Why Virginia... Why US?! (Arlington, Alexandria: transplants, mortgage, daycare)

[lmm05]

Hi Everyone.

I'm an Australian girl from Sydney. My boyfriend is a US citizen, living in Arlington, Virginia. We've known each other for 18 months and have been going out for about 6 months, having met through work.

Things have progressed to the level where we're trying to decide where to settle, and while he wants to settle in the US, I'm reluctant because my family (who i'm very close to) is all based in Australia.

In all honesty, I don't know a hell of a lot about America, or American culture. I'm also worried about affordability. I know that I can afford to work in Australia as well as buy a property and if I get married, I could let my kids stay with my folks and not have to pay for childcare. Whereas, in the US, I know that if we got married, we'd both have to work and any kids we had (he wants to start a family pretty much straight away) would have to go into childcare as he has no family close by. What is

Added to that, I've been to the US once - spent a day in Vegas and a day in LA, and everything was just larger than life, which kinda overwhelmed me. Also, the schooling systems scare me. I'm worried about the shootings that occur within schools and universities. And the gun laws.... Ack. It appears to be so easy to get a gun in the US.

I'm looking for unbiased advice... and insights... so that I can get a good understanding of why it would be a good idea (or not - as the case may be) to move to the US.

[Katie1]

Stay where you are!! But do come for a visit!!

[vamtncat]

lmm05
First of all, please realize that that Vegas and LA are not indicative of the US. With your boyfriend living in Arlington, he is in a major metro area where you have transplants from all over the US and all over the world. Housing can be expensive and commuting can be a nightmare but not as bad as LA. If you venture a little further out from Arlington into the surrounding counties you will find a bit of a slower pace of lifestyle and housing is more affordable. I've never been to Sydney so I can't give you a comparison. It seems like your bigger decisions lie in leaving your home country and your family behind. If this relationship is strong enough it will be worth it. I would suggest visiting Virginia for a few weeks if possible to get a feel of everyday life for yourself.

Good Luck!

[tamitrail]

You sound too attached to your family to leave. I would stay put. Having kids with the idea of having your family raise them obviously won't work if you are here. Your family will never REALLY know your children as it sounds like that is important to you. This kind of relocation can work for some, but not others.

Why can't your boyfriend move to Austrailia? Why do you have to change your life?

You need to visit the US and visit where HE lives. Why haven't you yet? Why haven't you come to see the area, how he lives, what his place is like, etc.? You are virtually missing a HUGE piece of this puzzle. I don't see how you can make any type of informed decision based on what your boyfriend says.

In the 6 months you've been dating, how much time have you actually spent with him in person? Seeing where and how he lives can be very telling.

Don't jump first.

You didn't mention your age, but dating for 6 months is really not that long, especially if it has been long distance. You have a lot of things working against you: long distance romance you really don't know what it would be like to live together, a MAJOR relocation, leaving your family, etc.

Think to the future. Will you resent him eventually? Will you be sad when your parents will miss your children's birthdays and first school play, etc.?

[vanyali]

The US is less misogynistic than Australia, if that matters to you. If you want to have a career, DC is a great place to do that.

Arlington schools are very good. No one gets shot. The quality of US schools overall isn't necessarily great, but select areas, like Arlington, and some other places around DC (Bethesda, others) have schools that are world-class.

Also, the DC area, including Arlington, is very cosmopolitan. You are surrounded by people from all over the world. There are a lot of benefits to that. Plus, it's not unusual at all to live in DC for a few years, go live in another country for a few years, come back to DC again. Who says you have to pick one country and stay there until you die? No one else does, especially if they have foreign citizenship and don't have to worry about how to get a foreign work visa and all that headache.

You can always fly back to see your folks from DC. It's not like you'd be moving to the middle of Montana where the closest international airport is at least a day's drive. There are three major airports right there, with flights all over the world. Geographically you might feel far away, but as a practical matter, it's probably not that big a deal.

And if you don't like it, you can always dump your boyfriend and move back to Australia. So what's the big deal?

[Mr_Jonas]

I am Swedish and have lived in Virginia for a while. I went to college here, met my wife and we then spent 6 years in Sweden. She missed her family and wanted to live closer to them. Now, central Virginia were I live is very different from Arlington so what I will say is more along the lines of basic advices.

I do not know how much vacation you get in Australia, but if it is along the more or less western cultural standard of 4-5 weeks it is VERY hard to go home and see you family if you live in the US (you get about 10 days here). I spend all my vacation in Sweden. I am lucky in many ways as my Swedish family enjoys traveling and my parents come here 2 or 3 times a year and stay for 10 to 14 days. I usually get my brother or some friend over as well.

Las Vegas and LA (just like New York City) has very little to do with everyday US of A. Northern Virginia (Arlington etc) is very expensive. Other parts of the state can be quite cheep, but as a foreigner it can be VERY hard to get used to some of the concepts around here. Counting college and this second time around I know there are some things that I seriously doubt I will ever get used to. (lack of gun laws, the n-word, confederate flags etc, etc)

Over all I seriously recommend that you and your boyfriend spend more time together.
I also strongly recommend that you research "culture shock"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_shock

I also recommend that you both get used to one another’s cultures properly.

That Oz is more misogynistic then the US I really do not buy. I have had jobs turned down because I was a foreigner. Heck, I am a blond white, hetro male with a wife and kids. Sorry about the accent, but seriously guys…..

[vanyali]

Wow, who wouldn't hire you because you're Swedish? I guess that was in "central VA" somewhere?

There was a thread by an American guy living in Fredricksburg, Virginia a while back saying that no one would give him a job because he wasn't from FREDRICKSBURG specifically. Were you the Swedish guy who responded on that thread? What a weird place.

Some places are just like that. Anything rural or Southern is like that. I recommend to anyone and everyone to stay away from places like that. I'd be surprised if you've have problems with stuff like that in Arlington though. In Alexandria, I went to school with people from Pakistan, the Philipines, Florida (haha). Seriously, though, it was pretty diverse, and that was a while ago too.

I've had jobs in the US with 3-4 weeks vacation, and my husband's current job (in Northern Virginia) has 3 weeks + he can purchase more with salary reduction if he wants. That's not necessarily the norm in the US, and different industries have different norms about vacation time. I was an associate at a law firm in New York. He's working for a quasi-government entity in the financial field. Working for a small business, you're likely to get screwed on benefits and vacation time, but not always. It all depends.

[roanoker 4]

I have travelled to your country and I have seen the U.S. America is not what it used to be. Crime, guns, affordability of healthcare(if available at all), high taxes, rising unemployment, illegal immigration, gangs, racial tensions,
the rich are getter richer, the poor poorer, runaway federal deficit spending on endless wars around the globe, lack of civil rights for many of its citizens,
roads, bridges are crumbling, inferior public schools, drop-out rates are soaring, crooked mortgage companies, crooked Wall Street financial advisers,
crooked lawyers, crooked healthcare system, a Medicare system that is scheduled to go broke in 10 years, a social security system that is failing so if you're young your future is bleak in the U.S.
I could go on and on about our once great nation.
I guess we do have something good out there...the weather in Southern California is beautiful(although I live in Virginia).
Stay in Australia if you are wise!!!

[tamitrail]

Visiting family by plane is not always going to be practical so it is a big deal. For one, it can be expensive. Second, as her parents get older, they may not be able to travel. Third, if she has kids, she will only be able to travel on holidays or in the summer. Fourth, what one poster said about vacation time is true. The OP already said she would have to work and get daycare here. So she is not going to have a ton of vacation time available to travel back and forth to Australia on a regular basis.

I have family about 6 hours away. We NEVER travel to see them. Why? My young daughter gets car sick. We are at the mercy of people coming to see us for the time being. Australia is a lot longer away than 6 hours!

It is a big deal to make a life altering decision without all the facts. She needs to visit where she would be living and see what it's like.

[Mr_Jonas]

Originally Posted by vanyali

Wow, who wouldn't hire you because you're Swedish? I guess that was in "central VA" somewhere?

Yep, Lynchburg to be exact! Plenty of people here do not want to hire "wierdos" like me. It took me a few years but now I have an OK job with benifits.........

Originally Posted by vanyali

There was a thread by an American guy living in Fredricksburg, Virginia a while back saying that no one would give him a job because he wasn't from FREDRICKSBURG specifically. Were you the Swedish guy who responded on that thread? What a weird place.

Nope, that wasn't me.

Originally Posted by vanyali

Some places are just like that. Anything rural or Southern is like that. I recommend to anyone and everyone to stay away from places like that. I'd be surprised if you've have problems with stuff like that in Arlington though. In Alexandria, I went to school with people from Pakistan, the Philipines, Florida (haha). Seriously, though, it was pretty diverse, and that was a while ago too.

Yeah, in Alexandia I probably be just another white guy....

Originally Posted by vanyali

I've had jobs in the US with 3-4 weeks vacation, and my husband's current job (in Northern Virginia) has 3 weeks + he can purchase more with salary reduction if he wants. That's not necessarily the norm in the US, and different industries have different norms about vacation time. I was an associate at a law firm in New York. He's working for a quasi-government entity in the financial field. Working for a small business, you're likely to get screwed on benefits and vacation time, but not always. It all depends.

Correct me if I am wrong but in the US it seems the more money you make, the better vacation you get. Just an observation. I might be wrong.