PS: Honestly, I don't know much about life in Australia, but I "wouldn't" tell someone to move here. I don't see any reasons to convince someone to leave their home country to move here...unless they lived in worse place.

[vanyali]

Computer jobs don't pay squat in Australia. He probably wouldn't be able to support her in Australia with the same kind of job. My husband is in computers, and he's talked to other computer guys over there and checked it out.

[tamitrail]

Yes, but in Australia she wouldn't have to pay for childcare and she would here. She is going to be working also.

[Mr_Jonas]

Originally Posted by vanyali

Computer jobs don't pay squat in Australia. He probably wouldn't be able to support her in Australia with the same kind of job. My husband is in computers, and he's talked to other computer guys over there and checked it out.

I know I probably sound like I am trying to cause problems, but my brother in law has an acquaintance in Australia. He has a pretty OK salary, around 54.700 Australian Dollars if my memory serves me right. .(that is around USD 50,854 I think) that is a pretty good salary to me. Payscale.com says 54.808 is the meridian salary for IT jobs in Oz. . (He visited a few years ago and being the only non-Americans at the BBQ we started talking a bit)

But then we all have different standards. I make about 34.000 a year (I am 35 with a US Bachelor degree and some studies in the UK and Sweden) that is slightly above the median income for a household in this area. I assume you could hardly get any were with that in the Northern Virginia/DC area. The median income for a male is $31,390. My wife makes a bit better money then I do being a nurse so together we are way above the meridian for a house hold around here. What your salary is I quite relative both in the US and in international terms. House prices, groceries, healthcare, daycare etc, etc differs a lot. I do know that if you are rich, the US will be very nice to you and you can have a very high material standard.

It would be interesting to hear how much you husband get paied to put things in perspective.

[lmm05]

Hi Everyone,

Thanks again for your discussion points.

Tamitrail, regarding the seatbelts, he told me that yes, it was the law, but that a police officer can't pull you over for not wearing a seatbelt. He said that they can pull you over for other stuff and then include the seatbelt infraction as part of their report or whatever. In Australia, they can pull you over solely for the fact that you're not wearing a seatbelt. You get fined and you can lose points on your license for you or your passengers not wearing a seatbelt; and during long weekends / public holidays, this can even lose you your license. They're very strict on drink driving, seatbelts, etc, because our road toll is monitored closely.

Now I see this as a good thing because it's about public safety. I don't have a problem with it. It's an automatic reflex for me to reach for my seatbelt anywhere in the world, and I feel slightly anxious when there is no seatbelt in countries like Russia, Poland, China, India... and they still drive like psychos!!

Mr Jonas, regarding salary, I work in IT support - I'm currently grossing approx AUD $65K (including what you guys call your 401K).

In the US, he's probably grossing approx USD$75K (inc his 401K). He's in networking, and IT infrastructure, etc, but has no formal qualifications, so he's reluctant to move. He's also got medical and dental through the company. The kind of role he's currently doing would gross between AUD$70-115 here - depending on experience and how much you'd want to take on your plate.

Now he's keen to start a family as soon as we get married, so my concern (naturally) is money, and more importantly, where it's going to come from if I'm having a baby. I don't know anything about costs of childcare in the US, but I know in Australia, if you had to put your kids in childcare, it works out to about AUD$500/week give or take.

Vanyali, I agree about him working hard. His determination and work ethic are some of the things I love and admire the most about him. But working 50-60hr weeks means he won't be home with me and our kids at the most amazing time of their life, and that concerns me too.

Regarding healthcare there, I don't really understand it. But I know here, we have a national health system called Medicare which enables you to free medical and dental (if you don't have private cover), and then we also have a private system which can cost from AUD$50, upwards. This is dependant on family, health requirements, etc. So if we couldn't afford to get treatment in the US, what do we do for ourselves/kids, etc. I'm talking braces, vaccination shots, etc.

lol... as you can see, a lot of stuff I'm asking...!

[vamtncat]

Regarding healthcare, we have a strange system. If your boyfriend has good coverage through his work then I can't blame him for not wanting to leave. We too have "Medicaid" however, it is income based for low income. If you are married, you will not qualify for anything other than prenatal care, Your children can be covered though. Keep in mind it is income based. Most doctors will not even see you without some kind of insurance.

It's been my experience that the level and quality of care you receive is based soley on the type of insurance you have.

[tamitrail]

I am assuming your boyfriend pays for medical insurance with his employment. He probably pays for it as an individual and will have to pay for a family plan when you get married which will cover him, you and your children. What is covered varies widely from plan to plan and what your boyfriend's employer has chosen as options. Some plans have dental and vision as extra, some don't. As long as he has health insurance, you will not have to worry about checkups and vaccinations and well baby care, etc. Why don't you ask him all about this? This is something HE knows the details about.

Have you discussed all of these issues with him? I can only repeat what I said. Make a list...a HUGE list, of all of your concerns. Bring it with you in July and get each item answered one by one. Don't go back home without all the answers. Then when you get home you can see how you feel. You'll know how you felt being away from your family for so long and how it felt to spend so much time with your boyfriend. I am one of the "victims" of a husband who has a very strong work ethic and works long hours. On top of that, he has a long commute to and from work. So he is not here a lot of the time. It is tough so be prepared for that, especially being new here and especially if you have a baby. Some companies now give paternity leave though, so he may be able to take off some time when the baby is born.

I hope you will post back with your decision. Besides, if you decide to move, you will be a Virginian!

[tamitrail]

Originally Posted by vamtncat

Regarding healthcare, we have a strange system. If your boyfriend has good coverage through his work then I can't blame him for not wanting to leave. We too have "Medicaid" however, it is income based for low income. If you are married, you will not qualify for anything other than prenatal care, Your children can be covered though. Keep in mind it is income based. Most doctors will not even see you without some kind of insurance.

It's been my experience that the level and quality of care you receive is based soley on the type of insurance you have.

What do you mean? If they are married, she WILL be covered under her husband's plan from work. Are you referring to Medicaid only? Why doesn't medicare cover the spouse?

[Mr_Jonas]

Originally Posted by lmm05

Hi Everyone,

Thanks again for your discussion points.

Tamitrail, regarding the seatbelts, he told me that yes, it was the law, but that a police officer can't pull you over for not wearing a seatbelt. He said that they can pull you over for other stuff and then include the seatbelt infraction as part of their report or whatever. In Australia, they can pull you over solely for the fact that you're not wearing a seatbelt. You get fined and you can lose points on your license for you or your passengers not wearing a seatbelt; and during long weekends / public holidays, this can even lose you your license. They're very strict on drink driving, seatbelts, etc, because our road toll is monitored closely.

[SIZE=3]I know I might sound like a broken record, but this sounds a bit odd to me. A lady I used to work with got pulled over and charged with a hefty sum when her 6 year old daughter was in the car with no seat belt. As she told me the story, the girl had her seat belt on and she was asking her daughter to put it back on. He daughter was in a bad mood even before they got in the car and refused. Before she pulled over a police car was driving by, flashed the siren But then, I am Swedish and maybe I am missing the point.[/SIZE]

Originally Posted by lmm05

Mr Jonas, regarding salary, I work in IT support - I'm currently grossing approx AUD $65K (including what you guys call your 401K).

In the US, he's probably grossing approx USD$75K (inc his 401K). He's in networking, and IT infrastructure, etc, but has no formal qualifications, so he's reluctant to move. He's also got medical and dental through the company. The kind of role he's currently doing would gross between AUD$70-115 here - depending on experience and how much you'd want to take on your plate.

You both have very good salaries I would say. The IT Director here at my job makes about USD 45-50K a year. But then I do not know how things are in Australia but salaries differ incredibly in the US at least compared to Scandinavia. IT people make roughly the same no matter were you live geographically. Of course things are cheaper in rural areas when compared to urban areas and this affect the salaries, but still I am amazed at what some people make in urbanized areas of the US and the prices of houses.

Around here you can easily get a standard US so-called ranch style house (3 bedrooms, living room and two bathrooms) for $199,500.00 with 2.3 acres of land. Then the wages are easily 50% less then Northern Virginia (a term used to differentiate the area around Washington DC form an otherwise mostly rural state).

Originally Posted by lmm05

Now he's keen to start a family as soon as we get married, so my concern (naturally) is money, and more importantly, where it's going to come from if I'm having a baby. I don't know anything about costs of childcare in the US, but I know in Australia, if you had to put your kids in childcare, it works out to about AUD$500/week give or take.

Being Swedish I am always startled by the cost of childcare in many other western nations. In Sweden we paid 250 Swedish kroner (about $40 a month….but then we have very high taxes). Here in central Virginia we had to bay about 400-500 a month for both our kids when they were in health care. My father and father-in-law helped us most of the time as my wife was in college and the job market of central Virginia is not that good and quite weird as well. (if some one thinks I sat on my butt and complained I worked several jobs with the wopping wage of between 7.5 – 10 USD an hour…no benefits no 401K no nothing……”fun times”…)
What child care in (NoVa) Northern Virginia costs I dare not guess.

Originally Posted by lmm05

Regarding healthcare there, I don't really understand it. But I know here, we have a national health system called Medicare which enables you to free medical and dental (if you don't have private cover), and then we also have a private system which can cost from AUD$50, upwards. This is dependant on family, health requirements, etc. So if we couldn't afford to get treatment in the US, what do we do for ourselves/kids, etc. I'm talking braces, vaccination shots, etc.

lol... as you can see, a lot of stuff I'm asking...!

[SIZE=3]I went to college in the US 1992 – 1996 and I have lived here now again since the summer of 2002 and every time I think I understand it, it turns out I did not. But basically I would say if you have a good job you have a good insurance that will take care of your and your families medical needs. If you have a not so good job, the care you will get is less then good. When I finally got a full time job after 3 years here I got insurance. It looked good to me. Then I had to have surgery first on my sinus and then on my foot. (Very strange as I had NEVR needed surgery in my whole life!!). It turns out that the sinus surgeon took my insurance…but only a LITTLE bit. I was still stuck with most for the bill, a couple of thousand I had to pay in two year. Before I even pay this one off it turns out I have a tumor in my foot. Not a lethal one but it really started to hurt when I walked. The hospital I can see form my office window did not take my insurance so I had to drive 120 miles one way to the University of Virginia teaching hospital in Charlottesville. I have almost paid that one off. Now my wife is done with school so me and the kids are on her insurance and tings are MUCH netter. The whole thing is confusing. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]The thing about Medicare. If you would move to the US, your husbands you be your green card sponsor. (You have to be married, engaged or such does not work). He will have to prove that he can cover your living on his salary (You can also get an external sponsor if your spouse does not make enough money as in my case. My wife had been home for about 2.5 of the six years we lived in Sweden so her father was my co-sponsor). That should not be a problem. This means that for 5 years you will not have access to Medicare or other tax funded programs. [/SIZE]