Hubby works in Newark, DE and I work in Germantown, MD. where to live? HELP!

[trying2moveup]

Originally Posted by Germantown_girl

thats terrible.. may be we could maintain a DE address for him and a maryland address for me and file taxes separately?

You will be taxed higher if you file seperately. One of the legal benefits of marriage is if you file married, head of household (or whatever it is called) - a joint return - then you get a tax break (however little it may be). The system is kinder to married single-earner (meaning one of you works) families.

There is really no way around it, you are going to get taxed and do you really want to cheat the system - they WILL catch up with you eventually (govt is always going to make sure it gets its share). Several years ago I forgot to include our MD state refund in our federal filing and 3 years later - we were notified how much to pay with penalities and back interest - and this was all over 600 dollars. They will catch up to you. . . it will take years but it will happen.

On another note. . . newlyweds come off the wedding/honeymoon glow and enter a period of their relationship where things have changed -even though you may want to think that they have not - they certainly have now that you are legally bound to another person. You are going to have stresses that cannot be described here and will not be known to you until you experience them as a newlywed ( sort of like trying to describe childbirth, you just really can't imagine it until you've done it yourself). This commuting scenario you have here is - to put it bluntly - setting y'all up for a LOT of stress. Your husband is going to be exhausted and, as one poster put it stressed out no matter who is driving (i.e., the train vs car), if HE drives you are going to eat up so much money in gas, tolls, car maintenance, STRESS, etc. . . . .. you are really creating a hotbed situation that is going to put stress on your marriage. I guarantee it.

All I ask is please, PLEASE do not bring life into the world (if you haven't already) if you decide to try this crazy commute for at least 2 years to see if your marriage can take it so some poor kiddo doesn't become the collateral damage of this ridiculous consideration.

ONe of you needs to quit and get a job closer to the other. If I were y'all, I'd go to Delaware and minimize taxes - plus cost of living is so much cheaper than around here. Maryland will tax you to death.

[GotBackHome]

Originally Posted by Germantown_girl

thats terrible.. may be we could maintain a DE address for him and a maryland address for me and file taxes separately?

A state doesn't really care where you live, only where the income is earned. Married people can file separately even if they live together, it just doesn't work out to their best interest (otherwise, everyone would be doing that).

I'm afraid there is no good answer for your dilemma, only a choice among bad ones. You'll have to decide which is the least bad - which may include one of you giving up your job and moving so that you can live together - or living apart for the year you mentioned initially - or really horrendous commute times which will impact your finances and the amount of time you spend together outside of work - or paying taxes to two states because you work in two states - or breaking up and forgetting the whole thing (I'm betting you don't want this last one, but it is an option).

[Germantown_girl]

a very tough decison to make..
@ wannacomehome. the last one is definitely NOT an option!

[loch raven]

if you live split the difference and live around the downtown baltimore area, strategically located near major highways, you'll both commute about an hour each way to your respective jobs. if you do this, you should use routes 27 and 70; he will have to take 95 the whole way. i think the tolls total 7 bucks each way.

the alternative is you both live in germantown/gaithersburg/rockville and he does a 4 hour (total) commute; i'd assume by train. you make up the difference by doing all of the housework, lawn mowing, grocery shopping, etc. he relocates to the DC metro after one year.

[jkyj1976]

Another option is to ask the employer to allow you or your husband to work from home 2-3 times a week. That would cut down on the weekly commute. We faced the same situation. My wife runs a store in laurel, de and I work in Alexandria, VA... we are working to move to kent island or annapolis, which would allow both of us to have reasonable drive time.

[cpterp]

Wow, I live in Germantown, and that is definitely a hell of a commute (although VP Biden did it all the time). My advice is to live in Montgomery County off I-270 or the Beltway (I-495), such as in Silver Spring or Wheaton, and have your husband drive to New Carrollton station or Union Station in DC and commute via the Amtrak Northeast Regional (Bos-NY-Philly-Balt-DC), but only a few of them stop in Newark (DE). Or he can go insane with the I-95/Beltway traffic. It wouldn't be hard for you to commute to Germantown since you would be going against the flow of traffic on 270.

Another option would be to live in Howard County (Columbia, Ellicot City) and take I-70/MD 27 to Germantown, and your husband could get the same train at BWI Airport.

In the long run, if you don't want to prematurely grow gray hair and spend 50% of your waking moments in traffic, one of you needs to get a job closer to the other's.